The Student Room Group

giving too much in a friendship?

at the moment im feeling really let down by those who are closest to me. Whenever my friends need me im there for them and rush to their aid, just wish i could say the same. I mean it was only last week i was comforting a friend who had broken up with her b/f. ive been there for feinds when theyve had no one else to turn to, been a shoulder to cry on etc.
it might sound pathetic to those who read but its my bday soon and only 2 of my closest friends are bothered to make it, for each of my friends in my social circle i broke special arrangements to not be busy so i cud celebrate thier 18ths and made each and every one feel as though they were the only ones that mattered, im just feel abit hurt at the fact the same wasnt returned really . . . . . i feel like i give too much in friendships . . . .what am i going to do??
Reply 1
thats pretty crappy of them. It just shows how much their friendship means to them. You can probabily do better than them for friends.
awww... have a hug :hugs:, and you definitely don't sound pathetic to me :smile:
Maybe try speaking to your friends, and pointing out that you made special arrangements to celebrate their birthdays. Some people aren't as sensitive as others and your friends might genuinely might not realise that you're feeling hurt by their neglecting you. Also they might be going through tough times in their lives that you don't know about, and might not feel able to make the effort with their friendships at the moment. Even if this isn't the case, try not to take it personally that your friends don't seem to be there for you as much as you are for them. Hope things sort themselves out for you.
Reply 3
sroberts60
at the moment im feeling really let down by those who are closest to me. Whenever my friends need me im there for them and rush to their aid, just wish i could say the same. I mean it was only last week i was comforting a friend who had broken up with her b/f. ive been there for feinds when theyve had no one else to turn to, been a shoulder to cry on etc.
it might sound pathetic to those who read but its my bday soon and only 2 of my closest friends are bothered to make it, for each of my friends in my social circle i broke special arrangements to not be busy so i cud celebrate thier 18ths and made each and every one feel as though they were the only ones that mattered, im just feel abit hurt at the fact the same wasnt returned really . . . . . i feel like i give too much in friendships . . . .what am i going to do??

well, you'll get some company...
at least 2 people will come...

everyone i invited didn't even bother telling me they weren't coming...
wasted my time...
now that's pathetic...
Reply 4
You know? Many people really confuses 'friendship' with 'friendliness'... What happened to you is really usual and it happens more often that we'd like to recognize.

It wouldn't be the first time that I'm just struggling to keep a friendship running and I couldn't see any 'move' from the other side. In the end, usually you get tired of that situation and slowly you loose contact with that people. Is it sad? Yes. Desirable? No. But it happens... In the end, as many people have said, you can count your real good friends with the fingers of one hand... Perhaps you're lucky and you need both :smile: In that case I just can congratulate you.

Don't be so low. From what I read in your post, at least you have 2 friends that will continue being by your side... And that's unvaluable :smile: I always remember what a friend from another country told me: "When we say 'friend', we really mean it".

Sorry if something wasn't written correctly... English is not my mother tongue and it can be hard to express some things! Have a great day
I know how you feel I often feel i rush to my friends aid, and they won't do the same for me, but when i think about it i realise i take soem people for granted becasue they are so good for me, so maybe try see it as a compliment in disguise, that they see you as such a good person/friend that they can mistreat you a bit and you will still be there. sounds harsh but it could be that, if this is the case a careful word or two to get across how much them coming to your birthday party is and they should thaw.
Reply 6
I really can empathize with you! Over the past few months, I've noticed that those I help so much, and go out of my way for, are the ones that take me for granted. Sometimes, I think it's because they feel they can walk all over us, as they think we are "too nice".

It's a terrible predicament. Sometimes, I sit here, and wonder why everything gets handed down to me, because "she'll sort it out", but then I thought maybe it's because they know we are willing too, and so presume that to be the case 24/7.

It's hard, because you wonder whether you should try and make more friends, which can be hard..but then you resent that too, because you think why should you have to? You were there for them, can't it be mutual?

