I have an extremely strict muslim family - but I don't believe in Islam. Watch

saab_101
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#61
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#61
(Original post by tenzen)
I think you shouldn't loose faith in islam because of your parents.. You should speak to your parents and let them know how you feel.. You can quote evidence from quran stating that its completely halal if not encouraged to socialize and give yourself happiness in islamically permissible ways which obviously exclude any sorts of intoxication, but that's fair enough..
You should try having a heart to heart conversation with ur parents and put across to them your feelings.. praying would help too.. I hope things get better..
Once you finish uni and start earning, you will be responsible for them and things would be much better.. it's just temporary because you're financially and morally their responsibility so they are being extra possessive about you which is unfortunately causing you distress..
Please try and understand that in all likelihood they would react violently. i'm going to stop repeating myself about these points now. I'm not just lashing out emotionally here - i'm taking control of my life, i've made my choices, and not hastily.
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DomDyke
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#62
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okay lol, sorry. and 'whatsinausername' can't call you an idiot, as he/she doesn't know you as a person.

it's just what i'm trying to highlight, is the fact that Saab knows for sure that he doesnt blieve in the Islamic faith, yet you and other are trying to push him to reconsider that.

and as a gay person myself, it frustrates me because of the fact that i know of many gay people who have been told that they should re-consider about whether they're straight or not, when they clearly know they're gay.

it's kind of soul-crushing because it's like saab has to live up to his family's standards in order to be accepted
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afridi10
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#63
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Islam is not the problem. You just need a better understanding your parents should consult with you on everything and let you decide. It seems to be that your parents seem to be enforcing rules rather than letting you choose and explaing benefits and helping you understand the religion.
You should talk to your parents or get someone to talk to them. Don't lose faith because of a bad experience.
Think of Islam as a car it is geared to guide you smoothly through life but you control in which direction you take religion. So for example you could have a very bad ride in a mercedees because the driver is bad that doesn't mean it isn't a good car and you should not get it. Same with Islam learn to properly implement it, your parents might not be getting the message through correctly like a driver who hadsnt learnt to drive properly. So all I'm saying us give it some deep thought.
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DomDyke
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by the way im not saying saab is gay, haha.

i'm just saying how this situation is similar to experiences of my own
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saab_101
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#65
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#65
(Original post by xxAFFxx)
Can i ask do you think that if your parents werent so suffocating and really strict would you see Islam differently?
I don't, but that way i wouldn't have been able to make an informed decision, may never have come across things in islam i disagree with etc. There's no point in saying what could have been i guess.

Anyway, talking on here has really helped me put things into perspective, and i was able to show a friend the thread, easier than saying it directly for me, and she's been amazing about it, so thank you guys.
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mathsrule
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#66
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#66
i am glad that you've mentioned that the problem here is not your faith because whether you are agnostic or atheist no one deserves to be treated like you are now. As for your mum i suspect she might be scared of your father too. i divorced my husband because he was controlling too. that is why i can have such a relationship with my children. It took me eight years of marriage to be able to stand my ground and he got so fed up with me that he divorced me. He thought i would go back crawling to him but instead i had counselling and enpowered myself . That's is why i can understand where you are coming from because i have been on both side of the spectrum. Try to speak to your mum and see how it goes. she might understand because like you said she gets beaten too.

Anyway i wish you the very best of luck in your studies and take good care of yourself.
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DomDyke
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#67
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...and continuing on... afridi's commenting could also mean to say that 'because i had a bad experience with a guy, i might consider myself as gay'

but none-the-less i know what my sexuality of, and i wouldnt want people trying to 'convert' me back to what they consider as the 'norm'

just like in saab's case, he's not questioning about the fact whether he should try and re-convert back to Islam, he's questioning about whether he should tell his parents or not
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Darkened Angel
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#68
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(Original post by xxAFFxx)
However i was merely questioning why 'whatsinausername' said this
. why did he think it was ok for him to preach not to follow islam and not for Muslims to pursuade others the think about thier decisions?

