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long distance relationship at uni

what are the chances of a relationship lasting through uni?

i've been with my boyfriend 8 months now and i really don't know what to do if i go uni?

Before i met him i was so sure that going to uni was what i wanted to do but recently i've started to change my mind, i don't want to break up with him cuz we got something special but i don't want either of us to get hurt? he's asked me to stay with him and not go but is it worth giving up what i've always wanted to do for something that might not work out long term?

i'm going to be four hours away if i go uni and i won't have my car so not likely i'd see him that often. i know it could work if we both really wanted it but is it worth it?

i'm going crazy, don't like talking to my boyfriend about it cuz it upsets us both just duno what i want? sorry for the story just had to get it out somewhere x

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Reply 1

clairey87

Does he not want to go to uni?

Reply 2

crazy_cutie44

he wants me to stay with him

Reply 3

pikaboo

Go to uni. If the relationship is meant to last then it will do, and your boyfriend should understand that.

Reply 4

clairey87

Yeah you should go! My boyfriend and I (if we both get the results) are going to the same university but we decided that if only one of us gets in, the other should still go.

Reply 5

MrsCheese

I'm in the same situation, been with b/f 8 months... However, there's no doubt in my mind that I want to stay with him.... But I don't think you can compare your relationship with anyone elses, you have to decide how you feel about this person, do you see a future with him after uni? If yes, then get serious and give it a go.. If no, then maybe you need to think about a separation... It's certainly a difficult situation to be in, and not one i'd predicted being in either, but as I said, I've never questioned finishing it, so fingers crossed with trust and a hell of a lot of commitment it will all work out :smile:

Reply 6

rubysolstice

Of course you should go. I'm sure you know all about telephones. Absence makes the heart grow fonder... :wink:

Reply 7

Mean Mr. Mustard

crazy_cutie44

he wants me to stay with him

if he said that, he's not worth it, dump him.

I'd never *ever* stop someone I cared about doing something as important as going to University if it was what they wanted to do...

so yeah. kick his ass to the kerb sista! (or something :redface:

)

Reply 8

Soapysudds1

iv been with my boyfriend 19 months now and while we were applying for uni we didnt even 'check' if each other minded which unis we were going to (bad wording sorry) because we both new that this is what we wanted to do, n although we wanted to stay together we would go where ever we wanted to go, even if this meant being at opposite sides of the country. if hes telling you that he wants you to stay with him and not go to uni then hes holding you back ,id say get rid of him now, i no i would if i was in tht situation.

Reply 9

mirandab

I agree, uni's dead important & if he'd rather hold you back than support you thru it, he's not worth it! i know if my fella gave me the ultimatum, i'd choose uni anyday! its guaranteed to still be there 3 or 4 years down the line!!! is he??

Reply 10

lululovesharry

If you both want to be together then you'll be together. I'm off to Germany for a year to teach English and me and my boyfriend seem to have mutually decided that it's not going to be a problem. Just relax and see each other when you can.

Reply 11

Anubis

TBH, and I know you guys aren't gonna like what I am gonna say but I would reckon about 80% of people already in a relationship who go to uni will no longer be in that relationship at the end of the first year.

Its from experience - and most of it is to do with trust. You need years worth of love and commitment from what I have seen in order for a long distance, long term relationship to work.

I know this is going to break a LOT of hearts and it'll prolly put that stabbing motion into your hearts - but i very much doubt a lot of you will be together and many of you will break up cos the distance is too great (rarely see eachother) or that least one party has met someone else!

Thats not to say ALL will be lost - I honestly say that 20% or so are still together and they are the ones that are truely in love. But even those still see eachother a lot. They visit eachother loads and stay faithful.

Reply 12

xx_ambellina_xx

I think the key to a long distance relationship is honesty and perseverance. Oh, and if the bloke's not a complete evil so-and-so, it helps vaguely. Though where do you find blokes like that?

Reply 13

sahsum

Do you think he asked you to stay because although he trusts you he loves you so much he can't bear to be without you, or because he's jealous that you will meet other guys etc despite uni being the most positive thing for your future? If its the first thing, he'll probably understand that you want to go and your relationship might grow stronger when you miss eachother. In the second case, he's being unfair asking you to stay and going to uni will probably cause some problems if he's the jealous kind. I've just split up with my boyfriend of 3 years, and one of the main reasons was that I knew he would be the ridiculously jealous type whilst I'm away at uni and I don't see why I or anyone should have to put up with that.

Reply 14

lady

if he truly cared for you then he would not ask you to stay and miss out on uni. my boyfriend is going to uni this october and although it will brake my heart to see him go, there is no way i would ever ask him not to leave. if its ment to be you will be able to last through university, thats what i intend to try to do.
go to uni, you'll just end up resenting him for staying at home.
xxx

Reply 15

r_raghav11

career is important. if ur bf loves u ...i'm sure both of u wud be ready for a sacrifice.

Reply 16

Mean Mr. Mustard

xx_ambellina_xx

I think the key to a long distance relationship is honesty and perseverance. Oh, and if the bloke's not a complete evil so-and-so, it helps vaguely. Though where do you find blokes like that?

erm...it'd also be nice if the girl wasn't 'a complete evil so-and-so' as well non?

Reply 17

crazy_cutie44

he has said that if i really wana go then we can give it a try but i don't know. don't wana hurt him.
guess i'll have to wait til thurs then i'll def have to make a decision x

Reply 18

xx_ambellina_xx

Babyshambles

erm...it'd also be nice if the girl wasn't 'a complete evil so-and-so' as well non?

I was merely recounting my own long-distance experiences :p:

Reply 19

Mean Mr. Mustard

crazy_cutie44

he has said that if i really wana go then we can give it a try but i don't know. don't wana hurt him.
guess i'll have to wait til thurs then i'll def have to make a decision x

If you give up uni because of him, that would make you incredibly stupid.

There's nothing to say a LDR can't work either...

...though i still think he's a selfish tw*t and you should dump him.