To those already at Oxford

I know this isn't really the place to post it but people here are much nicer than on oxgoss.

I've just finished my first year at Oxford, after working really hard for it, and wanting it since the age of about 16. But it really wasn't what I expected it to be and was quite disappointed - even considering deffering. Im now really apprehensive about going back - has anyone had a similar experience

Reply 1

saintjude

I think maybe people think it will be amazing - best years of your life etc. - and it's not really. Not to say I don't like it, but I think people oversell it to themselves.
Having said that, do you think you'd be happier elsewhere? Or would you have similar expectations of/disappointment with any uni?

Reply 2

Narcissus

How was the actuality different to the expectation, may I ask? Do you refer to your subject, the Oxford Experience or both?

Reply 3

Johnny 5

12

If the people at Oxford are anything like the people on OxGoss, I'm not surprised.

Unpossible

Reply 4

H&E

3

ProzacNation

I know this isn't really the place to post it but people here are much nicer than on oxgoss.

I've just finished my first year at Oxford, after working really hard for it, and wanting it since the age of about 16. But it really wasn't what I expected it to be and was quite disappointed - even considering deffering. Im now really apprehensive about going back - has anyone had a similar experience

I can definitely assure you I know at least two people who've had a similar reaction to yours. One of them did differ, but the other made some big changes to her life at Oxford and now is really happy :smile:

Have you though about speaking to any welfare people? I think OUSU have welfare staff through the summer, if you rang them (on 01865 270777) they may well have someone trained to help with your situation.

Reply 5

ProzacNation

OP

Thanks, I may well ring the welfare people.

Basically, as someone else stated, I oversold it to myself. I'd been building upto it for so long and I thought it would be everything I ever wanted, full of people similar to me, who would want to stay up all night drinking coffee and talking philosophy. My second choice was Leeds which I really liked but knew that the whole drinking culture wasn't for me - I partied when I was younger but now am usually too tired to go out, and don't like the feeling of being drunk. I thought there would be less of that at Oxford and was so so wrong - people just get drunk every night and my reluctance to do that meant that while half my year went out clubbing every night, I didn't and lost the opportunity to meet more people (not that they seemed the kind of people I could engage with anyway).

I threw myself into clubs and societies and while I found people I liked there they were all so intensively into their club/society I couldn't really hang out with them in a social context (unless, again, it involved lots of alcohol).

I love my course, and I love the extra-curricular side, I guess I'm just having trouble with the people, who aren't what I expected, particularly when there is so much pressure on this to be 'the best time of your life' and meet your 'friends for life' there.

Sorry for the rant, and thanks for the responses so far :smile:

Reply 6

ProzacNation

OP

H&E

I can definitely assure you I know at least two people who've had a similar reaction to yours. One of them did differ, but the other made some big changes to her life at Oxford and now is really happy :smile:

If you dont mind me asking - what kind of changes did she make? (Im thinking I could take some advice) or was it just a change of course?

Reply 7

Willa

11

ProzacNation

Thanks, I may well ring the welfare people.

Basically, as someone else stated, I oversold it to myself. I'd been building upto it for so long and I thought it would be everything I ever wanted, full of people similar to me, who would want to stay up all night drinking coffee and talking philosophy. My second choice was Leeds which I really liked but knew that the whole drinking culture wasn't for me - I partied when I was younger but now am usually too tired to go out, and don't like the feeling of being drunk. I thought there would be less of that at Oxford and was so so wrong - people just get drunk every night and my reluctance to do that meant that while half my year went out clubbing every night, I didn't and lost the opportunity to meet more people (not that they seemed the kind of people I could engage with anyway).

I threw myself into clubs and societies and while I found people I liked there they were all so intensively into their club/society I couldn't really hang out with them in a social context (unless, again, it involved lots of alcohol).

I love my course, and I love the extra-curricular side, I guess I'm just having trouble with the people, who aren't what I expected, particularly when there is so much pressure on this to be 'the best time of your life' and meet your 'friends for life' there.

Sorry for the rant, and thanks for the responses so far :smile:

don't beat yourself up. Unfortunately there are probably quite a few people who want to do exactly the same thing as you, but due to peer pressure they get sucked in to the whole student culture and all the drunken behaviour that is associated with it! There have been plenty of occasions when I myself would have preferred to talk about something intellectual rather than get drunk. You really just need to start looking in the right place. Your existing network of friends is a start, I would be suprised if none of the people you know wouldn't mind the occasional high-brow discussion, you just have to pick your moments. Most of the discussions I have had happen either in the JCR while watching TV, or over dinner (but they are short lived)...or you get whispering to someone in the library cos they're the only one still there at 3am trying to do some work they really dont want to do! The similarities between these situations is that they are places where people really don't want to get drunk...in fact they dont mind being a bit intellectual. If you're in the library, of course you're being intellectual etc etc.

