Feelings Upon Rejection

Right. My thread got eaten up by the board and I really can't be bothered to type it up again so here's a much conciser version that may or may not make sense.

Me and a friend applied to Oxford, both got offers, she missed hers, I made mine. Today, she's realised that she never really wanted to go to Oxford, that its a crap course, in a horrid town, full of unsoicable twits and geeks who are never going to have any fun and her course at her secondary choice (which ironically was her insurace, not her firm) is much better and outclasses Oxford in all aspects. Now she's obviously a little bitter over it, but to spout out all of that in front of other friends really ticked me off, as I've worked hard to get in and she's just rubbished the next 3 years of my life for her own peace of mind. I didn't say anything, but to say the least I wasn't happy.

Anyone else experienced anything similar, like "I never really wanted to go there anyway, the course is much better elsewhere, it'll be boring and work, work, work!" attitude, or have you given it out and how's it made you feel :smile:

?

Edit: I'm not really having a go at her because its clear she's hurting, its just the attitude pisses me off.

Reply 1

matthew

4

Clueless?

Right. My thread got eaten up by the board and I really can't be bothered to type it up again so here's a much conciser version that may or may not make sense.

Me and a friend applied to Oxford, both got offers, she missed hers, I made mine. Today, she's realised that she never really wanted to go to Oxford, that its a crap course, in a horrid town, full of unsoicable twits and geeks who are never going to have any fun and her course at her secondary choice (which ironically was her insurace, not her firm) is much better and outclasses Oxford in all aspects. Now she's obviously a little bitter over it, but to spout out all of that in front of other friends really ticked me off, as I've worked hard to get in and she's just rubbished the next 3 years of my life for her own peace of mind. I didn't say anything, but to say the least I wasn't happy.

Anyone else experienced anything similar, like "I never really wanted to go there anyway, the course is much better elsewhere, it'll be boring and work, work, work!" attitude, or have you given it out and how's it made you feel :smile:

?

Edit: I'm not really having a go at her because its clear she's hurting, its just the attitude pisses me off.

Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about and sadly it is all too common. The fact remains that OxBridge are the best universities in the country, the limitless opportunities for advancement in every aspect of your life are far beyond any other university in the country and anyone who says otherwise is simply kidding themselves. Those of you who have the mean just read my profile in the fresher's guide. There is no way that that could have happened anywhere else.

I will give you a bit of advice I was once given in relation to a similar matter and that is this:

"Don't say anything to them, just nod and smile but think to your self 'I'm from Oxford, well done me'"

Reply 2

viviki

14

Shes just trying to make it better on herself but unfortunately its a bit crap for you. Console yourself with the thought you are going to Oxford its a great achievement and I'm sure you'll have a good time.

Reply 3

Mop

Why should you care what she thinks? You know Oxford is the 2nd best uni in the country and is the best place for you, and that shouldn't be affected by what anyone else believes.

Reply 4

matthew

4

Mop

Why should you care what she thinks? You know Oxford is the 2nd best uni in the country and is the best place for you, and that shouldn't be affected by what anyone else believes.

Not quite mastered counting at Cambridge have they? 2nd comes after 1st, which makes Cambridge second.

Reply 5

Mop

matthew

Not quite mastered counting at Cambridge have they?

You're quite correct. I missed out Hull. That would make Oxford 3rd. I apologise profusely.

Reply 6

Clueless?

OP

Thanks guys :smile:

, I know its better for her than balling her eyes out, thankfully, but I just got annoyed from having to bite my tongue and agree with her that where she's going is better. I think she made it much worse for herself by building it up so much :frown:

.

Anyone got any tips on how I can make her feel better, I've organised a little trip to her new uni (as some other friends are going there too and she hasn't been yet) but apart from that I can't think of anything :smile:

.

I hope I don't get treated like this forever though (me being rather selfish) I don't want to put up with anti-Oxbridge sentiments (not that I've met any yet :biggrin:

) for my whole uni life.

Reply 7

freddie88

5

matthew

Not quite mastered counting at Cambridge have they? 2nd comes after 1st, which makes Cambridge second.

2nd in the world, to Harvard. Oxford is 10th. Hope that helps with your counting.

To the OP - tell your friend to **** off and get a grip. Just because you succeeded and she failed does not give her a right to have a go at you.

Reply 8

Clueless?

OP

Lauren

2nd in the world, to Harvard. Oxford is 10th. Hope that helps with your counting.

To the OP - tell your friend to **** off and get a grip. Just because you succeeded and she failed does not give her a right to have a go at you.

Hee hee

, I think I'll stick to H&E's advice for now if you don't mind :wink:

. Hope not all Liverpudlians are as blunt (not in a bad way :p:

) as you though, as thats where she's headed.

