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Feelings Upon Rejection

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Reply 20
Clueless?
Right. My thread got eaten up by the board and I really can't be bothered to type it up again so here's a much conciser version that may or may not make sense.

Me and a friend applied to Oxford, both got offers, she missed hers, I made mine. Today, she's realised that she never really wanted to go to Oxford, that its a crap course, in a horrid town, full of unsoicable twits and geeks who are never going to have any fun and her course at her secondary choice (which ironically was her insurace, not her firm) is much better and outclasses Oxford in all aspects. Now she's obviously a little bitter over it, but to spout out all of that in front of other friends really ticked me off, as I've worked hard to get in and she's just rubbished the next 3 years of my life for her own peace of mind. I didn't say anything, but to say the least I wasn't happy.

Anyone else experienced anything similar, like "I never really wanted to go there anyway, the course is much better elsewhere, it'll be boring and work, work, work!" attitude, or have you given it out and how's it made you feel :smile: ?

Edit: I'm not really having a go at her because its clear she's hurting, its just the attitude pisses me off.


ohhh...I know what you mean. :smile: I have a friend who puts others and their choices down just to feel better about herself. Just stay quiet and keep it to yourself. At the end of the day, you have the quiet satisfaction that YOU are the one going to oxford and not her. Shes just being petty, put up with her but don't tolerate it for long.

If she doesn't stop or if shes a close friend/ your best friend, maybe you should just try to leave her alone for a while.If it persists, and if shes really a true friend that you don't want to loose, let your feelings be known before you end up resenting her and jeopardizing the friendship you had before that.
Reply 21
Clueless?
Right. My thread got eaten up by the board and I really can't be bothered to type it up again so here's a much conciser version that may or may not make sense.

Me and a friend applied to Oxford, both got offers, she missed hers, I made mine. Today, she's realised that she never really wanted to go to Oxford, that its a crap course, in a horrid town, full of unsoicable twits and geeks who are never going to have any fun and her course at her secondary choice (which ironically was her insurace, not her firm) is much better and outclasses Oxford in all aspects. Now she's obviously a little bitter over it, but to spout out all of that in front of other friends really ticked me off, as I've worked hard to get in and she's just rubbished the next 3 years of my life for her own peace of mind. I didn't say anything, but to say the least I wasn't happy.

Anyone else experienced anything similar, like "I never really wanted to go there anyway, the course is much better elsewhere, it'll be boring and work, work, work!" attitude, or have you given it out and how's it made you feel :smile: ?

Edit: I'm not really having a go at her because its clear she's hurting, its just the attitude pisses me off.


just don't let it worry you. i'm guessing that part of the reason that her attitude upset you was that you might have seen a grain of truth in it. i've just made my offer for oxford and i have to admit that i am concerned by the whole 'oxford bubble' thing - obviously i want to do well academically, but i don't really want to spend three years having no real friends because of the pressure. i'm hoping that that won't be the case but still, same as you, it doesn't make me feel any better when someone says "it'll be all work work work and no fun". the point is, your friend may be hurting, but she is also being very insensitive to your feelings. if she does it again, i wouldn't be afraid to say something, maybe be a little bit facetious - something along the lines of "thanks for rubbing it in. you do realise i have to spend the next three years in that shithole, don't you?" that way you don't have to have a serious discussion or anything, but she might realise that her comments aren't really appreciated.
Reply 22
Clueless?
Hee hee :p: , I think I'll stick to H&E's advice for now if you don't mind :wink: . Hope not all Liverpudlians are as blunt (not in a bad way :p: ) as you though, as thats where she's headed.

And for the people going up for Cambridge Maths : 1st=Oxford,....., 93st=APU,...., ∞st=Cambridge :smile: . That didn't work did it?


Oof, Jesus, thats a bit of a vicious drop isn't it, falling from Oxford to liverpool uni...(I live in Liverpool myself) :p:
Reply 23
jeebus. regardless of what people think, even when they are hurting, oxford is a superb university.... probably. i mean i hope it is. yes, results day and the following few can be awkward, people making offers, people not and rubbishing their number 1 because they didn't get in. but soon twill all be forgotten. a few of my mates applied to oxbridge, two of us got offers, my mate missed Cam despite 6A's of 560+ in real subjects. but he is the only one who wasn't bitter towards me. off the others all i've had is "oxford is ruddish," "get a grip and go to a real uni...", "i can't thank god enough for me not getting an offer because i really didnt want to go there anyway" in the end, you done what you set out to do.

edit: and as for what it made me feel when they said such stuff about oxford - i got in i'm lovin it big style.
Reply 24
Does no one else think the original poster is being unreasonable? Surely it's completely self-absorbed to be more worried about criticism about a uni you're not even at yet than the feelings of a friend who's probably worried that her future career won't be as good as she hoped. Get a sense of perspective, for god's sake.
Reply 25
d750
Does no one else think the original poster is being unreasonable? Surely it's completely self-absorbed to be more worried about criticism about a uni you're not even at yet than the feelings of a friend who's probably worried that her future career won't be as good as she hoped. Get a sense of perspective, for god's sake.

yes, but whats your point?. for someone to degrade what you've worked for is worth being unreasonable about.
Reply 26
d750
Does no one else think the original poster is being unreasonable? Surely it's completely self-absorbed to be more worried about criticism about a uni you're not even at yet than the feelings of a friend who's probably worried that her future career won't be as good as she hoped. Get a sense of perspective, for god's sake.

