This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- Cracked retainers
- Mocks
- Make it More OAP-ey !!
- How is the Latest Generation of AI Changing Student Life?
- I got her number
- How long is this heatwave in the UK going to last?
- english language paper 1 q5. Pls help
- Should I include my diagnosis on in my personal statement?
- How to be a genius in Maths entrance exam?
- Make it More Egg-ey !!
- Medicine Artefact EPQ
- personal statement help!!!
- A Week in the Life of a Year 2 Graphic Design Student at Norwich Uni Arts:
- rejected from med, what shall i do in my gap year?
- First-Year Law Results / The Bar
- A level unseen poetry
- OCR A Physics
- mark my question 5?
- journalism - cardiff or city?
- Creative writing
i'm cracking up
Basically I am in a situation I cannot describe. Just read below and hopefully it'll flow through and you can suss what's wrong. I can't for the life of me.
About me
It was at the start of uni and my social skills were dire. I just could not understand or even comprehend how to talk and get on with people. How did they do it? Everyone clicked with each other instantly - or so it seemed at least. Everywhere I went around uni, people were in their groups completely normal like it was second nature. Guys, play fighting with their guy mates, flirting with their girl mates, just getting along so well, so suspiciously well. Then there was me. I was, or am, quite plainly a retard. I am an idiot, a fool, a moron, and ridiculously retarded. I am an average looking guy, the least I could get was some average looking friends, couldn't I? I'd love that. Just some friends after years of not knowing how friendships, or people, work would be nice. It would be great. But no. I am a social retard with the social skills of an weasel. I moved like one too. I behaved like one. Sometimes I even smelled like that dead weasel. I became that weasel. That was my persona at university, the place that was going to change my life around in an instant, the place that was going to allow me to be who I really was inside, the guy trapped behind this indestructible wall that was social interaction, the guy begging to know how to get past it and show himself to the world. But no. I hadn't found it. Not in 18 years of life. I could dominate every GCSE, excel in every A level, complete a 150 page monstrosity of coursework, achieve a 2:1 in every assignment so far. But I couldn't even crack the simple rules of communication with another human. Even my ******* Down's Syndrome cousin Erin could do this one. I truly was a retarded human being. I still am. Because here I am, nearing the end of my first year of university. Not ventured into a club since fresher's week. Not bought a pint in months. No friends at all. **** all societies I could join. Too scared to join the gym. And still, not even had a ******* conversation with a girl. Pathetic. I have no life other than... sleeping, eating, occasionally appearing in some lectures just to daydream of a better life, and the internet. I have nothing going on in my life. And I want to change this. I have only just started discovering new worlds, through the internet, overflowing with the precious information I can use to sculpt every aspect of my personality into who I want to be, who I am. Also thanks to The Pirate Bay and uTorrent.
The situation:
This is the mission I have embarked on. Over the next 6 months I will be moulding and shaping every aspect of myself into who I want to be. Who I need to be. This sudden change of heart comes from one girl. A stranger. A random. She has the power to change my life, and she hasn't even acknowledged my existence yet. We have only been within 4 foot distance of each other, yet she has inspired me to change my life. To live my life happy. I really cannot get my head around it. I think I must be going crazy.
The girl:
This is the strangest and baffling part. She's barely average looking. I have no idea on her personality, so that's out of the scene for now. She has made me need to improve every part of my life. All I have done is glanced at her. Yet here I am, in this situation, about to take control of my life, for once. She is barely average. She has bigger shoulders than her hips (unattractive), she has a little mousey face (unattractive), she has small squint eyes, a small head, shallow forehead, big nose, and skin that looks thin and dirty. She's 18 and about 5'8. This description makes portrays her having similar features as a witch. Yet I instantly fell in love with her. As if we are soul mates perfect for each other. Is this possible? Do looks have substance in this respect? I cannot get this girl who I know nothing about out of my head. I'm going out of my head. Has she put a spell on me? No, I'm not worth ****. Why is this happening though? Is it God? The Cosmos? The Navi? My future? My destiny? Or is this my subconscious trying to kick start me back into a life with meaning and purpose. I'd always had ambition. I thrive of being successful. I enjoy it. I love it. Satisfaction. Attention. Worship. I think I need these to survive, yet I am holding myself back from these with my social retardation. Do I crave these so much I am telling myself to wake up and get out there and do I rationalise these thoughts into stimuli from the world around me? WHY DO I LOVE THIS GIRL FOR NO REASON?!
