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Mature students with anxiety/depression

I put this here rather than the health forum as I'd rather reach more mature students than college kids.

I'm not asking for any advice just wondering if there were many others in my situation. I had a serious issue to work out/contend with at college age, after being a really good student up to then I was left with a tendancy for anxiety and depression which has wrecked my education/working life ever since. The thing that made it worse was not treating it seriously and believing I would one day suddenly get over it all on my own. This is probably the worst thing you can do.

I've attempted Uni before, it was so very the wrong sort of course for me and definitely not one that was helped by my anxiety, I knew this getting into it but I had a dream of a career I wanted and needed to attempt the course to really find out I could never have survived in that industry.

Getting back into education with the right course has been a long time coming, there's been a lot of bad decisions, stalling, mind changes due to panic, all sorts. I consider anxiety my actual problem but depression comes as a side effect as a result of things that happen because of the anxiety. Like I will fear going out so will stay indoors and become depressed because of that.

I'm not afraid of going back to uni and studying, though I am afraid of the anxiety flaring up as it tends to do at the same time each year. But being a student again will actually set me off in a better frame of mind as it's how I feel about myself that affects my moods a lot. Being a student will make me feel better about myself than I have for at least 5 years.

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Reply 1

vibe assassin

I can relate to this - in fact your post was like reading what has been happening for the last 5 years of my life.
I dropped out of college (I spent 3 years changing and dropping courses and eventually left without any A levels at all) only to be stuck in a dead end job for the next few years - constantly telling myself that I would get back into education and make something of myself but never doing anything about it.

I eventually walked away from my job with the intention of getting back into education, but I kept putting it off and putting it off and this only made things worse and I very rarely left the house, preferring to stay indoors and feel sorry for myself.

I'm a naturally anxious person but at this point I felt really, really low (I would say depressed, but I guess depression needs a clinical diagnosis). The worst thing was I wanted to make positive changes but I didn't know what exactly, and so I became apathetic and just did nothing. Hoping that something positive would just happen and that suddenly I would know what I want to do with my life.

After a period of doing absoultely nothing with my life I finally bit the bullet and started studying with the Open University. Although I don't feel like 'a fully functioning human being' just yet things have begun to look up for me and it's certainly improved my sense of self worth.

Phew! That was quite emotional. Thanks for listening to by sob story anyway.

Reply 2

Super Hero Ree

I just wanted to say good luck with going back to uni! I really do hope it works out for you.

I've been in a similar situation to you.

Hopefully the positive reinforcement of being back in education will help to improve your mood and in turn, your anxiety too. What course are you going to study?

Reply 3

Papa Dunx

Im there now!
I could have written both the top two myself and it would have been true.

The one thing I have learned when dealing with my depression is that to seek out other people who suffer from feeling blue or "out of sorts" is that I am not alone.
Neither are you.
Im applying now for Uni, and the stress of coming back to this country, finding somewhere to live, getting financial support is incredible.

Im not a naturally emotional person, as the depression has taking all the feelings away, but I studied for 5 weeks to do a CELTA (teaching english as a foreign language) in Cairo and I can tell you that it gave me a feeling of self worth. For five weeks I studied for 14 hours a day, helping my fellow non-native speaking students, and I was buzzing. The teaching the Sudanese refugees was so emotional that it left me drained on my half day off!

Im looking forward to getting into a rhythm and being able to study my butt off to get the "monkey" off my back.

Im hoping also to look for professional help when I start Uni, as the "blues" have prevented me from fulfilling my potential.

Vibe Assassin, your story is not a sob story. We are experiencing an imbalance in our chemistry. We are not looking for sympathy, we are selling it like it is. The problem is that the general British public dont know how to deal with it. They are more scared about us than we are of losing our minds.
Mental health issues are everyone's problem and there is a very large gap in the knowledge of the majority of people.

Good luck to both of you
Papa D.

