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religion + relationships watch

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    im jewish. A girl i like is a devout christian, she recently said she would only go out only with another devout christian- she doesnt yet know i like her.

    Do you think i have any chance with her- shes really really nice and i would really like to take her out with me.
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    your chances look slim. if those are her views you should respect them (even if you can't understand/ empathise with them). i know it sounds cliched but try being her friend. or consider if you'd really want a relationship with someone like that. my friend had a similar experience - she liked a muslim guy and he would only consider dating another muslim, and she's an atheist. so clearly it didn't happen.
    good luck
    phoebe
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    difficult question!
    I think the best way to find out is to try and get her involved in a discussion about the various religions. Like what does she think of other monotheistic religions, that believe in the same God, but differ in some point or other.
    I have to admitt that personally I'm not sure I would go out with someone who didn't share my basic worldview - however I would have thought that Jewish and Christian worldviews are quite similar. I mean... you both believe in one God, the same one, and as far as I know the basic moral guidelines of these two religions are the same too...
    The question is how religious she is. Like does this Chrisitan have to be someone of the same Chrisitan denomination as herself, or would she be happy with someone form a different church? If so, then I think you certainly have a chance. Chrisitans seem to consider Jews not that far removed from there own religion I think.
    Her religion is obviously really important to her, so just try and find out a bit more about what she thinks of your religion - then you'll probably have your answer. If she starts ranting on about how the Jews killed Jesus or something like that :laugh: ... you'd better forget her.
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    She is pretty religious ( or just simply pretty!)
    LOL she doesnt rant about judaism at all- in fact, she knows a lot about it. We talk about religious stuff quite a lot, shes a real expert about it, im just gobsmacked when she talks about it because shes only 16 yet she speaks like someone with knowledge way beyond her years.
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    I had similar problems when I dated a Muslim guy, as well as issues with his family etc...
    but I think you'll find that if she is genuinely "nice" as you say, and assuming she returns your feelings, it is possible to transcend the barriers of religion in a relationship
    ....tell her how you feel, whilst also mentioning your respect for her religion
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    It depends whether she would only be interested in relationships for the long term I would think. If she doesnt want to bother with anything that may not have a chance to end in marriage etc.. she may not want to go into a relationship as theres pretty much inevitable hurt at the end of it.
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    (Original post by mangomaz)
    It depends whether she would only be interested in relationships for the long term I would think. If she doesnt want to bother with anything that may not have a chance to end in marriage etc.. she may not want to go into a relationship as theres pretty much inevitable hurt at the end of it.

    agreed. Short term, i don't think it would matter too much, but if you think about it in the long-term, there are inevitable problems that you'll come across and you have to realize those are things you'll have to deal with.

    I've dated several jewish (conservative ashkenazi) guys. Some I've had religious problems with (i.e., their mothers) but on the whole, it's been kosher.

    -i'm catholic by birth, btw.
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    (Original post by sl123451)
    im jewish. A girl i like is a devout christian, she recently said she would only go out only with another devout christian- she doesnt yet know i like her.

    Do you think i have any chance with her- shes really really nice and i would really like to take her out with me.
    No, don't. Please with all my heart I'm telling you - leave her alone. Don't do this to her. Thing is, if you manage to make her go out with you, she'll feel like she's betrayed God - and while you probably won't intentionally harm her faith - trust me on this one, it most certainly will. Take it from someone who's been through it. In the end you'll end up hurting both you and herself. Just don't do this to her. Respect her decision and her faith - if she means that much to you, then you'll show her respect, and by respecting her, you will remain just friends with her.

    I got into a relationship with an atheist just last year and I'm a Christian and partly he persuaded me and partly I wanted it - I ended up breaking up with him after a month cus I couldn't live with it - I didn't feel right. It had hurt him and it'd hurt me and til now I'm still repairing my faith and relationship with God - and all this happened back last November. Don't put yourself through the hurt and don't put her through it. I'm not saying any of the hurt inflicted would be intentional - but just don't go down there. With all my heart I say - don't.

    Also there's nothing at the end of your relationship - I'm talking long term. There's nothing at the end unless she betrays her faith. In the Bible it clearly says Christian and non-Christian should not marry. So basically - in the end, there's nothing but break up in your relationship, or else harm to her faith and that would hurt her. So just don't do it.
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    I would say it would probably be a problem. I started going out with a christian girl a couple of years ago. then i realised how into it she was and that i couldnt be with her as i didnt respect her views, it made me feel a bit sick to be honest.
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    But the thing is i DO respect her views and we talk about GOD and the bible all the time.

    I know we would never exactly get married, so there isnt going to be the typical jewish mother "oy vey...you should date a nice jewish girl" thing.

    When/If i tell her i like her, and if she feels the same-ish, then we will talk about it. At the moment its only a problem for me, which is why i want to tell her so that we can talk about it, even if we dont end up going out, i will feel a lot better about it if i know weve both sorted it out.
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    fair enough, i mean i've known devout christians who specify a preference for other like minded guys, but its not been the be all and end all for them, and it may not feel like a betrayal to God to her, it depends on the person. as long as you respect her wishes and with my friends - the sex thing was what made them want a christian bf- as long as the guy didn't expect sex before marriage there wasn't a problem.
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    (Original post by Lirael Abhorsen)
    fair enough, i mean i've known devout christians who specify a preference for other like minded guys, but its not been the be all and end all for them, and it may not feel like a betrayal to God to her, it depends on the person. as long as you respect her wishes and with my friends - the sex thing was what made them want a christian bf- as long as the guy didn't expect sex before marriage there wasn't a problem.