Should I go talk to her? I can I know how, and I'm cool with meeting new people and I'm really eager to meet his one. She is so intriguing. Kind of like how the Vampire likes that girl in Twilight because he can't read her mind. That's kind of what it's like. Insane random feelings for no reason - is that normal?
_____
I actually think I'm going insane. I haven't slept in 3 days. Haven't eaten at all today. I feel to surreal and in my own reality right now it's really cracking me up. I can't handle this. It's driving me nuts. I've always been able to keep on top of everything, control everything, but my life, these feelings, this feeling of being lost. I don't even know who I am. I've never discovered myself. Maybe I'm trying to invent the person I'd like to be rather than who I thought I was on the inside. What do I do? I'm actually going bat **** insane.
I don't even know the point of this any more. Just give me opinions and help, people, please. What do you make of this situation? I'm completely lost. I have no idea what's what or where to go. I have exams to revise for too. This couldn't have come at a worse time. Nor could it have come at a better time. ****! What am I doing?
My mind is running overtime. I'm constantly thinking. Thinking about 10 things at once. I start to pace as I think about everything. I keep thinking I cannot stop it. It's killing me. I keep getting these profound thoughts about everything. Myself, my life, the future, my future, how I want to live, my success. I think I have developed Megalomania. I can't stop it. I must be going crazy. All thanks to that stupid girl. She made me go mad. Or it was me. No, I need to do this. I must. Should I? Who will I be if I am successful, or if I fail and lose everything, or if I continue to be who I portray myself as now. I think I've gone crazier than when I first started writing this. That was 2 hours ago. And my stomach is really hurting. I need food but I don't want it. What is happening to me? I'm just going to flip in a minute. It's getting too much.
I keep hearing music too. And talking. But I think these are just from my Insomnia, I hope they are. I'm not a schizophrenic. But I fear I may become a Sociopath.
About me
It was at the start of uni and my social skills were dire. I just could not understand or even comprehend how to talk and get on with people. How did they do it? Everyone clicked with each other instantly - or so it seemed at least. Everywhere I went around uni, people were in their groups completely normal like it was second nature. Guys, play fighting with their guy mates, flirting with their girl mates, just getting along so well, so suspiciously well. Then there was me. I was, or am, quite plainly a retard. I am an idiot, a fool, a moron, and ridiculously retarded. I am an average looking guy, the least I could get was some average looking friends, couldn't I? I'd love that. Just some friends after years of not knowing how friendships, or people, work would be nice. It would be great. But no. I am a social retard with the social skills of an weasel. I moved like one too. I behaved like one. Sometimes I even smelled like that dead weasel. I became that weasel. That was my persona at university, the place that was going to change my life around in an instant, the place that was going to allow me to be who I really was inside, the guy trapped behind this indestructible wall that was social interaction, the guy begging to know how to get past it and show himself to the world. But no. I hadn't found it. Not in 18 years of life. I could dominate every GCSE, excel in every A level, complete a 150 page monstrosity of coursework, achieve a 2:1 in every assignment so far. But I couldn't even crack the simple rules of communication with another human. Even my ******* Down's Syndrome cousin Erin could do this one. I truly was a retarded human being. I still am. Because here I am, nearing the end of my first year of university. Not ventured into a club since fresher's week. Not bought a pint in months. No friends at all. **** all societies I could join. Too scared to join the gym. And still, not even had a ******* conversation with a girl. Pathetic. I have no life other than... sleeping, eating, occasionally appearing in some lectures just to daydream of a better life, and the internet. I have nothing going on in my life. And I want to change this. I have only just started discovering new worlds, through the internet, overflowing with the precious information I can use to sculpt every aspect of my personality into who I want to be, who I am. Also thanks to The Pirate Bay and uTorrent.
