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    Can you make me laugh please. PM me some jokes.

    If they are very worthy, all I can humbly offer you is a place in my signature, under the title "great bards of joke telling".

    If they are rubbish though, I will instantly put you to shame under "fools who deserve to be flung by a giant trebuchet for abusing the word 'joke'"

    In order to help you in your quest, here are some of my favorite categories:

    -Short, quick, one sentence hilarious jokes.

    -Original blonde jokes.

    -Any jokes that will piss religious people off.

    -Long jokes with a build up towards an inredibly funny climax - any good ones in this category will almost certainly gain recognition.

    -Really childish, rude and immature jokes - my absolute favorite.
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    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get to the other side.

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    lol. smile erk thats a classicle bad joke
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    What's black and blue, and lies in a corner?




















    A dead baby.


    (Old, I know.)
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    What is black, blue and green and lays in the corner?










    Spoiler:
    Show



    The same baby a week later.


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    inequality, there is one funny member on this forum and his name is Researcher Lond. Check him out. The guy has me in stiches virtually every time he posts.
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    I've got quite a few of these dead baby jokes now.
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    i quite liked this one :0\

    THE BACON TREE

    Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
    death.

    They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all
    of a sudden...

    "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?
    Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

    "Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

    So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and
    there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

    There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture,
    there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...
    every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

    "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

    "Luis, are sure ees not a meerage?
    We ees in the desert,don'forget".

    "Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell of bacon.? ...ees no
    meerage, ees a bacon tree".

    And with that...Luis races towards the tree.
    He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind,
    when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his
    tracks.

    It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages
    to warn Pepe with his dying breath.


    "Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

    "Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

    "Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....

    .........


    Ees.....


    Ees.....


    Ees.....


    Ees, a Ham Bush"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
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    You should offer rep...more people would try :P
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    (Original post by inequality)
    -Really childish, rude and immature jokes - my absolute favorite.
    Teacher: "The Chair of the House of Lords sits on the 'woolsack'; so called, because it symbolises the way in which Britain made its fortune."
    Pupil: "On its arse?"

    -Short, quick, one sentence hilarious jokes.
    ...














    Balls.
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    Possibly offensive.......

    What did the blondes left leg say to her right leg?
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Nothing, they've never met


    What's blue and doesn't fit?
    Spoiler:
    Show
    A dead epileptic


    Have you heard about the Princess Diana commemerative Mercedes-Benz?
    Spoiler:
    Show
    It comes with 2 airbags and 3 bodybags!
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    What's soft and brown and sometimes found in little boy's diapers?













    Michael Jackson's hand! :eek:
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    I once went into a Christian chatroom with 3 friends as the Four Horsemen of the apocalypse. Three of them attempted to do a live virtual exorcism.
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    I posted this one elsewhere, but it's the funniest I've read in a long time:

    Two Irish guys decide one evening to go to on a pub crawl in Dublin. Paddy and Pat count up their money between them, and find they only have 50 cent. Pat takes the money and with it goes to a market and buys a sausauge with it.

    "What the hell do you do that for?" says Paddy.

    "You'll see..." replies Pat.

    So both set off to the first pub they can find. They order two beers, and drink them. Once they've finished them, Pat says:

    "Right, Paddy, in order not to have to pay for these drinks here, go down on your knees, and I'll put this sausauge through my flies and you suck it".

    And sure enough, the right reaction follows. The landlord gets seriously angry at this display, and kicks the two Irishmen out - and they didn't pay for their drinks.

    Using this successful technique at every pub they get to, drinking, then Paddy sucks the sausauge, they haven't paid a penny towards their drinks, and become more and more drunk. Then Paddy, in a haze of alcohol, calls to Pat:

    "Hey, Pat, can't we swap round for a second? My knees are beginning to really hurt after sucking that sausauge you bought..."

    The answer he gets is: "No way Pat. I lost the sausauge about 6 pubs ago..."
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    :rofl:

    What's worse than ten dead babies in a dustbin?




















    One dead baby in ten dustbins... :rolleyes:
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    How do you do the spoiler's
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    For someone who is blonde, I know a lot of these jokes... *shrugs*

    What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
    "Have another beer."

    Why is a blonde like a door knob?
    Because everybody gets a turn.

    What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
    They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

    Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
    Because her boyfriend was also blonde!
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    (Original post by Meat Loaf Rocks)
    How do you do the spoiler's
    [ spoiler ] TEXT HERE [ / spoiler ]

    minus spaces

    Spoiler:
    Show
    TEXT HERE
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    I met a dutch girl last night with inflatable shoes!
    I gave her a call today to ask her out again, turns out she'd popped her clogs!
    :P
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    There are two cows in a field.
    One cow says to the other 'hey mate, aren't you worried about this mad cow disease thats been going around? You worried about getting it?'
    And the other one replies 'No i'm not worried mate'
    The first cow says 'Why not?'
    The other one replies 'Cause i'm a tractor'
 
 
 
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