    Yeah but its not like we would get married or anything....we are both at least like 10-15 years or so off of the sort of settling down age!!!
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    (Original post by sl123451)
    But the thing is i DO respect her views and we talk about GOD and the bible all the time.

    I know we would never exactly get married, so there isnt going to be the typical jewish mother "oy vey...you should date a nice jewish girl" thing.

    When/If i tell her i like her, and if she feels the same-ish, then we will talk about it. At the moment its only a problem for me, which is why i want to tell her so that we can talk about it, even if we dont end up going out, i will feel a lot better about it if i know weve both sorted it out.
    I really think it would be ok, especially since you've already talked such issues out already. Most couples steer clear of the politics/religion arena, but you guys have already taken care of that. I mean, as long as you both respect each other's religions (not necessarily adopting them!) you should have a pretty strong relationship right there. Being able to talk about such issues brings things out in the open, rather than ignoring it. Ignoring that there is such a problem, or even avoiding it at all costs, remaining ignorant to protect yourself from emotional loss will only work to hurt you in the end.

    at the very least, discuss how you both feel and see where it goes from there, but i wouldn't put an ultimatum on this issue, like, different religions should not date, esp. christian and jewish!

    all luck to ya!
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    (Original post by sl123451)
    Yeah but its not like we would get married or anything....we are both at least like 10-15 years or so off of the sort of settling down age!!!
    she may still not want to go into a relationship knowing it won't end with marriage though... like if she goes out with a Christian she can dream about one day marrying him, believe that their love is forever and so on. That's what we all want to dream about in a long term relationship. Well, me at least... I wouldn't want to go into a long term relationship knowing from the beginning it would end one day (as she would have to end it to go off and marry a Christian as stupid as it sounds, or she would have to brake with her religion as Irisng put it - I never thought about that, as I didn't know Christians weren't to marry non-Christians - although it makes perfect sense for a religion to dictate that now that I think about it :rolleyes: ).
    As an atheist myself I can only try to put myself in her position, I don't actually know what's going on in her mind of course. Irisng sounds like she could give better advice... and maybe her advice was better.
    If you tell her that you are in love with her or something like that and you don't end up going out... don't you think that might strain your relationship? If you are already really good friends - well, it really depends on your situation. I don't know either of you, so I can't really say. But often it can hurt a friendship. The girl would far rather not have known that her friend has such feeling for her.
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    (Original post by sl123451)
    Yeah but its not like we would get married or anything....we are both at least like 10-15 years or so off of the sort of settling down age!!!
    When you start dating a person of another religion, not intending to get married like you're saying, you eventually date more people of another religion until you get older and older, and find someone you love and then it will result in marriage.

    Many people that don't want to marry someone of another religion say "oh i'm not getting married yet so there's no harm." but that's where they're wrong. If they date someone, not intending to marry, they could eventually feel strong for this person. You can't control your feelings which is why it is best not to get into that situation, i.e. by dating a person of another religion, (of course that's if one wanted to marry someone of their own religion.) That's why intermarriage is high nowadays.

    I don't think it would be good for her if she wants a devout Christian, and it wouldn't be good for you either . There's plenty of nice Jewish girls out there too.
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    I could never go out with a religious person. In fact, I couldn't go out with anyone who had a conflicting world view to mine. I guess the question is whether you wantto have an intellectual relationship with the person or whether you just want a sexual one.

    MB
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    (Original post by sl123451)
    im jewish. A girl i like is a devout christian, she recently said she would only go out only with another devout christian- she doesnt yet know i like her.

    Do you think i have any chance with her- shes really really nice and i would really like to take her out with me.
    If I were you, that'd totally put me off her anyway...

    How religious is she exactly?
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    Maybe you should just ask her and see what she says rather than guessing yourself, the worst that can happen is that she can say no. Incidentally I have never found religion a problem when dating, but this may be because although i classify myself as Jewish my family is non-religious so don't really care who i go out with. I think within relationships if you agree that there are some areas which you'll have to just 'agreee to disagree' type thing then its fine, the physical side of the relationship would probably cause the most problems tho.
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    (Original post by musicbloke)
    I could never go out with a religious person. In fact, I couldn't go out with anyone who had a conflicting world view to mine. I guess the question is whether you wantto have an intellectual relationship with the person or whether you just want a sexual one.

    MB
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    I think it could work out for you both as long as you respect each others views and beliefs. If she is a devout christian though she might not want a relationship that is not going to be serious and perhaps end in marriage. If you really care about her you should talk to her about it and it could work.

    I am in a mixed religion relationship with a muslim and we get on fine because we both respect each other for example I only eat Halal foods, even though i do not necessarily want to convert to his faith I respect his beliefs and he does mine. His family do not dissapprove as far as I know and neither do mine.
 
 
 
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