med school screw up letting off steam

Second thread here, kind of a selfish attention one again.

I worked hard through school, and got into med school. School bored the **** out of me, I knew I was learning pointless **** just so I could regurgitate it in an exam. That's not what education should be.

Anyways, I aimed high and applied for Med school, because I had no view of what I wanted to do.

The day of my results, I was practically praying that I wouldn't get in to medical school. It seemed like a waste of my life.

And now I'm running the same gauntlet of learning before, exept this time I'm failing. I just haven't been trying.
Here's how I feel. I feel I can't escape our ******* times. I can treat someone's illness, and earn money for myself. But most people are going to be miserable anyway, most people's problems aren't their illness.

I spiralled into misery, self harm, self pity, bulemia, panic attacks, social withdrawal, and came very very close to killing myself.

I really wanted to help people, but becoming a doctor isn't helping anyone really, because if I wasn't a doctor, they'd get treated by another doctor anyway. I'm not bringing anything to the table. Just another cog in the system, and one that's worked into the ground.
Loads of people would kill to be in my position.
I honestly feel like spending 5 years learning medical knowledge is stagnating my ******* mind.

I feel like I was born into this world capable of taking so much in, and bettering the world of the future, but I don't know how.

Anyways, tomorrow I have to go into uni and explain why, after being allowed to resit my first year I am carp-ing it up the wall by not attending properly. If they knew about my self harm/ suicide issues last year they would consider if a fitness to practice issue, and I would probably be removed from the school.

And I don't want a decision taken out of my hands like that, but I kind of think I might crack somewhere along the line.

I just needed to get it off my chest.

Reply 1

JDW91

Baby, you sound very startled.

Reply 2

Too Many Decisions

I don't understand why you are self-harming?

Cheer up mate.

Reply 3

crazylemon

20

My god I hope I don't end up in this situation.

Not sure what I can say to help...

Reply 4

TwirlGirl

15

try and be positive :console:

Reply 5

Mexicola

OP

I'm not self harming any more, stopped that about a year ago,

but ARGH. Sorry to scare you Lemon, if it's any consellation most people are fine.

Reply 6

Mexicola

OP

This thread is doubly selfish because I didn't pose any questions to be answered, I didn't make it easy to be helped haha. I'll sort myself out one way or another.

Reply 7

Too Many Decisions

So why are you depressed? It seems that it's without reason. Maybe you need some perspective.

Reply 8

SomeStudent

15

Mexicola

I'm not self harming any more, stopped that about a year ago,

but ARGH. Sorry to scare you Lemon, if it's any consellation most people are fine.

What's making you depressed? Is it too much uni work, little social life? Have you tried balancing those two - adapting a "work hard, play hard" attitude?

Reply 9

Mexicola

OP

I'm not depressed, I was previously. I'm now angry and frustrated. I feel that I've agreed to work myself into the ground doing a pointless job, and dont know what else I'd do with my life.

Reply 10

Too Many Decisions

Mexicola

I'm not depressed, I was previously. I'm now angry and frustrated. I feel that I've agreed to work myself into the ground doing a pointless job, and dont know what else I'd do with my life.

Medicine obviously isn't for you then! You're clearly intelligent to get into med school so change course and do something you enjoy.

Reply 11

Mexicola

OP

Gah, I'm sorry. I've got myself in a tiz and as a result there's no way I'll be able to be constructive on this thread. Expressing my ******* self created misery isnt going to help me. I'll probably be fine after the meeting tomorrow.
Cheers for your help.

Reply 12

crazylemon

20

Mexicola

I'm not self harming any more, stopped that about a year ago,

but ARGH. Sorry to scare you Lemon, if it's any consellation most people are fine.

It is fine dw about it was more the thought it could happen than thinking it likely.
Must suck for you though :console:

Reply 13

I_Lost_The_Game

This would probably be me in 2 years time if I did medicine (and got in).

Drop out of medicine and do a course you like which doesn't involve learning everything e.g. Maths :thumbsup:

Reply 14

nurse207

1

You seem to hold a bit of a pessimistic view. You think most people are unhappy. I'm guessing its because youre unhappy. It sounds like you need some counselling to get to the root of your unhappiness. Well done for getting into med school. You are probably one of the most intelligent and hardest working people in the world and you should feel good about that but you seem to think its a waste of time. Maybe its because youre not doing clinicals yet? Or maybe you arent allowing yourself to be happy. You say you feel like a cog in the system. That's quite true, in terms of the NHS I guess but you are still a medical student and you get a type of interaction with people that other careers rarely offer.

I think you need a more professional opinion.

Reply 15

olalala

11

your thinking too deep into things, its pointless thinking bout not being able to make a massive difference or whatever, because like you said there are other problems that you wouldn't be able to fix, and no one can fix everything, but if everyone thought like that then there would be a big problem.
you should try to focus on what you want in your life to make you happy, rather than thinking bout all the rest of it, because it is depressing,
what im trying to say sounds alot better in my head, so sorry if that dont make much sense, its been a bad day

Reply 16

Mexicola

OP

Too Many Decisions

Medicine obviously isn't for you then! You're clearly intelligent to get into med school so change course and do something you enjoy.

Haha, I was hoping to hear that answer. But my family sees it as burning a bridge, marking my name as someone who gives up, and entering into a world where there aren't any jobs available, with no direction in my life.

Reply 17

crazylemon

20

Mexicola

Haha, I was hoping to hear that answer. But my family sees it as burning a bridge, marking my name as someone who gives up, and entering into a world where there aren't any jobs available, with no direction in my life.

Then see if you can transfer to another course?

Reply 18

fiiishh

Sorry to sound harsh but if you hate it so much you should either drop out or change degree subject. It is not a good idea doing a whole medicine degree if you don't want to, because that's such a waste of 5 years. Just do a degree you're interested in even if you have no idea what you want to do after that, it's what I done, and now I know exactly what I want to do, and I have plans. Don't worry about things so much, you're obviously very intelligent so things will work out just fine.

Reply 19

username163092

19

Mexicola

I'm not depressed, I was previously. I'm now angry and frustrated. I feel that I've agreed to work myself into the ground doing a pointless job, and dont know what else I'd do with my life.

I know this isn't nearly the same situation, but last year (my AS year) I really thought I wanted to do medicine for much the same reasons as you. I then managed to become my sixth form's joint charities team leader and not only raised money/awareness through that but also became determined to raise awareness and understanding about eating disorders (I'm in recovery from one at the moment). Suddenly I realised that I could achieve the helping people/changing the world without studying subjects I honestly despised to study medicine.

I'm now on course to (hopefully) study the subject I wanted to when I was 7 years old. I know now that I can change/help the world in a different way. Whether that turns out to be joining the police, becoming a counselor, social worker, working/volunteering for a charity, raising awareness through journalism, whatever, I can make a difference and still study a subject I actually enjoy.

:hugs:

I'm sure you know that self harming and bulimia (and I can't remember the rest) are very serious and I urge you to see a doctor or counselor.

med school screw up letting off steam

Related discussions

Articles for you