Reply 4

Ms Lola

Just wanted to add that I think you are really courageous to try again. I'm recovering from anorexia/PTSD and am aiming for Uni in September 2011. A frightening thought after a 10 year break from studying. I find it inspiring that others are in the same position, and it gives me hope that I can find my way back to education again.

Lola x

Reply 5

Trinket

I'm hopefully going to go into university in 2011, after my Access Course, but I'll be going with two seperate mental illnesses and chronic insomnia. I've been in two psychiatric hospitals over the last three years with a good chance it'll happen again. It is discouraging and disheartening to keep being pushed back from your aspirations by something out of your control.

Just try and stay focused on one thing, don't over-work yourself and stay on your medication ALL the time. Even if it does make it tough to concentrate. Rigorously scheduling your day helps too. Do you have a MHT or Care Co-ordinator? They're there to help you through things like this.

Hell, my main reason for wanting to go to university is so I can get into pharmaceutical development or research, like my grandfather, and try and find better treatments or cures for the illnesses I suffer from. Almost nothing works and it can be horrible, but only you can take control. Just try and make sure you don't put too much strain on yourself.

Best of luck.

edit: I'm not trying to hi-jack the thread for a sympathy vote. I just realised maybe I sounded like I was.

Reply 6

ladiorange

I relate closely to this thread.

I had a traumatic childhood (physical and sexual abuse by many people over many years), suffered meningitis, and had a few other traumatic events happen in adulthood which led to a variety of social/mental disorders over the years.

I found one book that has started helping (finally) overcome IT ALL. I am comfortable posting the title here but I'm new on these boards and I'm not sure what's allowed?

It sounds like a pretty offensive title, but the book helped me so I thought I could share it with you. It's about regaining a sustained level of confidence, sustained ability to clearly understand all thoughts and feelings (and therefore permanently influence all thoughts and feelings). The book releases "control" though from life and enpowers you to constantly be aware of the best decisions in life on offer which aren't always clear when other factors in life hinder your ability to be aware of your options. The book also creates a strong desire to have dreams, plans and goals and provides a clear path as to how to sustain a level of self-belief that they can be attained.

It's called Breaking the Chain of Low Self Esteem.

Reply 7

BigV

I can really relate to the original poster here. I dropped out of school quite young with no qualifications at all, this was due to OCD with anxiety & depression issues, developed into a social and agoraphobia for a while and I didn't leave the house (at all, not even going in the garden) for nearly 2 years................. I'm 23 now and the last few years have been a lot better but I have had a few physical health problems and I have spent a lot of time really not doing anything very productive at all!

Last year I applied for and was accepted on to Access to Radiography course but chickened out at the last moment due to the fear of doing the work experience, so I switched to Science Access at the same college and then dropped out after the induction day anyway!

I tried an Open University course this year and to be honest I just didn't have the motivation to study at home alone and I felt totally overwhelmed anyway - don't laugh but I have a real phobia over using the telephone to contact people I don't know, so communicating the tutor for the OU course was a BIG issue as well.

I figure having a couple of false starts all adds to the experience?! So once again I am looking to do an Access course this year and the anxiety around meeting new people and trying new things is obviously still a concern................. however I still have a big interest in Radiography (diagnostic) and I am hoping they might let me have a 2nd chance this September, but I think I will have to show something special to get back on that course so I have been battling with my anxiety to pick up the phone and contact the local hospital to try and get some shadowing work which would hopefully support my (re)application to the Access course tutors.

My other option is apply for an IT based Access course which also interests me, but I worry I would only be doing that to avoid my fear of doing the shadowing work, which is pretty dumb really because I know once I actually meet people face to face I get one well with almost anyone from any background.....

