I have an extremely strict muslim family - but I don't believe in Islam. Watch

SmurfyZ
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#181
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#181
(Original post by Anonymous)
I can't even begin to imagine being in a situation like this. But I can try to offer you advice, and I hope it helps. Even if it doesn't, just know that many people on here are supporting you and wishing the best for you.
I think you should go to Uni, but not live at home. Get through Uni, get a job, and once you know you can support yourself, break away from them. Maybe even work part time during uni to save up. Just make sure that you are in no way financially dependent on them before you do break away.
I have known people who have broken away from their families during uni, and the family has subsequently withdrawn financial support, leaving them in a nasty mess. I know there are support systems for cases like this, but it's really tough. It sounds horrible, almost like I'm saying 'go on playacting until they've paid for uni and then get out' but sometimes that's what you have to do for self preservation. Maybe you can even pay them back over time so as to be completely free of guilt.

Good luck to you!

This is a 7 year old post lol! you wrote all that for nothing, sorry mate
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Dontgotosks
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why consult an Imam? I've made my decision about Islam - i don't know what religion if any i believe in, and believe me it's a very highly informed decision i've made too, i've been forced to study hadith and the quran pretty much my whole life.

I find it too hard to speak to people about this directly. This is hard enough for me. I've considered speaking to my old teachers, i've even tried before, but i've never told anyone until now. I'm moving quite far, but it won't make a difference.
I thought I knew I didn't want to be a Muslim anymore too. I converted to Catholicism and then to Buddhism but I felt most at home with Islam.
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Anonymous #12
#183
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#183
Before anything, you need to start to make yourself closer to Allah! How? By praying your five daily prayers on time and make sure you make them your main thing. Do not miss any prayer gor any reason whatsoever!!
Now for your parents!
You have been patient for 19 years so try to be more patient okay?
Im npt saying be okay with how they treat you or be okay with being bossed around like a kid but maybe they have reasons? Maybe you still haven't showes them that you are mature and old enough!! Parents will always be parents no matter what!
Get closer to your dad. Every morning greet your mum and dad !!
Kiss their heada out of respect! All these simple things will change your parents because they'll see that no matter what they have done to you, you still respect them. Dont be so defensive! Dont shout at them amd do npt cut contact with them.
Remember that no matter wjat they have done, they will always be your parents. Yesyou dont have a social life but maybe if you did have, you would have been influenced with nad things etc etc...
Now you said it urself, you couldn't date or ask a girl out (something like that) but that's forbidden in islam isnt it? Dating is haram unless, you go out with her with any of her mahrim to get to know her so that you marry her!!
At least you were protected from that AlhamduLilah because nowadays, teens do such mistakes that end up with them doing zina(fornication)!!
Brother, you need to read more about islam and understand it.
Your parents are your doors to jannah!!
Your parents are looking after you but maybe they show it in the wrong way!
When was the last time you read Quran? Wallahi just listening to Quran will make you calm.
Brother pray istikhara( 2 raka for Allah to ask for guidance and help) !!
Running away from your parents wont bring any good.
Try to get closer to them and if that wont be possible you think of better ways to make ur life better!
Getting married also isnt a bad idea but you need to be able to take care of ur family!
So brother, study university and if its abroad them do not cut contact with ur parents!! Wallahi they love you no matter how much you think they dont.
May Allah guide you and guide us all.
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username3320302
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#184
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#184
I hear a lot of people on this thread urging you to cut all communication with your parents i don't really care whether you leave Islam but come on their your parents you have to support them financially at least
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New- Emperor
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#185
(Original post by Anonymous)
. I'm moving quite far, but it won't make a difference.
Why won't it make a difference you will be out of the house at last living your own life unless they are planning to spy on you you should be ok.
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Aayyyaaann
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#186
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#186
It isn't Islam that is an unlucky religion. It is your parents. They just want you to be good. I kind of agree that they are very strict and you might be unlucky. I am so sorry of your unluckinest life.
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Free will
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#187
I have the same problem pakistani family but strict rules can't have friends around or go alone outside withoit there permission you can't smile.but my childgood was the beSt until I turged 17 and got my self engaged to my mums auntys son and her Hitler friend who given her bad thought about my sister and me she started showing angry more at me and all pressure is put on me and I am the four sister staying home and parents are going umrah and the repeat again and again about strict rules and then she says she getting us forced married without say yes to a guy meaning getting marrid the Islamic way which is haram marriage because one of them did not agree to islamic the and both my parents had love marriage and the fight all day
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Abdibanana
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#188
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#188
(Original post by Anonymous)
sorry for the long post, really have got a lot on my plate.

My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.

But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.

My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc

They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.

I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.

It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.

my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
Brother please read this. I'm telling you this and it may seem disrespectful because you've been raised in such a strict environment but you need to talk to your dad personally before anything and tell him straight how you feel about everything. In Islam there are many beliefs, it's not just as minimal as Sunni and Shia it goes way beyond that and they also have different beliefs which makes some people go way over the top and try to be perfect which we know can't be done. If I were you I'd research about Islam and follow what you think is right, as you've said yourself you haven't got anything against the religion but what you've been bought up by. If it comes to you having to leave the house or you being kicked out then so be it, just turn to Allah and he'll help you.
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Anonymous #13
#189
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#189
hiii , i thinkk your not 19 anymore , im 19 i have the same situation even moreeee im toooooo tired help please what happened to u are u happy now ?
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mnaureen
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#190
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#190
I have the same exact problem. When I tell my parents I don’t believe in something it is not acceptable for them and they would give me some illogical explainations which honestly makes me hate everything even more. I don’t have a problem with them believing in this religion but I do have a problem with them forcing it on me.
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Anonymous #14
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#191
(Original post by Anonymous)
sorry for the long post, really have got a lot on my plate.