Reply 8

Catt

I know exactly what you are going through!

I went for an interview at UCL in order to move into the second year there, but in the end decided to stick it out for various reasons.

Its quite late now (half past midnight) and I've got work tomorrow so I won't go into it here but if you want to talk about it feel free to PM me.

Reply 9

magicalsausage

10

Hi - I'm about to go in to school to get my a level results. I need an A in Music to meet my offer for Music at St Catz. I have similarly been building up Oxford in my mind for years and years but when I got an offer it seemed like a big anti-climax! I was really hoping for the kind of Oxford experience you described but I'm not too optimistic about finding it (I think we're probably a century too late) - or at least not without the expense of becoming some social recluse...All I can say is that I have had a fantastic year studying in a complete dump and that I really believe its up to you what you make of things rather that where you study. Anyway I'm not sure what I'm on about but I know that there must be people feeling the same way about things as you but perhaps they are just doing the whole getting pissed thing to try and fit in (I know I always do) and perhaps you should give them a chance!

Reply 10

poulanck

OOps that was me not magicalsausage(my brother)

Reply 11

H&E

3

ProzacNation

If you dont mind me asking - what kind of changes did she make? (Im thinking I could take some advice) or was it just a change of course?

She did change course, but she also got involved in extra-curriculars (which she hadn't really done before), as a result of which she started seeing a lot of new people (from different colleges). Without going into too much detail about why, I think expanding her social scene was more important to her than changing course, though obviously that also helped.

You seem to have already done that, so it won't be much use to you!

Sorry...

Reply 12

SpyMaster

ProzacNation

I know this isn't really the place to post it but people here are much nicer than on oxgoss.

I've just finished my first year at Oxford, after working really hard for it, and wanting it since the age of about 16. But it really wasn't what I expected it to be and was quite disappointed - even considering deferring. Im now really apprehensive about going back - has anyone had a similar experience ?

I hope this doesn't sound patronising - it isn't meant to - but here are some thoughts:

1. Have you tried going for long walks (and I mean long) up the Cherwell, round the parks, up and down the Thames, up to Headington and back or whatever ? It calmed me down, and I think that I did more valuable work that way (in the sense of thinking, and getting my thoughts sorted out) than sitting in the library. English is a very personal subject, I think, and discussing it regularly - i.e. not just casually - doesn't really help much. I found very early in the morning the best time. Take a book if you feel like it, but if not don't.

2. Have you tried talking to your tutor (any tutor - whichever one you get on best with) ? They have to live with something very like your problem all the time, and they'll sympathise.

3. Just FORGET any idea of going to another university. You'll end up with just exactly the same trouble (multiplied nfold), and you won't end up - as you will at Oxford - intoxicated with English poetry for the rest of your life.

Here’s what Oxford used to be like, before pressure started to ruin it for far too many students:

http://www.worldwideschool.org/library/books/lit/historical/Oxford/toc.html

SM (D Phil - deferred success)

Reply 13

Reynard

Prozac if you like your course that is great. Really great. Not having enough friends is common in Oxford/everywhere. But a good friend can turn up at any point. Stay on the course, once in a while stroll off to a cafe or pub. Maybe go to the college bar. I'm sure you will find people you like.
If you want quiet sensitive intelligent people. Well, they are rare on the ground. But there are a lot more of them in Oxford than, say, Swindon!
I think Oxford is an O.K. town. All things considered. It is certainly, in parts, quite beautiful.

ProzacNation

Thanks, I may well ring the welfare people.

Basically, as someone else stated, I oversold it to myself. I'd been building upto it for so long and I thought it would be everything I ever wanted, full of people similar to me, who would want to stay up all night drinking coffee and talking philosophy. My second choice was Leeds which I really liked but knew that the whole drinking culture wasn't for me - I partied when I was younger but now am usually too tired to go out, and don't like the feeling of being drunk. I thought there would be less of that at Oxford and was so so wrong - people just get drunk every night and my reluctance to do that meant that while half my year went out clubbing every night, I didn't and lost the opportunity to meet more people (not that they seemed the kind of people I could engage with anyway).

I threw myself into clubs and societies and while I found people I liked there they were all so intensively into their club/society I couldn't really hang out with them in a social context (unless, again, it involved lots of alcohol).

I love my course, and I love the extra-curricular side, I guess I'm just having trouble with the people, who aren't what I expected, particularly when there is so much pressure on this to be 'the best time of your life' and meet your 'friends for life' there.

