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Am i in the wrong here?

18

Hi everyone,

Basically i've just come out of hospital, i had a nasty kidney infection that was resistant to anti-biotics so i've been in and out of hospital for the last 12 days. My "friends" go to a pub every sunday that is on the same road as the hospital. My boyfriends phoned them and asked if they would pop in and see me. At first they said they couldn't, they wouldn't have enough time even though they finished work at 6:45 and visiting hours didn't finish until 8:30. Then one of them said "i suppose we can spare five mins for her". These are people that i have known since i was 12 years old. They were going to be on the same road and couldn't get there any earlier to see me because one of them "really wanted cheese on toast". This isn't the first thing they have done but it was the last straw. My boyfriend says i am overreacting and i need to put it in perspective but i'm very angry, hurt and upset. They are going to this pub again and i am planning to tell them how i feel.

Am i right to be fuming?

Reply 1

finnstar

13

well.. it must b really pissing off to have people youve knows since childhood to put a pub ahead of you.. you should tell them off, but dont over react.. dont yell at them or nething.. just tell them youre sad n hurt about wht they did.. if they still act like jerks.. then distance yourselves from them..

they may not be true friends.. and it can be veyr painful to admit it sometimes..

Reply 2

jameso88

1

some people don't like hospitals, i know i hate going to hospitals, so they may just want to avoid seeing someone they love in hospitals

Reply 3

Sophdoph

1

Sarky

Hi everyone,

Basically i've just come out of hospital, i had a nasty kidney infection that was resistant to anti-biotics so i've been in and out of hospital for the last 12 days. My "friends" go to a pub every sunday that is on the same road as the hospital. My boyfriends phoned them and asked if they would pop in and see me. At first they said they couldn't, they wouldn't have enough time even though they finished work at 6:45 and visiting hours didn't finish until 8:30. Then one of them said "i suppose we can spare five mins for her". These are people that i have known since i was 12 years old. They were going to be on the same road and couldn't get there any earlier to see me because one of them "really wanted cheese on toast". This isn't the first thing they have done but it was the last straw. My boyfriend says i am overreacting and i need to put it in perspective but i'm very angry, hurt and upset. They are going to this pub again and i am planning to tell them how i feel.

Am i right to be fuming?

Sarky you have every right to be annoyed..they have been very selfish not coming to visit you when all they needed to do was spare 15mins of their time. The pub isn't more important than going to see a friend who is ill.

I have been in a similar situation. A very good friend has been rude and horrid to be, making sarcastic comments and calling me a "loser" (as i'd rather see my boyfriend than go to clubs and try and pull) since about 1/2 way through 6th form. My dad died a few months ago and for the week after she didn't call me, or text or email, let alone come visit me when lots of my friends had done so. She then didn't come to my dads funeral as she was staying over at a guys house (also a friend of mine) and she'd lied to me and said she was at university. What a charmer.

It was the final straw for me and although still in touch with her I'm not making an effort because I think you get to a point when someone has treated you so badly that you can't bear to associate with them anymore.

It's difficult when you have known people so long but at the end of the day when you are in a tough situation you find out who your real friends are. Big hugs honey xxx

Reply 4

r_raghav11

1

if i were u ..all hell wud have broken loose by now!

Reply 5

Ellie4

2

Aww, I'd have come and seen you if I was on the same road :frown:

Reply 6

Lush Law

15

Urgh. Give the bastards a good dressing down. Friends are sometimes much more trouble than they're worth.

Reply 7

Kura1984

2

Yes. I agree with all the replies but, in particular, I agree with the last one. Perhaps just becoming an aquaintance is cold but polite enough a message for these p***ks... I'm quite sure they don't ALL have a fear of hospitals! And, as I'm sure the next social outing they invite you to is the pub, you'll have to say no because your kidneys just can't take it.
If these guys really are that selfish, I'd suggest getting out before it turns really sour.... speaking from years of experience. Although, if you can talk it out with them, that's always a first option.