My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.

But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.

My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc

They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.

I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.

It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.

my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
It's weird but I've been in the exact same situation except I'm a girl, I've defended my mum when things got physical but she did the same thing as your mum too, they kinda blame me for their arguments to be honestly, In my opinion like my best advice would be to wait for university and see how things are there but I feel afraid for your mum because you said he gets physical, do you have any other siblings? maybe you should tell somebody once youre at university and that way the university can support you and your family.
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mnaureen
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I have the same exact problem. When I tell my parents that I don’t believe in something it is not acceptable for them and they would give me some illogical explainations which honestly makes me hate everything even more. I don’t have a problem with them believing in this religion but I do have a problem with them forcing it on me.
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Anonymous #15
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#193
(Original post by Anonymous)
W. I'm moving quite far, but it won't make a difference.
Why you are moving AWAY just think about that you can drop Islam your z um and Dad can’t stop you really what are the going to do get someone to tail you ifor stalk you that’s an offence you could get a restraing order put on them if they come down and start harassing you.

Have you tryed talking to them I assume saying strait up I don’t believe in Islam would not go down well tell them that you are having a crisis of faith and you need some time to get your head straight this way they feel that it’s junta phase and will grow out of it but you know better or just stop contact with them. Do you think they may try to stop you going to uni?
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bob12869
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no because all this time they tried to care for you the food, the house the clothes all of that for 19 years and you don't help them / pay them back
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bob12869
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#195
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#195
(Original post by Rumple Foreskin)
Take the financial help they give you for uni and when you leave uni, move out and excommunicate yourself. Don't pay them back. If you don't like them (or hate as you said about your dad) then don't help them. If they are trying to control you, take advantage of them, and on their own heads be it.
No don't do that because your cheating them. Think about all the food, clothes and shelter they've given to you for 19 years. Also no offense maybe because of you not doing the things that muslims are supposedto be doing like praying god is testing you or just angry/punishing you for patience
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bob12869
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Before anything, you need to start to make yourself closer to Allah! How? By praying your five daily prayers on time and make sure you make them your main thing. Do not miss any prayer gor any reason whatsoever!!
Now for your parents!
You have been patient for 19 years so try to be more patient okay?
Im npt saying be okay with how they treat you or be okay with being bossed around like a kid but maybe they have reasons? Maybe you still haven't showes them that you are mature and old enough!! Parents will always be parents no matter what!
Get closer to your dad. Every morning greet your mum and dad !!
Kiss their heada out of respect! All these simple things will change your parents because they'll see that no matter what they have done to you, you still respect them. Dont be so defensive! Dont shout at them amd do npt cut contact with them.
Remember that no matter wjat they have done, they will always be your parents. Yesyou dont have a social life but maybe if you did have, you would have been influenced with nad things etc etc...
Now you said it urself, you couldn't date or ask a girl out (something like that) but that's forbidden in islam isnt it? Dating is haram unless, you go out with her with any of her mahrim to get to know her so that you marry her!!
At least you were protected from that AlhamduLilah because nowadays, teens do such mistakes that end up with them doing zina(fornication)!!
Brother, you need to read more about islam and understand it.
Your parents are your doors to jannah!!
Your parents are looking after you but maybe they show it in the wrong way!
When was the last time you read Quran? Wallahi just listening to Quran will make you calm.
Brother pray istikhara( 2 raka for Allah to ask for guidance and help) !!
Running away from your parents wont bring any good.
Try to get closer to them and if that wont be possible you think of better ways to make ur life better!
Getting married also isnt a bad idea but you need to be able to take care of ur family!
So brother, study university and if its abroad them do not cut contact with ur parents!! Wallahi they love you no matter how much you think they dont.
May Allah guide you and guide us all.
It's not just for her its actually for everyone who has problems or just something small like a detention just do what this says because it will take you to jannah inshallah
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marj666
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Omg, I am in the exact same situation as you. I'm 19 too
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Hassannajib
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Stay strong, i want to leave education to do youtube full time but my parents are concerned, they are very nice to me though but when i tell them that school is a waste of time for me they hate it. Be strong and dont forget ALLAH, read the QURAN in english translation and it will guide you back to islam inshallah. Please READ THE QURAN IN ENGLISH TRANSLATION AND RESEARCH IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBTS PLEASE! Stay strong and stronger, AMEEN
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Professional G
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(Original post by Hassannajib)
Stay strong, i want to leave education to do youtube full time but my parents are concerned, they are very nice to me though but when i tell them that school is a waste of time for me they hate it. Be strong and dont forget ALLAH, read the QURAN in english translation and it will guide you back to islam inshallah. Please READ THE QURAN IN ENGLISH TRANSLATION AND RESEARCH IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBTS PLEASE! Stay strong and stronger, AMEEN
This thread is 7 years ago. The OP is already long gone.
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Anonymous #16
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I hope you are doing well. All I can tell study well and earn enough to support yourself as that is the only option you have. I am going through the same thing, my parents are religious and I m not. It is extremely frustrating when people can’t accept that you are different from them and still try to change you. People will tell you to read islamic things and go to imam and what not but if you don’t believe in it then you don’t need to go through any of those things. Just know that whatever you will be doing will be for your own good. When I try to talk about these things to my parents I get illogical statements from their end like ‘you don’t have faith because you don’t pray’ but that is not how it works, it should be the other way around but I can’t make them see my point because they simply don’t want to. Your parents won’t change their beliefs but only force you to change yours. Study hard and make sure you earn on your own so that you can make your own decisions in future. All the best
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