The ubiquitous long-distance relationship question

Hmm.

I just got back with my long distance ex.

I think we're bonkers :s

I trust him 100%, but we didn't see eachother very much, and if we did, we could never spend time together. But although I'll be even further away from him when at uni, I should have more freedom to jump on a train and spend the weekend with him.

Reply 3

Invisible&Proud

OP

Hmm...

my predicament is even more ridiculous, seeing as my girlfriend is on a different continent for a year. We click so effortlessly well together: i trust her completely, her likewise, but - not being able to see someone for 5 months? jeez...

i vacillate from bright optimism to wallowing in ridiculousness at how things could possibly work

Reply 4

Stop using that language in an attempt to look better, and I might take you seriously and post what I think. Because it's inappropriate here, and you look like a tool.

:smile:

Reply 5

Having tried about 3 of these, I would say they are worth avoiding, although the last one lasted a year and a month, and she did live like 5 hours away by train.

But as others have said, you're always wondering whether you could be one of many people, and besides the last gf I had lied constantly to me about everything, so I personally wouldn't bother. The emotional turmoil that you endure if the whole thing goes pear-shaped is not worth it by any means.

Reply 6

Fleece

15

I guess it depends on the relationship and the distance. If you love and trust each other then you got that covered..and you can speak to each other..but it just depends on you, whether you need to see each other more often than that. When i first got together with my bf, i left the country for a month after just a week together! (it was already planned) It was really hard not seeing him, but this was just in the first stages of a rel so who knows. I'll have to spend a year and a half in Italy and Germany though and if we're still together i'd like to try and work at it.
You can only try.

Reply 7

Invisible&Proud

OP

dogtanian

Stop using that language in an attempt to look better, and I might take you seriously and post what I think. Because it's inappropriate here, and you look like a tool.

:smile:

Look, i'm aware that i have a serious problem in the language department - the tendency to talk like a pretentious Victorian comes without warning. I'm undergoing therapy and if people keep pointing it out, i might regress

so shush

:smile:

Reply 8

Atomic Dave

But as others have said, you're always wondering whether you could be one of many people, and besides the last gf I had lied constantly to me about everything, so I personally wouldn't bother. The emotional turmoil that you endure if the whole thing goes pear-shaped is not worth it by any means.

If you don't trust the girl, it wouldn't work even if she lived next door..

I trust my blokey 100%. He's not going to do anything stupid.

We'll appreciate it this time too...

Reply 9

Invisible&Proud

Look, i'm aware that i have a serious problem in the language department - the tendency to talk like a pretentious Victorian comes without warning. I'm undergoing therapy and if people keep pointing it out, i might regress

so shush

:smile:

Pfft.

It looks clumsy. So stop.

___

As has been pointed out..
do you trust, respect and love this girl?
Will you be able to keep regular contact?

If you don't trust her, it wouldn't last even if you spent all the time together.

Reply 10

dogtanian

If you don't trust the girl, it wouldn't work even if she lived next door..

I trust my blokey 100%. He's not going to do anything stupid.

We'll appreciate it this time too...

Oh No, I trusted her completely, I loved her to bits. She ended the relationship with some lame excuse about needing more space, but it's not as if I was constantly on her heels or anything, no I trusted her 100%, I only found out about the lying right at the very end, and I was gutted, took me about 8 weeks to get over how it had ended...

Reply 11

But you said that you were wondering if you were one of many.

That doesn't sound like trust to me.

Again, if she was lying, even though you found out later, that's a relationship that wouldn't last even if you lived near eachother.

Reply 12

-TMG-

9

I was in an LDR too since the beginning of this year. It was okay at first, probably happy we were goin out. But then she went crazy, which she says is how she always is. And so they can also hide a lot of things from you. Like the ex smoked, which I said I didn't like and also probably still smoked pot even when I said I wasn't going to go out with someone who did. She was out with other lads too etc.

It's so much easier if they live near you, then you can spend more time together :smile:

Reply 13

Invisible&Proud

OP

dogtanian

Pfft.

It looks clumsy. So stop.

___

As has been pointed out..
do you trust, respect and love this girl?
Will you be able to keep regular contact?

If you don't trust her, it wouldn't last even if you spent all the time together.

i'll promise to keep it in check.
-

I trust her completely, respect her and love her.

the problem is more simple - just basically not being around the person for 5 months. Yeah, we call/IM all the time, but it's just wondering whether the length of time without physically being able to have a chat, or share a laugh will make things wierd...

i think it's worth a try anyways. She means more to me than anyone i've ever met so it has to be attempted i think

Reply 14

dogtanian

But you said that you were wondering if you were one of many.

That doesn't sound like trust to me.

Again, if she was lying, even though you found out later, that's a relationship that wouldn't last even if you lived near eachother.

Yes, but I onlyu began wondering of I was "one of many" towards the end of the relationship, like when I went to stay with her just before Christmas for a week, we were like normal, really close, loving affectionate etc etc. But then, when I went to see her in February, things had totally change, she treated me like I was a good mate. I thought something was up, I think I probably imagined the worst and came up with the idea that she could have been doing the dirty behind my back. Then again, I'll never know, because when I ask her about it now, she won't answer me straight.

Honestly, I trusted her 100% up until that point, I'm pretty trusting of people, if I had seriously thought that she was the kind of girl who would have cheated on me, then I wouldn't have bothered going out with her in the first place.

Reply 15

Invisible&Proud

She means more to me than anyone i've ever met so it has to be attempted i think

Exactly.
It's how I felt about my boy (and it's why I pined for him ridiculously for a year after we split up). We have to make it work now.

Reply 16

Glory

1

ive had a long distance relationship, uk to holland. they either go really great or they sucumn(sp) to excessive jeliousy. I tend to avoid them now, they have no future if niether party is willing to move country.

Reply 17

musicbloke

17

if you get the inkling that she's sleeping around then you can do the same yourself. She doesn't have to know.

MB

Reply 18