Reply 8

El Stevo

11

Sarky

Am i right to be fuming?

yes. if i was you i'd give them a few pieces of my mind, and see if they could explain theirselves. and then see what happens.

Reply 9

mathsdave

Some friends you have... This is what you should do to them one by one in the pub when you next see them :boxing:

Reply 10

_poptart_

2

Are these people your cloest group of friends? if so im shocked they couldnt be arsed to visit u!
I guess some people r quite selfish and put having a drink before a friend in hospital?!
Maybe you should find some new friends, or at least ignore these people until they apologise to you.

Reply 11

Butterfly

1

You are totally right to be fuming. I really feel for you in this scenario. I've found a lot of people, even those you have known for years, are kinda fairweather friends who are okay for a laugh, but aren't there for you when you really need them and essentially just care about themselves. It's so common these days...

Reply 12

Little Girl Red

1

you are completely in the right to be fuming. i have sort of the same situation as you - my "best friend" of 12 years (yep, twelve) has for some reason in the last year become really mean and started spreading rumours about me behind my back and turning a lot of my friends against me. i thort she'd stopped all that but i found out just a few days ago that she's started doing it again. she is meant to be one of my closest friends and so are the group that she tells and they always believe her, not me, and i get ignored and left out in the cold. my boyfriend has consistently told me for the past two years that she's not a good friend to me and i should just leave her be, but i always try my best with her. now i have seen that i should just leave it to cool off naturally - i dont speak to her anymore and she doesnt speak to me, but there haven't been any fireworks, and thats a good thing in my book.
you definitely have a right to be annoyed.

Reply 13

Gem

14

Aww I'm sorry to hear that you've been poorly :hugs:

I hope you feel better soon. I would be annoyed too if my friends were that near and didn't come into see me :frown:

You're reaction is perfectly normal hun, and your boyfriend should understand that too. Maybe you could speak to them about it, they might not realise how important it is for you, although they should know this without having to ask. Anyway, I hope you'll get well soon :hugs:

Reply 14

Adarah

16

again... you are right to be angry with them for treating you like that. As Sophdoph said, it's in situations like that when you find out who your real friends are...

Reply 15

heminder

13

Sarky

Am i right to be fuming?

yes.

Reply 16

Sarky

OP

18

Thanks so much for the support everyone, i really needed to hear that i wasn't in the wrong here. I told them i was upset when i saw them recently but i am planning to tell them again today because they were very blase about it and it really hurt me. Yes at times like this you really do find out who your friends are. Its going to be lonely coming back in the holidays with no friends but i'd rather that than people who weren't there for me when i really needed them.

Thanks once again everyone :smile:

Reply 17

pink_lucie

14

yes!!!!!

Reply 18

makeshiftwings

1

I know EXACTLY how you feel.
A year or two ago I was in hospital with intersucception (I think that's how it's spelt) which is basically when part of my intestine went inside itself like a telescope. Every day I couldn't wait until visiting time - once when my parents and boyfriend were an hour late I collapsed into tears. None of my friends visited me either, even when I was at home only one came for a flying visit for ten minutes. It hurt a lot, and I've made better friends since, but still kept most of the old ones.
My advice to you is to tell your friends how you feel. However, you don't want to end up with no friends, so sit them down and explain exactly why you feel that way and what it was like. Hopefully, if they're real friends, they'll understand and apologise. Your boyfriend probably thinks you're overreacting because of the "You're in pain, you want me be left alone" hospital myth that one friend of mine used as an excuse.
Good luck to you both with your illness and friends. I had a bladder infection once and it was one of the most painful few weeks of my life.
Take care x x x

Reply 19

habosh

13

no hun you are not over reacting :hugs:

I feel that there are not alot of *REAL* friends out in the real world, plus everybody is putting them selves first

Am i in the wrong here?

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