And for the people going up for Cambridge Maths : 1st=Oxford,....., 93st=APU,...., ∞st=Cambridge :smile:

. That didn't work did it?

Reply 9

freddie88

5

Clueless?

Hee hee

, I think I'll stick to H&E's advice for now if you don't mind :wink:

. Hope not all Liverpudlians are as blunt (not in a bad way :p:

) as you though, as thats where she's headed.

And for the people going up for Cambridge Maths : 1st=Oxford,....., 93st=APU,...., ∞st=Cambridge :smile:

. That didn't work did it?

Ah, I'm not actually from Liverpool. I'm nice unless I get pissed off. But scousers don't take any nonsense, and that's what she's giving you. They'll hopefully fix her.

No...it didn't work... :p:

APU...pah. Reminds me of the Simpsons.

Reply 10

Drogue

19

Lauren

2nd in the world, to Harvard. Oxford is 10th. Hope that helps with your counting.
In an already rubbished table :tongue:

In one that looks at the undergrad teaching, not just the number of citations in certain journals, Oxford comes up #1 and Cambridge #2 in the UK*.

*Please note none of this actually matters, since the difference in scores each year is so sillily small as to provide no significant difference overall. Aside from the obvious reasons of personal choice, different subjects, etc.

Reply 11

matthew

4

Lauren

2nd in the world, to Harvard. Oxford is 10th. Hope that helps with your counting.

To the OP - tell your friend to **** off and get a grip. Just because you succeeded and she failed does not give her a right to have a go at you.

You can't just make stuff like that up.

Cambridge has its charms don't get me wrong and I am prepared to concede that Oxford and Cambridge are very different but equally good. You Tab's can't make such a concession because you have low self esteem.

Reply 12

freddie88

5

matthew

You can't just make stuff like that up.

Cambridge has its charms don't get me wrong and I am prepared to concede that Oxford and Cambridge are very different but equally good. You Tab's can't make such a concession because you have low self esteem.

My self esteem and ego are perfectly over-inflated, cheers.

But don't worry, at least you can count to 10 now.

Reply 13

Clueless?

OP

Lauren

Ah, I'm not actually from Liverpool. I'm nice unless I get pissed off. But scousers don't take any nonsense, and that's what she's giving you. They'll hopefully fix her.

No...it didn't work... :p:

APU...pah. Reminds me of the Simpsons.

But aren't you a scouser? Argh, I'm confused now :p:

, I don't think she needs fixing, maybe I'd feel the same way in her shoes, she's just gutted she didn't get in :smile:

.

Not because of my avatar I hope :p:

? Well, seeing as I have the intellects of Homer, it must mean I'm right and Cambridge isn't that bad compared to parts of Oxford (St Johns) I'd rather be at Cambridge than at St Johns :smile:

.

Reply 14

Clueless?

OP

Lauren

I live in Liverpool but I wasn't born here. My mood dictates whether I'm a scouser or not. Right now I'm feeling posh and southern :biggrin:

She's gutted but it gives her no right to take it out on you and try to devalue what you've achieved, and you should tell her that. Perhaps in a more sugar coated way!

Ooh, a funny Oxford student; now there's something you don't see every day :p:

Hehe

Do you get much of the too posh in Liverpool, too scummy in Cambridge thing (with your accent of course :p:

), during interviews my accent changed immeasurably.

So thats how Cambridge differs :biggrin:

, you see funny-looking students there all the time :wink:

.

Reply 15

KuinKra

1

Please remember these are the same league tables that put bath at the top of the country for maths. As Drogue said, they do it based on citations in journals and no. of papers published. If you look at undergrad teaching records, Oxford comes top.

Also, as he said, none of it matters because you can't really rate these things anyway. Oxbridge is top of the country, full stop. No further argument necessary.

Plus, you shouldn't be too hard on your friend. She's obviously bitter and slagging off Oxford to make herself feel better - she's only saying those things because she knows it's not true. Just smile, pat her on the back and feel great about yourself because you're going to Oxford, the most beautiful city in England :biggrin:

Reply 16

srmcit

5

matthew

the limitless opportunities for advancement in every aspect of your life are far beyond any other university in the country

i wouldn't say every aspect. while i agree it's exceptional, by its very nature oxbridge is for a carefully selected and immaculate few, and therefore hardly provides a real university / life experience. it's completely different. unreal almost.

Reply 17

homoterror

Hm well to be honest if I was in your position my attitude would be "I'm exceptionally lucky to be at Oxbridge, many very deserving people get rejected seemingly inexplicably and well the least I can do is sacrifice a bit of my own ego to allow her to feel a bit better."

Reply 18

homoterror

Also the truth is by going to Oxbridge you might be sacrificing a bit of your youthful spirit to keep up with the academic demands. It will often be work work work, and people may well be happier at a university where they can develop in other directions.