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Poverty Depression Wish I Was Dead.

1

Hello guys;

Please help, don't know what to do.. no money left - completely overdrawn now, housing benefit might be cut because Im working, money not come through yet.. so much paperwork and variables and pressures..hate working so much effort, my deppression is mounting and I can't think anymore.. just sit hear starving in bed wishing the world would all disappear.. life so lonely (never had a girlfriend at age 24 - women hate me been rejected countless times) and every second is unbearable.

what will ever change?

help.

Reply 1

Double Agent

18

Everything can change if you decide that its going to. The world changes radically depending on the eyes you are seeing it through, and although your situation is a difficult one, it is not by any means beyond repair. First off, are you having treatment for your depression?

Reply 2

niceguy21

OP

1

Citalopram.. it helps.

I'm so ****** up in the head.

Reply 3

niceguy21

OP

1

Citalopram .. 20 Mg.

Gonna take a lot more than just drugs to sort out my ****** up world..

I'm so ugly and lonely; whats there to look forwards to. I'm not even a nice person.. being bullied made me horrible and vengeful.

Reply 4

Double Agent

18

Stay calm bud, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and just believing that fact will help enormously. Go first thing tomorow to your GP, and discuss your treatment for the depression, you may be able to adjust your dose or move onto something more appropriate. I suggest getting counselling too, you clearly have a lot to get out and work through. Your self esteem will improve as your depression does, but there are things you can do to help that too. Things as simple as a daily walk, a new haircut, pushing your boundaires and regular exercise and team sports/activities will all help. Bullying often leaves a legacy, its something I am strongly considering writing a guide on actually. I would suggest getting some paper and a pen, and doing several things. First off, write down everything you want to change about your life, and score them 0-5 in order of priority. Next, write another list of who you want to be/what you want to be doing and score them 0-5 in similar fashion. Writing things down is amazing, I do this for every aspect of my life, it cuts out all the ambiguity, which itself adds to the pressure and worry. Get super organised.

Reply 5

niceguy21

OP

1

Thankyoufor helping, I agree that organisation seems key to survival. Its just that right now picking up pen and paper and forgetting the debts that are chasing me, the bleaky future ahead, my lonliness and sexual frustration is tantamount to picking up a 500lb barbell for a normal person. I think you should write this book; sometimes my life plan feels like one giant revenge story.. make money.. prove them wrong, live oppulently and blow all the money on whores and booze and drugs. Thats honestly my dream.

Reply 6

iwwhty

1

niceguy21

Hello guys;

Please help, don't know what to do.. no money left - completely overdrawn now, housing benefit might be cut because Im working, money not come through yet.. so much paperwork and variables and pressures..hate working so much effort, my deppression is mounting and I can't think anymore.. just sit hear starving in bed wishing the world would all disappear.. life so lonely (never had a girlfriend at age 24 - women hate me been rejected countless times) and every second is unbearable.

what will ever change?

help.

If you go to your local Citizens Advice Bureau, they can provide free and confidential advice. They can give you a benefits check just to make sure you're claiming everything you're entitled to, and they can also help you manage your debts. They can go through what income you will have working and whether or not you will be better off leaving your job and living on benefits. Some people might disagree with that but if your depression is particularly bad, and if it's being exasperated by financial problems, then it's something worth considering...just until you get yourself sorted out.

Reply 7

iwwhty

1

niceguy21

Thankyoufor helping, I agree that organisation seems key to survival. Its just that right now picking up pen and paper and forgetting the debts that are chasing me, the bleaky future ahead, my lonliness and sexual frustration is tantamount to picking up a 500lb barbell for a normal person. I think you should write this book; sometimes my life plan feels like one giant revenge story.. make money.. prove them wrong, live oppulently and blow all the money on whores and booze and drugs. Thats honestly my dream.

There's a guy called Geoff Thompson, he was bullied and sexually abused as a kid and he's had alot of problems in his life. He decided to confront all of his fears and he became a bouncer. (Fear of violence was his biggest fear.) He then became a world class martial artist and now he's a successful writer and film director.

If you go to his website, he discusses alot of his problems and how he overcame them, in the 'must read articles' section. There is alot of good advice in there and taking some of his advice, has transformed my own life. If you to sign up to the free newsletter, you can also download one of his self-help books: 'The elephant and the twig', it's a really good book and I think reading it will help you:

http://www.geoffthompson.com/newsletter/Joinnewsletter.asp

Reply 8

niceguy21

OP

1

iwwhty

If you go to your local Citizens Advice Bureau

Thankyou, I will look into doing this.

Financial pressures are horrendous. Its like paralysis.. Theres so many things I want to do, even going down the gym is impossible.. I'm so underweight I look like an anorexic too BMI 17. All I want to do is eat, but I'm too poor now.

Once upon a time I was the star of my family.. an oxford undergrad.. going places, now i'm just a dropout failure, living in squallor and the family joke... living off loans from them, when they themselives live on the breadline.

The shame of this is horrendous. I see why people become alcoholics and commit suicide now. Never did as a kid. I just haven't got the dignity or balls to finish off the job

Reply 9

iwwhty

1

niceguy21

Thankyou, I will look into doing this.

Financial pressures are horrendous. Its like paralysis.. Theres so many things I want to do, even going down the gym is impossible.. I'm so underweight I look like an anorexic too BMI 17. All I want to do is eat, but I'm too poor now.

Once upon a time I was the star of my family.. an oxford undergrad.. going places, now i'm just a dropout failure, living in squallor and the family joke... living off loans from them, when they themselives live on the breadline.

The shame of this is horrendous. I see why people become alcoholics and commit suicide now. Never did as a kid. I just haven't got the dignity or balls to finish off the job

Your past (and your present) doesn't equal your future. Things might be bad now but that doesn't mean they will always be bad. There has been times in my life where the future has seemed hopeless but I held in there, and things picked up eventually. 'The darkest hour of your life is only 60 minutes long' and 'the closer you get to the light, the bigger your shadow becomes' are two quotes which resonate with me.

Reply 10

niceguy21

OP

1

iwwhty

Your past (and your present) doesn't equal your future. Things might be bad now but that doesn't mean they will always be bad. There has been times in my life where the future has seemed hopeless but I held in there, and things picked up eventually. 'The darkest hour of your life is only 60 minutes long' and 'the closer you get to the light, the bigger your shadow becomes' are two quotes which resonate with me.

I just don't like who I am anymore ,, My talents are for the artistic way of life... but my motivations are only for money and glamour.. these two things are quite incongruent and tear me apart.

Reply 11

sourfishy

iwwhty

If you go to your local Citizens Advice Bureau, they can provide free and confidential advice. They can give you a benefits check just to make sure you're claiming everything you're entitled to, and they can also help you manage your debts. They can go through what income you will have working and whether or not you will be better off leaving your job and living on benefits. Some people might disagree with that but if your depression is particularly bad, and if it's being exasperated by financial problems, then it's something worth considering...just until you get yourself sorted out.

^^ strongly agree with the above. There may also be other services like the CAB but that specialise in free debt advice near where you live - definitely worth checking this out. They can help you sort out payment arrangements to your creditors, write letters to them for you explaining your circumstances and stop them hassling you for repayments, or even help you fill out debt relief order/bankruptcy applications if the situation is really bad.

Also, don't be so down on yourself. Give yourself some credit - you mentioned you're working now, so good for you getting a job (even if it is crappy/minimum wage/whatever, it's still an achievement).

Poverty Depression Wish I Was Dead.

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