Care for a joke? Watch

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Brutus
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#1
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#1
She walked into an antique shop and asked "what's new"?.


Why could'nt she manage to make the ice-cubes
She could'nt find the recipe.
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theaman
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#2
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#2
I went to the doctors with sausages around my mouth, potatoes around my ears and vegatables up my nose.

I said, "Doctor, whats wrong with me?"

He said, "You're not eating properly."
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Scubar
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#3
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#3
ba dum tsh
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bigdavevw
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#4
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#4
(Original post by theaman)
I went to the doctors with sausages around my mouth, potatoes around my ears and vegatables up my nose.

I said, "Doctor, whats wrong with me?"

He said, "You're not eating properly."

i went to the doctors with 3 joints in my mouth, hash pipes behind my ears and mushies up my nose.

i said whats wrong with me?

he said " feck off ya clart"

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Barny
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#5
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#5
Good to see you've both got your coats..
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DeLboY
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#6
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#6
A man walks into a pub, and notices Vincent Van Gogh is standing at the bar.
"Do you want a pint, Vince?" he asks.
"No, thanks," replies the artist. "I've got one 'ere."
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theaman
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Scubar)
ba dum tsh
Two drums and a symbal fell of a cliff......
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LPK
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#8
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#8
A woman goes into the doctors and says:

"Doctor, my husband has dandruff, what can he do?"

The doctor replies:

"Have you tried giving him Head and Shoulders?"

The woman replies:

"How do you give shoulders?"
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xxSpicyChickenxx
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#9
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#9
when does M jackson know its bed time?



when the big hand touches the little hand.




*is dissipointed* what a crap joke
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SilverWings
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#10
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#10
(Original post by DeLboY)
A man walks into a pub, and notices Vincent Van Gogh is standing at the bar.
"Do you want a pint, Vince?" he asks.
"No, thanks," replies the artist. "I've got one 'ere."
I laughed!
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SilverWings
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#11
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#11
(Original post by xxhayleyxx)
when does M jackson know its bed time?

when the big hand touches the little hand.

*is dissipointed* what a crap joke


That's ruuuuuude!!
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xxSpicyChickenxx
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#12
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#12
!!!!!!!!!!!! *in shock*


OMG! i think your right.......
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toiletwall
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#13
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#13
2 blondes walked into a building
You would have thought one of them would see it

A man walked into a bar.
Ouch.

(btw i'm blonde)
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toiletwall
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#14
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#14
ooh got ultamite blonde joke:

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive
blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand pounds on a single roll of
the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely
nude. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES!YES!
I WON,I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes
and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked,
"What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were
watching."

MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb,
But all men are men.
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mez
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#15
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#15
sorry its a copy and paste job, but i love this joke.............
Spoiler:
Show

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Okay says the lawyer, your turn.
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworker, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.
The blonde says, "Thank you", and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
And you thought blondes were dumb.


spoiler is there cus its long.....
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SketchyCanvas~
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#16
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#16
(Original post by megz90)
sorry its a copy and paste job, but i love this joke.............
Spoiler:
Show

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Okay says the lawyer, your turn.
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworker, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.
The blonde says, "Thank you", and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
And you thought blondes were dumb.


spoiler is there cus its long.....
:toofunny:
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heminder
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#17
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#17
i don't have any jokes up my sleeve, so here's a pic to say goodnight...
(for those of you off to bed)
http://www.czukay.de/gallery/webgrab...s/webcam12.jpg
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hypomania
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#18
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#18
why did spongebob hold patrick's hand?


Because things were STARting to get FISHy


:tomato: aaaah *runs away*
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theaman
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#19
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#19
(Original post by imasillynarb)
Good to see you've both got your coats..
You invented Tippex?


Correct me if I'm wrong.
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mez
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#20
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#20
To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof of his apartment building in order to get a little color for himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get sunburned on his "tool of trade."
Being very determined the young man decided not to miss his date because it was with a hot blonde. So, he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze, feeling this should resolve his painful situation.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up. After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused, went to the kitchen, and poured a tall, cold glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to find him with his nob immersed in a glass of milk.
Baffled, the blonde exclaimed, "So, THAT'S how you load those things!"
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