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parents - a hold over you? watch

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    well I am forced not to argue with my parents. for so many reasons. mainly they have a constant hold over me. as they give me money for uni and pay for everything with my car(as well as buying it).... so anything I do they threaten me with that. also I have to come home every holiday and work all the time for next to nothing £100 quid a week for usually >60hrs of my time(and if i dont work sat nights I, and go out with mates, I get disapproving comments) its like being in a prision. thus I hate summers. Other little threats that they give me are like, even if I buy clothes that I dont need, or speakers for the car they go nuts and say if you can afford to do that then you can pay for your own tyres @ 40 quid a piece etc. grrr

    no one seems to understand(except my gf but shes 500miles away and I wasnt allowed to see her this summer) and I really have no choice.

    i know im lucky to be spoiled and I appreciate that when im at uni but that only 30 weeks of the year, which is quite stressful in itself then the rest is a nightmare.
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    well you have the choice to put it quite bluntly I'm really not that sympathetic. If its that unbearable you could get a job and pay for your own fees and car. If you are at uni you are old enough to be independent if you really want to be.
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    Just ride it out until university has finished, then when your working and suporting yourself you'll never have to see your parents again. It's all about having savoir faire and gritting your teeth, until you can turn around and tell them to **** off.
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    Move out. I'm sure they'll buy a flat for you too.
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    (Original post by viviki)
    well you have the choice to put it quite bluntly I'm really not that sympathetic. If its that unbearable you could get a job and pay for your own fees and car. If you are at uni you are old enough to be independent if you really want to be.
    yeh im not looking for sympathy...

    and although I have thought about getting a job etc and falling out becuase of it, cos thats what would happen, it would cause more friction within the family than already is.

    far more complicated than all I said.
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    Don't be such a baby. You are old enough to pay for yourself. I live at home and pay my own way and I have ample freedom from my parents. They care about me, but they know I am responsible as I have shown it.

    Oh and as for working up to 60 hours a week for £100 quid....where the hell are you working?! I work 27 hours a week max and earn £250 quid. Plus, working over 48 hours in one week is against EU laws. On a 60 hour week it's amazing you have time to have complaints about anything else.
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    (Original post by SoulSecrets)
    Don't be such a baby. You are old enough to pay for yourself. I live at home and pay my own way and I have ample freedom from my parents. They care about me, but they know I am responsible as I have shown it.

    Oh and as for working up to 60 hours a week for £100 quid....where the hell are you working?! I work 27 hours a week max and earn £250 quid. Plus, working over 48 hours in one week is against EU laws. On a 60 hour week it's amazing you have time to have complaints about anything else.
    sorry i thought it was obvious..I work for family business. and thats the hours im afraid. what money I get isnt enough to pay while im at home either.

    I have time because im off on sundays!
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    Get another job?
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    So why not stop working for the family business and get your own job. To be fair you are lucky getting paid at all. My friend used to work for her parents all summer for free because they paid her an allowance at uni and her fees all year and they didn't pay for her car.
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    Well you're just letting your life be controlled by material things aren't you?

    You have nobody but yourself to blame for being in this situation...

    I'd suggest taking control of your own life really, if they threaten to take away your car, then you're just gonna to have to let them in favour of gaining some power in your parent-son relationship, but I really doubt you'll do that. People who let themselves get into situations like this are usually beyond helping when it gets to this stage.
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    (Original post by imasillynarb)
    Well you're just letting your life be controlled by material things aren't you?

    You have nobody but yourself to blame for being in this situation...

    I'd suggest taking control of your own life really, if they threaten to take away your car, then you're just gonna to have to let them in favour of gaining some power in your parent-son relationship, but I really doubt you'll do that. People who let themselves get into situations like this are usually beyond helping when it gets to this stage.
    yes but you have no idea of the circumstances. I am not afraid to take over and say fine take the car to stop being treated like **** but everyone in family that I have asked say just stick it out etc... it will cause too much trouble within the family...

    blah blah

    its not as simple as being a weak person, as I am not.
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    Look... complaining about it isn't going to fix anything. If you *want* your life to get better then you will have to accept that it will be hard, you will have to make sacrifices and your parents won't be happy.

    The car will probably have to go, but you can take public transport (it hasn't killed me yet). And as for this job - give it up, type off a cv and go find a new one. Don't settle for anything less than £4 an hour. The university fees will be a loss (assuming they are harsh enough to take them away) but a lot of people get by on weekend jobs and student loans.

    You *can* make all these changes, but if you keep making excuses about why you can't, it'll never happen. A lot of families have friction in them (trust me, I know) but you can't let the family situation dictate the way that your day-to-day life is run. If you want to break free, break free, but don't complain about a life that you could change if you wanted to.

