my life is empty

BACKROUND INFO
I'm always awkward around people...in class i'm very quiet most of the time. Back when I was younger (like 9 or 10) I was one of the most popular people in the year. I was so carefree and happy and sometimes when I dream of those days I wake up and for a split second I feel that same carefree feeling I felt back then.

My confidence has been effected by a number of things, people in my year started turning on me in year 11 all the people I thought were my best friends slowly shunned me over the course of the year. I was still very good friends with one of the people and managed to build a group of 4 good friends - we all liked each other and hung out etc -. Last year my best friend was expelled and moved to the other side of the country to go to bording school...I haven't seen him since - 9 months - but we've kept in touch thru facebook... ever since he got expelled our little group of friends sort of disbanded and all the rest have joined other social groups.

IMPORTANT PART
I have no friends now and I spend my time in the library doing homework. The thing is deep inside I want to have fun...I wish I could be doing fun stuff on the weekend etc...I want to live for the moment and take risks like I used to. I've tried to convice myself that being a loner's not so bad...but I wish I could have a social life.

I haven't spoken to a girl since the beginning of Year 9. I go to an all boys school and have done all my life. We have a sister school but I can't get to know them now its years too late...everyone knows each other already and if they met me they'd ask why I never hung out with any of them before.

On top of this I'm 15 and I'm only 5'1. I feel like a midget all of the time and on first impression people think i'm like 11. I tried getting into a 12 last time i went to a cinema - last month with my only friend left (we're not even that close) - and they had to have 3 people check my ID...it was so embarrasing I wanted to cry I was holding up the queue and everything.

All of this has made me lose so much confidence in myself...I'm always fidgeting, smiling stupidly etc. I just want so much to have a normal teenage life. I want to at least talk to a girl before I turn 16. I'm depressed all the time and have been for the last 2 years...I've even considered suicide before and I break down and cry regularly...every 2 weeks or so.

Sorry for the long write up...just wanted to vent a bit :frown: