I have an extremely strict muslim family - but I don't believe in Islam. Watch

xxAFFxx
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#21
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#21
(Original post by saab_101)
So much for anonymous.

I'm moving out. If i broke contact, they wouldn't leave it there. My mum would either do everything in her power to make my life miserable, or everything to change my mind, and then once she'd realised it wouldn't be changed, she'd try and make me miserable. Then i'd have all my muslim friends trying to convince me, and my extended family. Then most of them would eventually reject me, and the rest would be disappointed in me i guess.
I'd recommend you go to uni and distance yourself fro them. But break contact after you graduate. I notice you want to study medicine well once you graduate from med school and you get a really fancy job as a med intern(?) make sure to move to another city like and just carry on with your life. They wont b able to do anything because you'll be 24 year old, in another city with your own career and life they cant do anything. You'll be sorted.
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Sariya
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#22
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#22
(Original post by saab_101)
So much for anonymous.

I'm moving out. If i broke contact, they wouldn't leave it there. My mum would either do everything in her power to make my life miserable, or everything to change my mind, and then once she'd realised it wouldn't be changed, she'd try and make me miserable. Then i'd have all my muslim friends trying to convince me, and my extended family. Then most of them would eventually reject me, and the rest would be disappointed in me i guess.
Try easing yourself out of it?

Once you've got out of the home bubble, you'll hit a sense of perspective. Wonderful feeling, I assure you.

They'll find it difficult to dictate your life from afar- both parties'll get used to not being around the other.

Who knows? You might even find that your friends and family aren't quite as quick to disown as you might think.
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Red Blade
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#23
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#23
(Original post by Anonymous)
sorry for the long post, really have got a lot on my plate.

My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.

But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.

My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc

They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.

I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.

It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.

my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.
Go to uni, do a good IMPORTANT degree.
Find a well paid job.
And get the **** out.

When going to uni will you be on campus or will you travel from home to uni?
If you sleep at the univercity campus away from home then that solves a lot of it.
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Deshi
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Anonymous)
I disagree with many of its rulings. It's not something I'd like to start debating actually, my decision is made. I've lied to myself about it for long enough, about being a "moderate muslim" and only following the rules i agree with, but that wouldn't be right imo.
Haha I so feel this way as well man, your not alone. But the difference I guess is that my parents are not as strict as yours, they even let me go to Greece last year with all my mates :lolwut:

Can't really help you tbh, but I feel for you man, can't imagine what it would be like to live in a very strict Muslim household tbh.
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shriya
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#25
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#25
(Original post by saab_101)
So much for anonymous.

I'm moving out. If i broke contact, they wouldn't leave it there. My mum would either do everything in her power to make my life miserable, or everything to change my mind, and then once she'd realised it wouldn't be changed, she'd try and make me miserable. Then i'd have all my muslim friends trying to convince me, and my extended family. Then most of them would eventually reject me, and the rest would be disappointed in me i guess.
dont break contact, stay in touch...but not too much if that makes sense. med is a long degree, you will have plenty of time to think about how to deal with them after that. I honestly think once you have had a chance to breathe, not that i am suggesting your parents are suffocating you..you may see things differently.
how do you know they want you to move back in with you once you complete your degree?
why dont you try and get a job during this time (i think you said you were on a gap year??) atleast you will have a chance to get out of the house.
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saab_101
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Annoying-Mouse)
When did you leave Islam? It seems by your post that a couple of months ago you were a Muslim.
I've been in denial about it for a long time, trying to convince myself i could believe in just the parts i agree with. god i hope noone i actualyl know reads this
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YL_LDN
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#27
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#27
(Original post by saab_101)
So much for anonymous.

I'm moving out. If i broke contact, they wouldn't leave it there. My mum would either do everything in her power to make my life miserable, or everything to change my mind, and then once she'd realised it wouldn't be changed, she'd try and make me miserable. Then i'd have all my muslim friends trying to convince me, and my extended family. Then most of them would eventually reject me, and the rest would be disappointed in me i guess.

I think the best thing to do is to show them respect but to not let them run your life. You can PM me if you want, my family is not Muslim but i can empathise with your life a lot.
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mathsrule
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#28
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#28
Hi, I am a muslim mum and i would say practising muslim and i am really sad to read your thread. I have a 16 year old son, although i am quite protective of him i sometimes allow him to go to the cinema with his friends because i trust both him and his friends. He is my best friend and we do not have secrets.I can relate to the fact that your parents treat you like a kid and at the same time want you to behave as an adult because i had parents like that myself.However your parents must be really proud of you because you sound like a very level headed boy and landing your support to your friend. I would be really proud to be your mum. Please son try to talk to someone about your feelings because bottling them up will take its toll. The fact that you have gratitude for your parents bringing you up shows that you are a good son ( it is a shame that your parents can't see that!)and this will not go unrewarded from Allah. I am sad that you think it is because of islam that your parents are like this. I can assure you it is not. Probably your dad has deep rooted issues himself and sadly enough your mother is also at the receiving end of your dad.
I pray that things will change very soon for you. Do not despair but turn to Allah for help. Big Hug from a cyber Mum
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In2deep
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#29
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#29
(Original post by saab_101)
I've been in denial about it for a long time, trying to convince myself i could believe in just the parts i agree with. god i hope noone i actualyl know reads this
If you don't mind me asking, what part don't you agree with? You keep on saying that you're pretty knowledgeable on Islam.
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saab_101
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#30
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#30
(Original post by mathsrule)
Hi, I am a muslim mum and i would say practising muslim and i am really sad to read your thread. I have a 16 year old son, although i am quite protective of him i sometimes allow him to go to the cinema with his friends because i trust both him and his friends. He is my best friend and we do not have secrets.I can relate to the fact that your parents treat you like a kid and at the same time want you to behave as an adult because i had parents like that myself.However your parents must be really proud of you because you sound like a very level headed boy and landing your support to your friend. I would be really proud to be your mum. Please son try to talk to someone about your feelings because bottling them up will take its toll. The fact that you have gratitude for your parents bringing you up shows that you are a good son ( it is a shame that your parents can't see that!)and this will not go unrewarded from Allah. I am sad that you think it is because of islam that your parents are like this. I can assure you it is not. Probably your dad has deep rooted issues himself and sadly enough your mother is also at the receiving end of your dad.
I pray that things will change very soon for you. Do not despair but turn to Allah for help. Big Hug from a cyber Mum
I don't think it's because of islam, please don't misunderstand me. I disagree with some of it's rulings, that's why i've come to that particular decision regarding it.

Okay, i need to clear something up here. My parents have beat me, each other, and made my life hell. My dad is literally dead to me, the hardest part of my life is having to act like nothing's wrong between us, something i usually fail at anyway. My mum treats me like ****, but every now and then i see who she used to be and i love that woman. But i can't help her, she wont' help herself, and she in particular would never accept my decision regarding religion.

I realise i made the thread sounds purely about islam - it's not, i wasn't thinking straight when i chose the title tbh.
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p0ppit
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#31
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#31
(Original post by Rumple Foreskin)
Take the financial help they give you for uni and when you leave uni, move out and excommunicate yourself. Don't pay them back. If you don't like them (or hate as you said about your dad) then don't help them. If they are trying to control you, take advantage of them, and on their own heads be it.
i like this ^^^^^
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saab_101
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#32
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#32
(Original post by Annoying-Mouse)
Is that why you changed your profil? Lol. :p:
yes, yes it is. Although i know at least on friend will see this most probably, since i met her on tsr. I just hope she knows i'm still exactly the same person if she does see this.
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Inzamam99
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#33
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#33
(Original post by JakePearson)
But it's an example of strict religious codes implemented. Anyway, not the place to debate this. I think what you need to do is go to uni and then tell them. That way you can avoid them. If they can't accept you for what you are then shame on them.
Help or go away. Islam doesn't permit beating your children or not letting them meet friends. For guidance on violence and genocide, read the Torah or Bible or meet with someone from the IDF- much more "brutal" than the Quran.

OP one of my mates parents are like that although very well off, just strict on letting him go out to parties etc. I'd recommend getting a Job- (would they let you?) so you can fund your education as best as you can. Also when you grow up and get a job they'll have no right to dictate your life- it's merely having the courage to say it to them when **** hits the fan even if involves having a shouting match you must make them understand this. And don't tell them you've left Islam cos if they're religious they'll do their nut (like don't ever tell them).

You can compensate by ensuring you don't do the same with your kids.
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saab_101
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#34
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#34
Also, just to clarify, yes i'm moving out to uni, doing medicine. You'd think they'd be proud, but things have gotten distinctly worse since i got accepted.

I guess one of the main things is that i'm scared of having so many people in my life turn against me, i care so much about most of them. And how can i live off someone for 19 years and then suddenly abandon them? One of my little sisters is turning 15 soon, and i'm starting to watch her become more and more miserable as she gets left out of friendship groups and feels isolated. It's not as bad for her though, she has several close muslim friends and is happy with the religion, but i worry about her.
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mathsrule
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#35
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#35
it is not in my intentions to reply to this thread just to convince him to believe in Islam but rather to support him because my heart goes to him. Since i am muslim i have to ask him to turn to Allah and not anything else. I am 44 years old and I myself has broken free from my father at the age of 37 . i managed to tell him that the beating i took from him as a child was unjustified and is child abuse. he denied eveything and told me that i must be mad . I have not spoken to him since then. Everything i do for my children i believe are my duties and i will never hold them to account for that. I can only guide them to the best of my abilities and pray for the best.i have chosen to have children so it is my duties to cloth them, feed them, educate them etc...

