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    (Original post by prince_capri)
    ummmmmmmmmm.......cool one !!!
    right well i've got an even sicker one.......

    two friends (male) are about to set off on a pub crawl. They dig into their pockets, and find that they have a combined total of 60p. 'That's not enough for the two of us!' one exclaims. 'I have an idea,' says the other, 'I'll go and buy a frankfurter and hide it in my trousers. When we've had a pint each, I'll whip out the frankfurter from my flies and you can suck on it.' They do this at the first pub the enter, and the barman throws them out, shouting 'GET OUT OF MY PUB, YOU SICKOS!'
    Finding that this is a fantastic idea, the two do it for a couple more pubs..... finally after about 8 pubs, the one who had been doing all the sucking says: 'I'm feeling a bit hungry now. How about we split the frankfurter between us?' His friend says 'Sorry mate, I felt peckish and ate it about 3 pubs ago'............
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    eeewwww...

    kinda funny tho.

    im gonna go find a good one.
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    ok this is sick

    A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"

    "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."

    "Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
    "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
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    Ancient Chinese Torture

    A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

    "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

    "Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

    Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

    He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
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    Bad reception

    A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"

    The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

    The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

    The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

    She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
    "Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."
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    (Original post by SasunD)
    my mum does a swell job at navigating. we drove all the way to blackpool with stopovers, from London.
    stopovers =she had to ask for directions
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    (Original post by Moochy)
    Bad reception

    A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"

    The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

    The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

    The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

    She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
    "Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."
    that's a good one

    here's one my friend made up:

    What do you call a blonde wearing glasses?
    Artifical Intelligence
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    (Original post by 4Ed)
    right well i've got an even sicker one.......

    two friends (male) are about to set off on a pub crawl. They dig into their pockets, and find that they have a combined total of 60p. 'That's not enough for the two of us!' one exclaims. 'I have an idea,' says the other, 'I'll go and buy a frankfurter and hide it in my trousers. When we've had a pint each, I'll whip out the frankfurter from my flies and you can suck on it.' They do this at the first pub the enter, and the barman throws them out, shouting 'GET OUT OF MY PUB, YOU SICKOS!'
    Finding that this is a fantastic idea, the two do it for a couple more pubs..... finally after about 8 pubs, the one who had been doing all the sucking says: 'I'm feeling a bit hungry now. How about we split the frankfurter between us?' His friend says 'Sorry mate, I felt peckish and ate it about 3 pubs ago'............
    Hehe, that's not bad!

    I don't think the blonde jokes are very good, well actually some of them aren't too bad but they're too predictable.
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    (Original post by gemgems89)
    Hehe, that's not bad!

    I don't think the blonde jokes are very good, well actually some of them aren't too bad but they're too predictable.
    they're OK.... i've seen some amazing ones on posters that are now selling in HMV/MVC....
    anyone got any others?
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    (Original post by _EMMA_)
    blond jokes?
    anything
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    A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
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    (Original post by _EMMA_)
    A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
    lol, i like that one.... i ahve one but it' very poor taste (excuse the pun- you'll understand once you've read it)

    2 sperm are swimming along. one sperm says to the other 'are we nearly at the ovaries yet?' the other sperm replies 'nah, we've only just passed the tonsils'

    doesn't seem as funny now.... this had me cracking up on friday night (damn alcohol)

    lou xxx
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    (Original post by lou p lou)
    lol, i like that one.... i ahve one but it' very poor taste (excuse the pun- you'll understand once you've read it)

    2 sperm are swimming along. one sperm says to the other 'are we nearly at the ovaries yet?' the other sperm replies 'nah, we've only just passed the tonsils'

    doesn't seem as funny now.... this had me cracking up on friday night (damn alcohol)

    lou xxx
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    this one had my friend cracking up all day (i don't actually find it THAT funny...)

    Why was the washing machine laughing?

    BEcause it was taking the piss out of your pants
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    (Original post by white_solitude)
    this one had my friend cracking up all day (i don't actually find it THAT funny...)

    Why was the washing machine laughing?

    BEcause it was taking the piss out of your pants

    hehehe, that is quite funny
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    (Original post by white_solitude)
    this one had my friend cracking up all day (i don't actually find it THAT funny...)

    Why was the washing machine laughing?

    BEcause it was taking the piss out of your pants
    i do he he he
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    (Original post by lou p lou)
    lol, i like that one.... i ahve one but it' very poor taste (excuse the pun- you'll understand once you've read it)

    2 sperm are swimming along. one sperm says to the other 'are we nearly at the ovaries yet?' the other sperm replies 'nah, we've only just passed the tonsils'

    doesn't seem as funny now.... this had me cracking up on friday night (damn alcohol)

    lou xxx
    LoL that can't be very healthy for you can it?

    OK here's another one...
    A blonde decides to earn some extra money, so she goes around a rich neighbourhood asking if anyone needs any odd jobs done. One man says 'How much will you charge for repainting my porch?' She replies '£30' The man says 'Amazing! All the tools you need are in the garage.' and leaves her to it. After about 20 minutes, the blonde has finished, and rings the doorbell. 'Is it done already?' 'Yeah' she replies, I even put an extra 2nd layer of paint on just to make sure. Oh and by the way, that's a Mercedes you've got there, not a Porsche!'
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    (Original post by 4Ed)
    LoL that can't be very healthy for you can it?

    OK here's another one...
    A blonde decides to earn some extra money, so she goes around a rich neighbourhood asking if anyone needs any odd jobs done. One man says 'How much will you charge for repainting my porch?' She replies '£30' The man says 'Amazing! All the tools you need are in the garage.' and leaves her to it. After about 20 minutes, the blonde has finished, and rings the doorbell. 'Is it done already?' 'Yeah' she replies, I even put an extra 2nd layer of paint on just to make sure. Oh and by the way, that's a Mercedes you've got there, not a Porsche!'

    LOL! *ouch* thats pretty painful for the old guy...
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    i have this huge book of jokes, half of them aren't even funny o well...heres another


    y are married women heavier than single women?

    single women come home, see whats in the refrigerator and go to bed, married women come home, see whats in bed and go to the refrigerator
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    i love this one

    A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
 
 
 
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