The Student Room Group
Reply 1
Someone told me that financial crime is rarely investigated.

So I raped my accountant.
Reply 2
M1F2R3
Someone told me that financial crime is rarely investigated.

So I raped my accountant.



REP.
I laughed so hard one hook of my bra unhinged.

Why do I find such vulgar jokes funny ? :eek:
Reply 3
Winnieee
REP.
I laughed so hard one hook of my bra unhinged.

Why do I find such vulgar jokes funny ? :eek:


Thanks, thanks. Shall return the favour.

P.S. I hope it wasn't a wonderbra, do you know why they call it the wonderbra? You take it off and wonder " where the **** have the tits gone ?"
Reply 4
M1F2R3
Thanks, thanks. Shall return the favour.

P.S. I hope it wasn't a wonderbra, do you know why they call it the wonderbra? You take it off and wonder " where the **** have the tits gone ?"


Lulz , I WISH I had that problem.
I'm a 30F. I need a Wonderbra with the powers of invisibility :yep:
Reply 5
Winnieee
REP.
I laughed so hard one hook of my bra unhinged.


That made me laugh more than the actual joke. xD
Reply 6
How about this one?

A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
"Oh my God!" said the woman. "What shall I do?"
"Marry an accountant," suggested the doctor.
"Why?" asked the woman. "Will that make me live longer?"
"No," replied the doctor. "But it will SEEM longer."
Reply 7
Winnieee
Lulz , I WISH I had that problem.
I'm a 30F. I need a Wonderbra with the powers of invisibility :yep:

30F, no idea how small/big that is.
borbts
I was asked to be best man for my mate's wedding. He is a Manager at Deloitte so I've been looking around for the best accountant jokes.

The best I've found are on BringOnRetirement.com so far

Anybody got any others?

:smile: :eek: :smile: :smile:



looks like you're advertising, borbts.
Reply 9
Winnieee
REP.
I laughed so hard one hook of my bra unhinged.


lolololololol

boss to accounts how much profit have we made, ??
accounts - how much do you want it to be
Guess what the funniest accounting joke ever is?

Spoiler

Reply 11
Zweihander
Guess what the funniest accounting joke ever is?

Spoiler


hehe
Reply 12
the only one i know:

what do you say to the accountant who spilt his drink all over his work?

Congratulations, you've made your first T-Account.

i'm here all week.
Reply 13
That is an absolute shocker of a joke!!! So bad, I laughed my head off.

Does that make it funny????
romski
lolololololol

boss to accounts how much profit have we made, ??
accounts - how much do you want it to be


Excellent :biggrin:
Reply 15
Top 10 Worst Accounting Pick-up Lines

10) Why don't we go back to my place, and I'll let you audit my staff.

9) Wanna sneak out behind the 'hedge' and play with my financial instrument?

8) If I had you, I wouldn't need to use my Handbook.

7) I think we should swap some liquid assets.

6) Take me home tonight, and I guarantee you'll see an extraordinary item.

5) I've been in public practice for several years, and that's easily the largest endowment I've ever seen.

4) Nice 'boot'. Wanna PUC?

3) I'd do just about anything to see your GAAP.

2) Can I put my substance all over your form?

...and the #1 worst accounting pick-up line is...

1) So, how do you feel about things in arrears?


Other Notables

"Can we get back together next year for a review engagement?"

"I'm gonna have to make some adjustments to your bottom line."

"Maybe we should go back to your place so you can show me some inside information about your firm structure."

"I think we should introduce a 3rd party to evaluate our standing position."

"If we had a meeting, we wouldn't take 'minutes', we'd take hours!"

"If we get together, I won't have to WACC anymore."

"Trust me, I'm an accountant, I know how to manipulate firm assets."

"I'm so big, you'll consider it at least an arm's length transaction."

"Just because I only have a minority interest, doesn't mean we shouldn't integrate and do a rollover."

"If your sister joined us, we could have one hell of a related party!"

"Your friends should join us so that I could have some comparative figures to manipulate."

"Girl, you meet ALL my criteria, so you better believe I'm gonna capitalize!"

"Take me home, I'm 'assure' thing!"