It is an Asian thing to blackmail children and make them feel guilty so that they don't voice their opinion.
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SirRamAlot
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#36
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#36
Go to uni, don't **** up there, get a degree, get a job so you have your own standing, without having to rely on them financially and then you won't have to worry about pissing them off with stuff like marriage, letting them live with you and more importantly them knowing about you leaving Islam, as you won't have to rely on them for money and living in general. But still they are your family, so you shouldn't forget them, like Inzamam said you don't have to tell them that you've left Islam as that will make things even worse than they are now. Just vow to yourself, that you will live a good life without relying on things you don't want, because it's possible.
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Whatsinaname
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#37
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#37
(Original post by saab_101)
So much for anonymous.

I'm moving out. If i broke contact, they wouldn't leave it there. My mum would either do everything in her power to make my life miserable, or everything to change my mind, and then once she'd realised it wouldn't be changed, she'd try and make me miserable. Then i'd have all my muslim friends trying to convince me, and my extended family. Then most of them would eventually reject me, and the rest would be disappointed in me i guess.
Oooh, another evil apostate! Welcome to the club! Wish I could help.... I'd love to tell you it's all going to be alright.... but life isn't a fairytale. My parents have no idea either. It's been 5 weeks, I've told my brother, his reaction was.... predictable.... but I trust him to keep it to himself. My family would probably disown me, all my extended family are strict Muslims too..... and most of my friends.... but there a few I can trust, a few I've convinced to denounce Islam too.... at the moment I can do most of the things I want, but I know eventually there'll come a time when I'm going to have to make a choice, and unfortunately the only possible outcome I can see is leaving home. Not much help here, am I? Just know that you're not alone, there are plenty of other ex-muslims on here, a lot of whom are hiding it, I've been discussing it via PMs with some of them. If you ever fancy a chat, I'm all ears. People here think you've rejected Islam because of your parent's behaviour.... if only they knew......
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Whatsinaname
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#38
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#38
(Original post by Non-anon)
I have the same situation.
I don't know how I can actually help you, OP, but at least you know that you're not the only one...
One more year until uni, I guess- but then what?
And another one! :woo: ..... I think it'd be good to have a society on here for Muslim apostates.... where we can share problems without a load of idiots trying to convince us to follow Islam.... some people who've mentioned their beliefs on TSR have faced a load of abuse for it..... don't blame the OP for going anonymous at first.
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xxAFFxx
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#39
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#39
(Original post by saab_101)
Also, just to clarify, yes i'm moving out to uni, doing medicine. You'd think they'd be proud, but things have gotten distinctly worse since i got accepted.

I guess one of the main things is that i'm scared of having so many people in my life turn against me, i care so much about most of them. And how can i live off someone for 19 years and then suddenly abandon them? One of my little sisters is turning 15 soon, and i'm starting to watch her become more and more miserable as she gets left out of friendship groups and feels isolated. It's not as bad for her though, she has several close muslim friends and is happy with the religion, but i worry about her.
Exactly which is why you cant completely cut your whole family out - you've got to be there for you little siblings. Imagine if you run off at uni and just completely cut them off how would your siblings feel that you left them, they may come to rejecting Islam when they're older like you because of your parents.
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xxAFFxx
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(Original post by Whatsinaname)
Oooh, another evil apostate! Welcome to the club! Wish I could help.... I'd love to tell you it's all going to be alright.... but life isn't a fairytale. My parents have no idea either. It's been 5 weeks, I've told my brother, his reaction was.... predictable.... but I trust him to keep it to himself. My family would probably disown me, all my extended family are strict Muslims too..... and most of my friends.... but there a few I can trust, a few I've convinced to denounce Islam too.... at the moment I can do most of the things I want, but I know eventually there'll come a time when I'm going to have to make a choice, and unfortunately the only possible outcome I can see is leaving home. Not much help here, am I? Just know that you're not alone, there are plenty of other ex-muslims on here, a lot of whom are hiding it, I've been discussing it via PMs with some of them. If you ever fancy a chat, I'm all ears. People here think you've rejected Islam because of your parent's behaviour.... if only they knew......
load of idiots trying to convince us to follow Islam
Not wanting an arguement or anything but i have to point out you're an idiot.

How is it any different from you pursuading people to renounce thier religion and us asking op to think twice about rejecting Islam? :confused:
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