Obv he was being very self-rightous and didnt realise what he was saying lol
Maybe if you read his posts you would realise that those people who left Islam asked him about his viewpoints, he didn't constantly push his views on them when they didn't want to know.

The OP on the other hand has already mentioned several times that he doesn't want to discuss religion. He just wants advice. This is hardly very difficult to comprehend and yet there are still plenty of muslims on here trying to tell him to reconsider or generalising why he left Islam. Hardly very helpful and also off-topic.
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xxAFFxx
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#69
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(Original post by saab_101)
I don't, but that way i wouldn't have been able to make an informed decision, may never have come across things in islam i disagree with etc. There's no point in saying what could have been i guess.

Anyway, talking on here has really helped me put things into perspective, and i was able to show a friend the thread, easier than saying it directly for me, and she's been amazing about it, so thank you guys.
Best of luck Saab hope all goes well with you.

Look me up when you become a hotshot doctor lol.
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Cities
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#70
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Are people honestly trying to ask this guy why he doesn't agree with Islam on this thread? Really?

In any case, I think the most effective thing you can do is show that Muslim parents don't necessarily have to be that strict. As so many people have said, there are Muslim parents who allow their children to have a relatively high degree of freedom, so try and show that their strictness is undue. If they bring religion into it, well, try and get someone who your parents will listen to (e.g. an Imam who agrees with you / relatives who agree with you)
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xxAFFxx
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#71
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(Original post by Darkened Angel)
Maybe if you read his posts you would realise that those people who left Islam asked him about his viewpoints, he didn't constantly push his views on them when they didn't want to know.

The OP on the other hand has already mentioned several times that he doesn't want to discuss religion. He just wants advice. This is hardly very difficult to comprehend and yet there are still plenty of muslims on here trying to tell him to reconsider or generalising why he left Islam. Hardly very helpful and also off-topic.
Yes i know that he wasnt preaching on this thread but nonetheless he did let slip that
(Original post by Whatsinaname)
a few I've convinced to denounce Islam too
I just found it really annoying that he can say
load of idiots trying to convince us to follow Islam
when hes doing the same lol
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Darkened Angel
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(Original post by saab_101)
I don't, but that way i wouldn't have been able to make an informed decision, may never have come across things in islam i disagree with etc. There's no point in saying what could have been i guess.

Anyway, talking on here has really helped me put things into perspective, and i was able to show a friend the thread, easier than saying it directly for me, and she's been amazing about it, so thank you guys.
I hope everything works out for you saab Like many others have already said, you are not alone. There are plenty of other ex-muslims who are stuck in similar positions to you, including myself.

My advice would be to get yourself financially independent and then move out. Finish uni first though and then think about it during your final year and plan it. I'm currently in my final year, I'll have to tell my parents soon and I know it's easier said then done. I've never felt so guilty but in my situation I have little choice.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck. And I hope things improve for your mum, it must be so terrible for her to put up with that crap.
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Darkened Angel
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#73
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(Original post by xxAFFxx)
Yes i know that he wasnt preaching on this thread but nonetheless he did let slip that

I just found it really annoying that he can say when hes doing the same lol
But he isn't. He isn't going out of his way to make people leave Islam after they've made it explicitly clear that they don't wanna hear it, which is unlike some of the muslims in this thread who continue the subject after the OP has clearly stated that he doesn't want to discuss it. There's a big difference there.
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Whatsinaname
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#74
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(Original post by xxAFFxx)
Yes i know that he wasnt preaching on this thread but nonetheless he did let slip that

I just found it really annoying that he can say when hes doing the same lol
I already answered your point, I quoted you too..... have a look.

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...7&postcount=66

Maybe I shouldn't have used the word 'convinced', but we can sit here and argue all night about my poor English and it won't change what happened.
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boysenberry
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#75
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I'm in pretty much the same situation as you.