Yup.
Reply 27
El Chueco
yes, but whats your point?. for someone to degrade what you've worked for is worth being unreasonable about.


No it isn't. And for the op to do that shows a complete inability to put himself in someone else's position.
Reply 28
d750
No it isn't. And for the op to do that shows a complete inability to put himself in someone else's position.

and who exactly is their perfect normal self after results day? the majority are either elated or down. so normal reactions are very unusual. at first i was thinking yes be sympathetic by all means, as s/he prolly was, but there are still lines that oughtn't to be crossed. did the person who missed their grades realise they could have just popped somebody elses bubble after their own burst? which leaves two students and no balloons - they can't even share the one they had left.
Reply 29
Clueless? I didnt know you where going to Oxford!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am thinking of applying next year!!! Well I think your friend's reaction is normal... she has to convice herself that she's going to have a great time at uni! I know how she feels... I HOPE I COULD DO THE SAME!!! :bawling:

snif snif...
Reply 30
El Chueco
and who exactly is their perfect normal self after results day? the majority are either elated or down. so normal reactions are very unusual. at first i was thinking yes be sympathetic by all means, as s/he prolly was, but there are still lines that oughtn't to be crossed. did the person who missed their grades realise they could have just popped somebody elses bubble after their own burst? which leaves two students and no balloons - they can't even share the one they had left.

SHe's going to bloody Oxford so what if she doesn't have a balloon.
Reply 31
d750
Does no one else think the original poster is being unreasonable? Surely it's completely self-absorbed to be more worried about criticism about a uni you're not even at yet than the feelings of a friend who's probably worried that her future career won't be as good as she hoped. Get a sense of perspective, for god's sake.


Did I say anything bad about my friend? Maybe if you'd read my post you'd have seen that I was actually supportive about the whole issue, I even agreed with her for Christ's sake. I said I was pissed off by the attitude and after spending a lot of time consoling her are you saying that I can't anonymously come on an internet forum and dispel some of the doubts that had crept into my mind and if you read through the whole thread you'll see I asked if anyone had experienced anything similar and asked for advice on ways to lighten her mood up :rolleyes: .

[kitsune]
Thanks, really sorry for you that Imperial said no :frown: , you've got great grades maybe they'd just run out of places already :smile: ?
Reply 32
They did indeed... the funny thing is that a guy from my school also got an offer and he's staying in madrid so they would have a student less! I think applying to Oxford this year instead of Cambridge :smile:
Reply 33
kitsune
They did indeed... the funny thing is that a guy from my school also got an offer and he's staying in madrid so they would have a student less! I think applying to Oxford this year instead of Cambridge :smile:


Great choice :biggrin: , for which subject, and any idea on which college?

[kalen]
I probably still couldn't point to Oxford on a map (without labels - I'm not that dim :wink: ) :redface: !
Reply 34
Clueless?
Did I say anything bad about my friend? Maybe if you'd read my post you'd have seen that I was actually supportive about the whole issue, I even agreed with her for Christ's sake. I said I was pissed off by the attitude and after spending a lot of time consoling her are you saying that I can't anonymously come on an internet forum and dispel some of the doubts that had crept into my mind and if you read through the whole thread you'll see I asked if anyone had experienced anything similar and asked for advice on ways to lighten her mood up :rolleyes:


Well, you did really. Just look back at your post. I really don't see why you were so annoyed. Just imagine yourself in her shoes and any bad feelings should surely disappear.

Anyway, what 'doubts' do you really have? You seem convinced that Oxford's the best place for you.
Reply 35
d750
Well, you did really. Just look back at your post. I really don't see why you were so annoyed. Just imagine yourself in her shoes and any bad feelings should surely disappear.

Anyway, what 'doubts' do you really have? You seem convinced that Oxford's the best place for you.


My feelings for her don't mean that she can't annoy me, I feel rather more strongly towards my girlfriend and even she annoys me sometimes. I don't think annoyance is that strong a word, maybe I should have said irked, but if someone spent a good hour telling you that your uni was crap, was going to be no fun and probably wasn't worth the effort then I think you'd be a little annoyed too.

I had doubts about Oxford anyway, whether I'd be able to keep up, etc, the usual things everyone goes through and just because I think its the right place for me doesn't me I have no qualms about going whatsoever. I just wanted to share my experience through the thread and see if anyone else had been through anything similar.
Reply 36
Engineering! :smile: No idea about colleges... any advice? :smile: What are you studying?
Reply 37
kitsune
Engineering! :smile: No idea about colleges... any advice? :smile: What are you studying?


Will be maths unless I change :smile: . Keble's wonderful :biggrin: and near the science park, but I liked New as well and Wadham was also near the sciency areas and quite relaxed from what I saw, but really it should be your own personal choice, I'd leaf through the prospectus and alternative prospectii before asking advice :smile: find a few that suit you and then you'll be able to ask for opinions on the pros and cons of each.
Reply 38
I've received an email (well it was sent this evening...) from Cambridge and they said that I dont even need to retake Alevel Physics, less Alevel Further Maths!!! That they would make the conditional offer on my engineering subjects! Waiting for the Oxford one... :p:
Reply 39
kitsune
I've received an email (well it was sent this evening...) from Cambridge and they said that I dont even need to retake Alevel Physics, less Alevel Further Maths!!! That they would make the conditional offer on my engineering subjects! Waiting for the Oxford one... :p:


Don't be tempted by the dark side, hold out for Oxford :p: , but really, that's great news :biggrin: !

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