The situation:
This is the mission I have embarked on. Over the next 6 months I will be moulding and shaping every aspect of myself into who I want to be. Who I need to be. This sudden change of heart comes from one girl. A stranger. A random. She has the power to change my life, and she hasn't even acknowledged my existence yet. We have only been within 4 foot distance of each other, yet she has inspired me to change my life. To live my life happy. I really cannot get my head around it. I think I must be going crazy.
The girl:
This is the strangest and baffling part. She's barely average looking. I have no idea on her personality, so that's out of the scene for now. She has made me need to improve every part of my life. All I have done is glanced at her. Yet here I am, in this situation, about to take control of my life, for once. She is barely average. She has bigger shoulders than her hips (unattractive), she has a little mousey face (unattractive), she has small squint eyes, a small head, shallow forehead, big nose, and skin that looks thin and dirty. She's 18 and about 5'8. This description makes portrays her having similar features as a witch. Yet I instantly fell in love with her. As if we are soul mates perfect for each other. Is this possible? Do looks have substance in this respect? I cannot get this girl who I know nothing about out of my head. I'm going out of my head. Has she put a spell on me? No, I'm not worth ****. Why is this happening though? Is it God? The Cosmos? The Navi? My future? My destiny? Or is this my subconscious trying to kick start me back into a life with meaning and purpose. I'd always had ambition. I thrive of being successful. I enjoy it. I love it. Satisfaction. Attention. Worship. I think I need these to survive, yet I am holding myself back from these with my social retardation. Do I crave these so much I am telling myself to wake up and get out there and do I rationalise these thoughts into stimuli from the world around me? WHY DO I LOVE THIS GIRL FOR NO REASON?!
Should I go talk to her? I can I know how, and I'm cool with meeting new people and I'm really eager to meet his one. She is so intriguing. Kind of like how the Vampire likes that girl in Twilight because he can't read her mind. That's kind of what it's like. Insane random feelings for no reason - is that normal?
_____
I actually think I'm going insane. I haven't slept in 3 days. Haven't eaten at all today. I feel to surreal and in my own reality right now it's really cracking me up. I can't handle this. It's driving me nuts. I've always been able to keep on top of everything, control everything, but my life, these feelings, this feeling of being lost. I don't even know who I am. I've never discovered myself. Maybe I'm trying to invent the person I'd like to be rather than who I thought I was on the inside. What do I do? I'm actually going bat **** insane.
I don't even know the point of this any more. Just give me opinions and help, people, please. What do you make of this situation? I'm completely lost. I have no idea what's what or where to go. I have exams to revise for too. This couldn't have come at a worse time. Nor could it have come at a better time. ****! What am I doing?
My mind is running overtime. I'm constantly thinking. Thinking about 10 things at once. I start to pace as I think about everything. I keep thinking I cannot stop it. It's killing me. I keep getting these profound thoughts about everything. Myself, my life, the future, my future, how I want to live, my success. I think I have developed Megalomania. I can't stop it. I must be going crazy. All thanks to that stupid girl. She made me go mad. Or it was me. No, I need to do this. I must. Should I? Who will I be if I am successful, or if I fail and lose everything, or if I continue to be who I portray myself as now. I think I've gone crazier than when I first started writing this. That was 2 hours ago. And my stomach is really hurting. I need food but I don't want it. What is happening to me? I'm just going to flip in a minute. It's getting too much.
I keep hearing music too. And talking. But I think these are just from my Insomnia, I hope they are. I'm not a schizophrenic. But I fear I may become a Sociopath.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Doctors, mate.
Reply 2
go to bed, dude
go to bed
go to bed
Reply 3
if you wake up and are still insane then seek professional help
Reply 4
Reply 5
Mate you've got issues. Don't even know if this is serious or what. You need to get out more bruv.Reply 6
13
wow, well...good luck on your journey... then.
Reply 7
Stop wasting your time.
Reply 8
10
You should write a ******* book, but without Twilight references.
