Self-harm scars on girls?

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Anonymous #1
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Guys - say a girl had quite severe white scars that were obviously from self-harm on her arms, but they were from several years ago and she hadn't harmed herself since.

Would this be a massive turn-off or a relationship deal-breaker?
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ipulledhermione
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I should hope not, and a male being turned off by something like that is a prick. I know it can be quite a heavy sort of burden to hold, and it may scare one initially to know that you were previously such a tortured soul that lead you too self harm but the past is the past. He is right to question you about it if he cares, and he should simply accept what you tell him and move on. Be a positive influence not someone who will judge you or be pussyed out by what you may have gone through in the past.

Good luck!
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Foxfight04
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Personally not really, but I guess it depends on the extent of the scar. But generally it makes no odds to me, in fact I dated a girl with clear scars on her forearms, didn't bother me at all.
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Advanced Subsidiary
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(Original post by ipulledhermione)
I should hope not, and a male being turned off by something like that is a prick. I know it can be quite a heavy sort of burden to hold, and it may scare one initially to know that you were previously such a tortured soul that lead you too self harm but the past is the past. He is right to question you about it if he cares, and he should simply accept what you tell him and move on. Be a positive influence not someone who will judge you or be pussyed out by what you may have gone through in the past.

Good luck!
I agree with this. I wouldn't be put off it but it would startle me especially if she refuses to give reasons. I'm sure everyone has their reasons for why they do anything so I'd still go ahead with the chase/date.
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Foxfight04
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(Original post by Boozah)
Forking right. Just shows how weak willed she is.
My girlfriend used to do it back when we were about 14/15 and i just said that theres other ways to deal with frustration and stress than to cut yourself. I also said it wasnt being fair on me and she was selfish for that reason, so i said if she did it again i'd break up with her, and she hasn't done it since (trust me) I still check from time to time when shes really depressed by like kissing up her arms so she doesnt know what im upto, and i haven't had any problems since.

Besides most of the girls who do it, are just after attention or in that silly little gothic phase (emo) anyway. It doesn't need to be done, so yeah it would turn me right off.
That is utterly ignorant. Even if it is an act of attention it doesn't make a girl weak willed and I imagine is quite distressful.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Boozah)
Forking right. Just shows how weak willed she is.
My girlfriend used to do it back when we were about 14/15 and i just said that theres other ways to deal with frustration and stress than to cut yourself. I also said it wasnt being fair on me and she was selfish for that reason, so i said if she did it again i'd break up with her, and she hasn't done it since (trust me) I still check from time to time when shes really depressed by like kissing up her arms so she doesnt know what im upto, and i haven't had any problems since.

Besides most of the girls who do it, are just after attention or in that silly little gothic phase (emo) anyway. It doesn't need to be done, so yeah it would turn me right off.

Sorry, but you don't know anything about me and I would appreciate it if you didn't make ridiculous assumptions and generalisations about this. The vast majority of self-harmers, including myself, go to extreme lengths not to let anyone see their scars, please explain to me how that is attention-seeking? For the record, I was 15, I was going through an awful time in my life and yes, I coped with it badly. But the point is, I did cope: I'm through it now and I'll never harm myself again.

Also, I'm surprised your girlfriend is even with you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ipulledhermione)
I should hope not, and a male being turned off by something like that is a prick. I know it can be quite a heavy sort of burden to hold, and it may scare one initially to know that you were previously such a tortured soul that lead you too self harm but the past is the past. He is right to question you about it if he cares, and he should simply accept what you tell him and move on. Be a positive influence not someone who will judge you or be pussyed out by what you may have gone through in the past.

Good luck!
Thank you so much for this reply
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QuantBrain
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No I don't care if she has scars on her arms. What matters is that now she's happy and not doing it anymore.
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fire2burn
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No scars wouldn't put me off, because I'm not a pig ignorant judgemental prick like some users on here

Everyone has their own coping methods, and self harm is legitimately recognised by cpn's, psychologists and psychiatrists working for the NHS as an effective coping strategy albeit one that is destructive. However if the alternative is something worse i.e. suicide then it is never to discouraged until such a time that the person is able to utilise other methods to deal with their emotions or problems.