I moved out for uni last year, best thing that ever happened to me. Finally freedom to do what I want, and what I think is okay. I've just accepted that I don't believe in Islam (for a number of reasons) any more, and I'm honest with people about it - except for my family. I can stand to lose anyone, but I just can't find myself risking losing them. And also not ever being completely honest with my parents is something that I find really quite crap. One consolation, however, is that my sister feels the same way about religion as me, giving me at least one person in my family I can talk to about it.

But I can really see myself continuing on this semi-secret life throughout uni, move away permanently from home, and live life the way I want it. My parents aren't that inquisitive, so it seems viable for me, even though bloody mile away from what I would like it to be.
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Anonymous #3
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#76
(Original post by saab_101)
Thanks but i've studied the religion in depth - more than most muslims have. A lot of muslims don't actually follow the religion but still claim to be muslim. I'm not going to do that, it's an insult to the religion, and whilst i don't believe in it, i respect it.
Anon fail??
Either way, just to send a little, idk, support out there. I too am a closeted ex-Muslim. I can't say my parents are even nearly as strict as yours are, alhamdulillah, lool. But they are still very very cultural and I haven't got a clue how they would respond to me telling them i simply don't believe any more. I have no particular animosity toward Islam or any religion, I really think Buddha, Jesus and even Muhammad had the best intentions, and I think even the biggest religion basher would be hard pressed to deny that in terms of social justice and even women's rights they were well ahead of their time. However I simply don't believe in Islam or any religion. And I hate that people here are telling you to go and do further research into Islam or even speak to an Imam, but i guess they do not realise the amount of heartbreak that goes into finally admitting to yourself that you are not that person you always thought you'd be, or that person so many people around you want you to be. I know I have had many a sleepless night.
All the Best
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Kara_Adams
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#77
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How exactly are your parents strict? If they allow you to move out for uni and go abroad on your gap year why wouldn't they allow you to go to the cinema or to the park? It doesn't make any sense
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Darkened Angel
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#78
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(Original post by saab_101)
Also, just to clarify, yes i'm moving out to uni, doing medicine. You'd think they'd be proud, but things have gotten distinctly worse since i got accepted.

I guess one of the main things is that i'm scared of having so many people in my life turn against me, i care so much about most of them. And how can i live off someone for 19 years and then suddenly abandon them? One of my little sisters is turning 15 soon, and i'm starting to watch her become more and more miserable as she gets left out of friendship groups and feels isolated. It's not as bad for her though, she has several close muslim friends and is happy with the religion, but i worry about her.
I understand how you feel however in uni will meet new people and make new friends. If people turn against you for being true to yourself then that's their problem. If they cant accept you as who you are then they are not worth having you as their friend. You may be surprised by the few that stay friends with you regardless

As for turning against your family, no amount of support they provide you with can justify the violence you have dealt with. It may help to look at it from an outsiders point of view. Imagine a boy who is in your position, what would you advise him to do? Would you tell him to deal with it as his parents have supported him for 19 years? I doubt it. Supporting you does not justify controlling you and violating your rights.

Your parents have an obligation to look after you as they chose to have you. You have no obligation to remain with them as you had no choice but to be raised by them. Of course you still owe them respect as they raised you but only to a certain point. Your parents are neglecting their responsibilities towards you, and for that reason you are not wrong for wanting to leave (you may still feel guilty, but you are not wrong and that is more important).
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Whatsinaname
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There are more and more ex-muslims coming out of the woodwork.... and some of them have such similar stories to mine that it feels like I'm reading an account of my life. But some still feel that they need to post anonymously. I repeat that I think it'd be a good idea to have an ex-muslim society where people can speak freely and share their problems.
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User414413
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#80
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(Original post by Whatsinaname)
There are more and more ex-muslims coming out of the woodwork.... and some of them have such similar stories to mine that it feels like I'm reading an account of my life. But some still feel that they need to post anonymously. I repeat that I think it'd be a good idea to have an ex-muslim society where people can speak freely and share their problems.
Well, who is stopping you from making one?
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