Sorry for the rant, and thanks for the responses so far :smile:

Reply 14

fleur-de-lis

1

2 5 +

If the people at Oxford are anything like the people on OxGoss, I'm not surprised.

Unpossible

Totally unrelated:
one of my posts in OxGoss got this neg rep: 'You stink of TSR'.
Having no idea then about what TSR was, I googled it and came up with funny acronyms. :p:

Reply 15

homoterror

SpyMaster

http://www.worldwideschool.org/library/books/lit/historical/Oxford/toc.html

SM (D Phil - deferred success)

Could you possibly explain what he means here?

"An exhaustive knowledge of Verdant Green, and a hasty view of the Fitzwilliam Museum and "the backs of the Colleges" (which are to Cambridge what the Docks are to Liverpool), do not afford sufficient materials for an accurate sketch of Oxford."

Reply 16

SpyMaster

Yes. He's explaining why novels about Oxford are often unreliable as a guide to life there. Sometimes the author hasn't even been near the place. The sentence just before that runs:

They [the novels] are either drawn by an aspirant who is his own hero, and who idealises himself and his friends, or they are designed by ladies who have read Verdant Green, and who, at some period, have paid a flying visit to Cambridge.

Verdant Green is presumably a book. Incidentally, do you happen to know where Grope Lane (in Chapter II) is ?

Reply 17

oriel historian

2

Prozac, I have to admit to finding the first year a little odd. Oriel certainly isn't the natural college for me and I've come up against a few tutors who I would really rather see hanging from Carfax tower than teaching. I will echo what SpyMaster said - long walks or bike rides are great, I remember one day when I felt particularly bad cycling down to Didcot, the route through Abingdon is beautiful it goes right along the river. Certainly takes your mind off things.

I've met a couple of people in lectures over the year - yes the same few people who turn up to history lectures all the time!!!! - and you hear the odd anecdote about life anywhere from BNC to St Hughes.

As for talking to people, I've lost count of the number of 3 or 4 hour MSN conversations I've had in the middle of the night, often about this very worry. Finding yourself a niche is one way of settling down, your friends are certainly the way to do it, took me until Trinity this year to find the right people though I'd known them by proxy for ages. Once you find that niche problems tend to die away, course worries might be one thing but moving into the upper years will give you increasing freedom of choice and scope so the limitations of Prelims won't be so apparent.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry, there are things out there but if you spend most of your time worrying about them then nothing will happen.

Reply 18

ProzacNation

OP

oriel historian

Prozac, I have to admit to finding the first year a little odd. Oriel certainly isn't the natural college for me and I've come up against a few tutors who I would really rather see hanging from Carfax tower than teaching. I will echo what SpyMaster said - long walks or bike rides are great, I remember one day when I felt particularly bad cycling down to Didcot, the route through Abingdon is beautiful it goes right along the river. Certainly takes your mind off things.

I've met a couple of people in lectures over the year - yes the same few people who turn up to history lectures all the time!!!! - and you hear the odd anecdote about life anywhere from BNC to St Hughes.

As for talking to people, I've lost count of the number of 3 or 4 hour MSN conversations I've had in the middle of the night, often about this very worry. Finding yourself a niche is one way of settling down, your friends are certainly the way to do it, took me until Trinity this year to find the right people though I'd known them by proxy for ages. Once you find that niche problems tend to die away, course worries might be one thing but moving into the upper years will give you increasing freedom of choice and scope so the limitations of Prelims won't be so apparent.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry, there are things out there but if you spend most of your time worrying about them then nothing will happen.

Thanks

What year are you in?

Reply 19

ponxx

Having been in Oxford for way too long (8 years...) I still don't think I know about even half the things going on here. It's an incredibly diverse place and there is a niche for almost everyone and everything, the difficulty lies in finding it.

The start of a new year is a good time to meet people, maybe by making new friends or joining another society that is more in tune with what you're looking for. Not all societies are full of hacks who won't talk of anything other than club politics.

I've probably had the most fun in clubs/societies where I learnt to do things I had never done before university, rather than in debating/political type societies. I think this is because while people had a common interest, they were more diverse in their opinions and backgrounds. If you meet people over an activitiy, you might find yourself chatting to them about philosophy in the middle of the night a few weeks later...

So personally, I'd recommend taking up a sport or activity that you haven't tried before (scuba diving? ballroom dancing? gliding? photography? ...) or continuing with another hobby you did in the past (sports? music? drama? arts? ...). Anyway, the start of the year is the best time, as there are so many people trying new things, just do something you enjoy, and chances are you'll meet more people you like along the way without even trying...

To those already at Oxford

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