Self harm isn't just cutting and I think that is something that many people on this forum do not realise, it can also extend to deliberately withholding food from ones self, alcoholism, excessive exercise, biting ones cheeks, blunt trauma (i.e. punching or hitting), picking, scratching, etc.
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GodspeedGehenna
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry, but you don't know anything about me and I would appreciate it if you didn't make ridiculous assumptions and generalisations about this. The vast majority of self-harmers, including myself, go to extreme lengths not to let anyone see their scars, please explain to me how that is attention-seeking? For the record, I was 15, I was going through an awful time in my life and yes, I coped with it badly. But the point is, I did cope: I'm through it now and I'll never harm myself again.

Also, I'm surprised your girlfriend is even with you.
You asked for opinions and he gave you his. Don't cry when you get ones that you don't agree with.
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mikeyd85
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AS long as when I questioned her about them she gave me direct, honest answers, I'd be fine with that.
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tomcuk123
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It wouldnt put me off no. I know what its like to harm yourself, so there we go. Id hope it wouldnt put her off either.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GodspeedGehenna)
You asked for opinions and he gave you his. Don't cry when you get ones that you don't agree with.
I think you've misunderstood. I don't have a problem with his opinion. I'm more disturbed by the belittling of his girlfriend's mental health issues and the sheer ignorance displayed in his post.
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Linweth
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(Original post by tomcuk123)
It wouldnt put me off no. I know what its like to harm yourself, so there we go. Id hope it wouldnt put her off either.
I agree with this
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Doodahdoo
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(Original post by Boozah)
Just shows how weak willed she is.
Besides most of the girls who do it, are just after attention or in that silly little gothic phase (emo) anyway. It doesn't need to be done, so yeah it would turn me right off.
Self-harm is, although maladaptive, a coping mechanism nonetheless; it doesn't make anybody 'weak-willed' for doing so.
And you have made some assumptions about self-harm, and self-harmers, that are neither fair nor accurate. Whilst there are a people who have SI'ed for those reasons, to assume that 'most' people have is just quite ignorant. tbh. the fact your girlfriend hasn't SI'ed in that time, after you 'told' her to stop is - whilst good, for the obvious lack of SI - not necessarily positive; SI is a manifestation and outward expression of your emotions, if she was struggling enough to SI I'd wonder if she is completely over the underlying causes that drove her to SI in the first place. It doesn't need to be done? It's not essential to have an alcoholic drink, or to shout, or to cry - do they turn you off, too?

To the OP: Any person who would get turned off from a girl simply because of something that happened a long time ago in her past is probably not worth the fight. It's a burden to handle - even more so if you're quite ignorant of SI, but I personally can't imagine it being an off-putting thing, if he likes you - and it's in the past. A lot of people make a lot of silly mistakes in the past, it shouldn't be used to dictate who you are now.
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Guy guyson
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Less destructive than so many other coping mechanisms, so from that point a view it's not an issue.
Depends if you can't stand the scars or not, i mean it really has to be that shallow.

For me i doubt it would matter, aslong as they stopped.
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks for all the replies guys Rep is on it's way. x
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Tsukuyomi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Guys - say a girl had quite severe white scars that were obviously from self-harm on her arms, but they were from several years ago and she hadn't harmed herself since.

Would this be a massive turn-off or a relationship deal-breaker?
:drool: :sogood:
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Spice_Weasel
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My girlfriends forearms are covered with self harm scars from about 5 years ago. There's a few more on her legs and stuff as well.

To be honest it's never really put me off and I didn't really see it as a problem when I first started going out with her! After time I've grown to completely ignore them, I sometimes forget she even has them - it's just a part of who she is.

The one issue is that my parents don't know that she used to self harm, so I'm slightly concerned about what they think when/if they find out. :/
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Age_of_Innocence
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No, it wouldn't bother me.
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