As for going to Uni - well as a mature student is never going to be easy, but that is where the Access courses come in and provide the prep required

Reply 8

BigV

Also, going from what I have been told the atmosphere on Access is friendly and with all the staff/students being more mature and coming from more unusual situations/backgrounds I belive there is going to be a bit more understanding of issues people can have, along with the chance to build confidence and meet some interesting people, maybe even making some friends with similar interests............................................................. the only downside I could find last year was there appeared to be a lot of 20 & 19 year olds at the induction days - some had failed/poor A-levels and were looking for an easy way in to Uni - which seems to defeat the purpose of having a course specifically for older or uneducated people to gain entry? -

I think they were in for a disappointment anyway because Access is HARD; basically not quite as much depth but still A-level standard crammed in to a 9 month course, and Uni's have long ago wised up to failed A-level students abusing the alternative entry schemes designed for ''disadvantaged'' students.

Even if the websites say otherwise many Uni's WILL accept access as an entry route for pretty much ANY subject area (excluding medicine / veterinary / dentistry), but they are looking to judge each application on individual merits and getting in touch with the course tutor and having a chat (getting your name in their head!) is going to give you a big advantage over those who just click submit via UCAS.

Reply 9

stainboy

Thanks for all the replies, Trinket your reply it didn't come across like a thread hi-jack at all, these were the sort of replies I was looking for. I'm sorry everyone has been through and is going through what they are but it's always a comfort to know that it's not just you.

I wanted to write a longer reply but have been hit with a pretty bad phase at the moment so haven't been able to write anything positive. I think it might be health related though so am hoping if I'm patient it will pass soon when I recover physicly.

If anyone wants to carry on an ongoing discussion of how're we're doing in preparation for our future plans that would be cool. I'm at the moment kinda wishing I wasn't living where I am at the moment. Ever since I got rejected from Sheffield uni, therefore having to move in September I've been really excited about it as Sheffield has never been a good experience for me. Only I have to wait 6 months to leave and feel like I've already given up any kind of life here.

Reply 10

mintyninja

Hello everyone, reading your replies has been a comfort. Here is another similar story for you: I am an anxious person and I suffered depression in my teen years and so was swept along with the rest of my year to university which was a complete waste of time and money. I decided to go back to college last year when I was feeling good about myself, it really has made me feel better within myself but I do worry I'll lose my grip when I get back to uni. For people who are getting help, how are you going to continue this when you get to uni if you are moving cities? I never seem to spend long enough in the same place to sort myself out with help. Stainboy, I know how you feel, you just want to get on with the next stage of your life. You could try volunteering in something relevant to your course that you enjoy to use up some time? I think this thread is a really good idea, we obviously have some similar challenges so maybe it would be cool to swap stories and tips. Thanks everyone x

Reply 11

m.grump

I can relate to the above.

I've struggled with depression for quite a lot of years; first onset was at sixth form, and I had to retake my last year of sixth form. After I did that and got into university, I was OK for the first year, but then got very ill in the second, and had to intermit and take that year out. After that, I returned to university and finished years 2 and 3 successfully, and got my degree.

After graduating, I worked full-time for around 4 years in my university town before becoming ill, and having to move back to the parents. It has its advantages however, and means I can study for a masters degree here, and that's what I'm planning to do.

I guess what I can say in this discussion is that you can take time out and return to your degree with heavy problems with depression, and complete it. Once you finish your degree and get that piece of paper, it's an amazing feeling and does make it feel all worth it, especially since you know you've struggled on and been through more than most other students have.

Reply 12

Carlito o.O

I'm extremely shy and have social anxiety. I'm 29, left college last May/June and did a "R.A.P.P" (GCSE) and "Access" course while i was there (1 year each course). I get stupidly nervous about going out anywhere (i think everyone's staring & judging me), but taking the plunge and going back to college improved me quite a bit. The more people around, the more nervous i get, so i really think uni will be a sink or swim situation for me...all those people! I gotta take the plunge though or i'll end up sitting here in 10 years time muttering "If only..." to myself :biggrin:

I'm about to start shopping around for work experience, doing the experience will give me even more of a boost. I'll need it as if/when i go to uni i'd like to move out (for the first time), away from this town. So it'll be a lot of new experiences for me, all at once, plus the intense studying :s-smilie:

I bet there's so many more people with anxiety/depression currently at uni than we'd ever guess. It's just that lots of people get misinterpereted (or unnoticed), like me for instance, i get mistaken for being rude 'cause i don't speak much (i've no idea what to say o_O!).