I think the best thing, is to be happy you have two that are coming, and however hard, don't let it ruin your fun. If there is anything you feel you can be doing to liven them up, then try it...but sometimes it's just best to flipping let them get on with it! & to learn the hard way.
Reply 7
You shouldn't be complaining about high school friends. As time goes by, friendships become more and more superficial and pointless. My best friends are still those back home, from high school.
Reply 8
Sometimes people you consider friends actually aren't as close as you would think. Last week I went out with a group of friends, one of them had just returned from America that day. She more or less completely ignored me the whole night, despite having texted me a lot and emailed me why she was away. I just totally didn't understand her attitude. Whenever I asked her anything I got monosyllabic responses.

Meh, sometimes friends just aren't worth it.
Reply 9
sroberts60
at the moment im feeling really let down by those who are closest to me. Whenever my friends need me im there for them and rush to their aid, just wish i could say the same. I mean it was only last week i was comforting a friend who had broken up with her b/f. ive been there for feinds when theyve had no one else to turn to, been a shoulder to cry on etc.
it might sound pathetic to those who read but its my bday soon and only 2 of my closest friends are bothered to make it, for each of my friends in my social circle i broke special arrangements to not be busy so i cud celebrate thier 18ths and made each and every one feel as though they were the only ones that mattered, im just feel abit hurt at the fact the same wasnt returned really . . . . . i feel like i give too much in friendships . . . .what am i going to do??


there is no count in give or take in a friendship. There are only three things in life thats unconditional! Love, friendship and Uni offer!!! :biggrin:
Reply 10
lessthanthree
Been in the same position. And you know what? I dumped them all.

friends are supposed to make you feel better about being you - and when you're the one that has to make all of the efforts for nothing in return, it's not worth it.


:dito: Seriously if 'friends' dont give anything in return, they are not worth your time. I previously wrote about someone on the health forum who had told me a few weeks back to get better, i.e feeling happier etc and only then will he be friends with me. I told him to f*** off. Now I hardly think of him. Focus on the friends who give you their time and their friendship.
I think you have to say something to them otherwise they might think you are an easy ride. If that happened to me I wouldn't be able to stop myself from making a point to them. If they do care for you they will soon realise their selfish behaviour.
Reply 12
sroberts60
at the moment im feeling really let down by those who are closest to me. Whenever my friends need me im there for them and rush to their aid, just wish i could say the same. I mean it was only last week i was comforting a friend who had broken up with her b/f. ive been there for feinds when theyve had no one else to turn to, been a shoulder to cry on etc.
it might sound pathetic to those who read but its my bday soon and only 2 of my closest friends are bothered to make it, for each of my friends in my social circle i broke special arrangements to not be busy so i cud celebrate thier 18ths and made each and every one feel as though they were the only ones that mattered, im just feel abit hurt at the fact the same wasnt returned really . . . . . i feel like i give too much in friendships . . . .what am i going to do??


Sounds like pretty lousy friends.

It's good that you're looking out for your friends though. Friendship isn't something you should take for granted, IMO.
Reply 13
You sound like a good friend, just dump them stick with the two that you like make new ones. Or just think about it this way more alcohol for you on your birthday :smile:
Ive noticed that freinds can have serious bouts of apathy about birthdays though, and this isn't just a personal experience, other associates have had people make obvious excuses to miss important birthdays such as their 18th or 21st....I don't know whether this means they are bad freinds as such, maybe its more that people think more of their own birthday than they do others (very selfish but true)

Freinds can be strange things, sometimes you can go really far out of your way to be nice to them, and they seemingly don't notice...then on other occasions when you make no effort they are like "oww thanks" for the slightest thing.

I do have 1 freind that sometimes I think I make too much 'effort' with, and worry about too much...but I know deep down that he appreciates me and my effort has contributed to creating a freindship that I beleive will last for life now, so it is worth it.
Reply 15
I feel the same. I know that it may be difficult to qualify one's self, but honestly I believe I am trustworthy, nice etc and am always there for the others. Yet its difficult trusting others sometimes.

I always get these excuses etc. I had my 18th recently and some didnt bother coming. tbh i didnt care. it was too bad for them. it sometimes shows u where ur friends stand.

im assuming ur going to uni next year - just the oppotunity to make new friends. I'm not saying you should ditch the others, but you move on in life.

I cant wait to meet new people and you should too.