    I know I sound unsympathetic, sorry, but its just how I see it.

    everyone in the family that I have asked
    Trust your own judgement. If you want something to change, do it yourself.
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    (Original post by sm0273)
    well I am forced not to argue with my parents. for so many reasons. mainly they have a constant hold over me. as they give me money for uni and pay for everything with my car(as well as buying it).... so anything I do they threaten me with that. also I have to come home every holiday and work all the time for next to nothing £100 quid a week thats better than somefor usually >60hrs of my time(and if i dont work sat nights I, and go out with mates, I get disapproving comments) its like being in a prision. thus I hate summers. Other little threats that they give me are like, even if I buy clothes that I dont need, or speakers for the car they go nuts and say if you can afford to do that then you can pay for your own tyres @ 40 quid a piece etc. grrr quite right too :rolleyes:

    no one seems to understand(except my gf but shes 500miles away and I wasnt allowed to see her this summer) and I really have no choice.

    i know im lucky to be spoiled and I appreciate that when im at uni but that only 30 weeks of the year, which is quite stressful in itself then the rest is a nightmare.
    a lot of people would much rather be in your position, i know i'm not at uni yet, but I know my parents won't be able to help me much, if any at all. just hang in there, or even move out. Besides, you're at uni more than you're at home :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Mata)
    Look... complaining about it isn't going to fix anything. If you *want* your life to get better then you will have to accept that it will be hard, you will have to make sacrifices and your parents won't be happy.

    The car will probably have to go, but you can take public transport (it hasn't killed me yet). And as for this job - give it up, type off a cv and go find a new one. Don't settle for anything less than £4 an hour. The university fees will be a loss (assuming they are harsh enough to take them away) but a lot of people get by on weekend jobs and student loans.

    You *can* make all these changes, but if you keep making excuses about why you can't, it'll never happen. A lot of families have friction in them (trust me, I know) but you can't let the family situation dictate the way that your day-to-day life is run. If you want to break free, break free, but don't complain about a life that you could change if you wanted to.

    I know I sound unsympathetic, sorry, but its just how I see it.

    Trust your own judgement. If you want something to change, do it yourself.
    I am just moaning that they have a hold over me, as I feel like moaning. I dont need a solution because I feel by taking over I will loose more than I will gain, and I will feel even worse due to feeling worse...if I cant get a job what am I going to do etc. Also, the main bad thing is I dont like the job, if I had another one it might be just as ****, but with more money. Next summer I have an internship lined up and summer after I graduate - so I guess its too late.
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    So what if it makes things worse for your family? Sometimes you have to be selfish, you're just going to be a doormat for your parents the rest of your life like this.
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    (Original post by imasillynarb)
    So what if it makes things worse for your family? Sometimes you have to be selfish, you're just going to be a doormat for your parents the rest of your life like this.
    im not, as they only have power over me while theyre giving me an allowance and trying to make things easier for me...

    once I graduate and geta job, and I am independantm, it will be a diff story.
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    (Original post by sm0273)
    well I am forced not to argue with my parents. for so many reasons. mainly they have a constant hold over me. as they give me money for uni and pay for everything with my car(as well as buying it).... so anything I do they threaten me with that. also I have to come home every holiday and work all the time for next to nothing £100 quid a week for usually >60hrs of my time(and if i dont work sat nights I, and go out with mates, I get disapproving comments) its like being in a prision. thus I hate summers. Other little threats that they give me are like, even if I buy clothes that I dont need, or speakers for the car they go nuts and say if you can afford to do that then you can pay for your own tyres @ 40 quid a piece etc. grrr

    no one seems to understand(except my gf but shes 500miles away and I wasnt allowed to see her this summer) and I really have no choice.

    i know im lucky to be spoiled and I appreciate that when im at uni but that only 30 weeks of the year, which is quite stressful in itself then the rest is a nightmare.
    Shock horror! Your parents bought you a car and pay for its maintenance? And you stay in their house every summer, presumably rent-free, even though you're old enough to get a place of your own and stand on your own two feet? And they still give you an allowance even though you're an adult? They sound like absolute *******s.

    Get a better job and stop complaining.
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    my parents are simular. But ive accepted that going out will cause problems. I can go out any time when i finish uni and get my own place.

    You got 2 choices, put up and shut up or start doing things for yourself. The job you have sounds stupid get a new one. Your not using your time efficent enough, your parents might not be so restrictive about you going out if you actually werent doing everything but studying.
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    (Original post by Trousers)
    Shock horror! Your parents bought you a car and pay for its maintenance? And you stay in their house every summer, presumably rent-free, even though you're old enough to get a place of your own and stand on your own two feet? And they still give you an allowance even though you're an adult? They sound like absolute *******s.

    Get a better job and stop complaining.
    sarcastic pricks like you do not help anything. story of your life is it?
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    (Original post by sm0273)
    sarcastic pricks like you do not help anything. story of your life is it?
    Oh, calm down.

    I was just pointing out that this person is being offered a lot of help by his or her parents, and has the cheek to complain about it. His or her parents have, in all likelihood, worked very hard to be able to pay for their child's lifestyle. And not only does this person not appreciate it, he or she grumbles about it and refuses to get off his arse and fend for himself.

    Selfish pricks like him do not think about this from his parents' point of view, proving they have a very childish outlook, possibly because they've been spoiled so much. I think a bit of sarcasm is the least of his problems.
 
 
 
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