Reply 13

Flibbles

I can relate to so many of you in this thread, I have similar issues. I have social anxiety which has dropped in severity over the past 6 months (I can now actually leave the house and do stuff!) along with having no GCSE's, and only possessing a BTEC First Diploma.

I've resolved to do an Access course in sep alongside A level maths (study at home and book exams as a 'private candidate') so I can do a computer science degree. I'm even going to have a real good go at getting in to Cambridge! A few months ago I couldn't even contemplate going to uni at all. If I don't try to reach my goals I'll just end up thinking "what if?" in a few years time and I really don't want that to happen.

Reply 14

stainboy

That's great, I have half attempted doing A Levels as a private candidate before. I think with Maths it's very doable providing you take it seriously. I didn't, I over stressed myself by letting my manic side believe I could study the whole lot and be ready for exams in less than 6 months :redface:

I've just accepted my offer from UEA, I'd decided a while ago but was both afraid to "push the button" and felt bad for declining Newcastle.

Reply 15

m.grump

I personally feel there should be far more shy people at university, than rar-rar-rar public school types. They do my head in :smile:

Reply 16

Katbaer

I don't have clinical depression or anxiety but in a way, I can relate. I got through my B.A. with low-level depression due to divorce which led to a certain low-level anxiety while driving. I was convinced that no other drivers could see me and was afraid they would change lanes into me.
I entered my M/A. program and suffered terribly from Imposter Syndrome. I really felt like I faked my way through the program even though I worked so hard to maintain top grades. I was afraid someone would discover that I was a fake, that they would point out that I did not know what I was doing, and that I would be thrown out of the uni.

So I often felt like people were staring at me thinking to themselves "There she is, the faker". It sounds so crazy and looks crazier in this reply but it's a reality for some of us.

Now I'm working on my PhD and the Imposter Syndrome has quieted down. I now only really suffer from the usual grad student insecurities/procrastination which present entirely different problems!

What I want to say is check with your uni because they may be able to direct you to some sort of help in working through your issues while getting through your education. None of us are alone in any of these situations.

No matter how long it takes to get through university, it's always worth it. One foot in front of the other....

Reply 17

katefen

The trick to getting through uni with something like this is to make sure that you keep everyone informed. I have cyclothymia (sort of like Bipolar but a bit different...) which means that sometimes I can get very suddenly deppressed and sometimes I go the other way which means I'm easily distracted and tend not to do work/turn up for anything/ stay in contact with people. Everyone from my supervisor to the head of the Board of Examiners knows about this and I let them know about any developments as soon as I can (not always as soon as they occur). Keeping them informed saved my degree as I went through a phase of rapid cycling (up, down, up down like a yoyo) and I ended up having to take a four week leave of absence, and ended up on meds that completely screwed me over so i couldn't hand in one of my essays on time. I got a very generous deadline extension which I wouldn't have if I hadn't kept people in the know.

Reply 18

kiss_me_now9

I think pretty much everyone in my current class has some kind of mental problem or has had some kind of mental problem, be it depression, anxiety, bipolar or schizophrenia.

I'm still pretty much in the middle of my depression and I have NO idea how I'm going to cope being back at uni (dropped out the first time) but I figure, it's a subject I can't get enough of studying, so if worst comes to worst, I can just throw my head down and count the days until graduation.

Reply 19

m.grump

kiss_me_now9

That sounds better than my study experience; I didn't find many people with the same kind of problems, or if they did have them, they certainly didn't tell me..

You will cope fine I think. I took a year out of university and had a lot of worries like that before going back. But it was fine. Getting your head down is how I did it, but it also helped eventually finding some friends that had similar experiences.