Also, I doubt you've developed Megalomania if you still consider yourself worthless >.>
Also, I doubt you've developed Megalomania if you still consider yourself worthless >.>
Reply 9
tl;dr
OMG LOLLERCOASTER U C WAT AI DID THAR I R TEH COOL INTERNETS
Rule 34: 8===D~ >#
Reply 10
BumperBo
You should write a ******* book
Is that because of the quality or quantity?
Reply 11
have a **** and carry on.
Reply 12
gman2k8 Mate you've got issues. Don't even know if this is serious or what. You need to get out more bruv.
Mate you've got issues. Don't even know if this is serious or what. You need to get out more bruv.Is that because I am unnecessarily obsessing over someone I don't know? It's because I've never had feelings like that come on so sudden for someone I don't even know, for no reason, and I cannot back them up. I just feel them for absolutely no reason and it's really ******* with me.
Reply 13
be kind rewind
Is that because I am unnecessarily obsessing over someone I don't know? It's because I've never had feelings like that come on so sudden for someone I don't even know, for no reason, and I cannot back them up. I just feel them for absolutely no reason and it's really ******* with me.
Ye man, you sound like some stalker, you need to relax things abit chillout, you cant be saying all "I think I love her" ..I mean you don't even know her, you've never even talked to her. Everything about your post is messed up man, to how you describe yourself to how you say you are gonna change next couple of months and to how you describe the girl. Like my previous post said you seriously need to go out more, get social.
Reply 14
seriously visit doctor for mental illness checkup
Reply 15
10
be kind rewind
Is that because of the quality or quantity?
Quality actually. The way you wrote it was pretty moving >.>
Reply 16
gman2k8
Ye man, you sound like some stalker, you need to relax things abit chillout, you cant be saying all "I think I love her" ..I mean you don't even know her, you've never even talked to her. Everything about your post is messed up man, to how you describe yourself to how you say you are gonna change next couple of months and to how you describe the girl. Like my previous post said you seriously need to go out more, get social.
yeah, if some guy i'd never talked to came up to me and told me he loved me and i had inspired him to change his life for the better, i'd be freaked out as all ****.
the weird obsession you have with this girl reminds me of an article i read about what it's like to have schizophrenia tbh.
Reply 17
15
you sound insane.
Reply 18
You're not in love if you've never even spoke to her. Its your penis doing some sniffing. I can tell this as the blood loss from your head has resulted in you thinking Twilight is a good place to base your notions of 'love' and 'love at first sight on'.
Now that's said and done, just go say hi. Like now. Seriously get off the computer upon reading of this line and go talk to her. Kick in her door if you want and pose in the scatter of dust and wood splinters as you do. Whatever floats your boat. But just go.
Now that's said and done, just go say hi. Like now. Seriously get off the computer upon reading of this line and go talk to her. Kick in her door if you want and pose in the scatter of dust and wood splinters as you do. Whatever floats your boat. But just go.
Reply 19
generic hybrid
yeah, if some guy i'd never talked to came up to me and told me he loved me and i had inspired him to change his life for the better, i'd be freaked out as all ****.
the weird obsession you have with this girl reminds me of an article i read about what it's like to have schizophrenia tbh.
the weird obsession you have with this girl reminds me of an article i read about what it's like to have schizophrenia tbh.
But the thing I'm confused about is that I don't find her attractive whatsoever yet I can't explain why but these immense feelings are there.
It doesn't make sense so there must be something else to it, right?
I'd like to at least get to know her which I think I will do if I see her again. Maybe it will go somewhere. I just hope she doesn't find this once we're together
Related discussions
- Cracked retainers
- Mocks
- Make it More OAP-ey !!
- How is the Latest Generation of AI Changing Student Life?
- I got her number
- How long is this heatwave in the UK going to last?
- english language paper 1 q5. Pls help
- Should I include my diagnosis on in my personal statement?
- How to be a genius in Maths entrance exam?
- Make it More Egg-ey !!
- Medicine Artefact EPQ
- personal statement help!!!
- A Week in the Life of a Year 2 Graphic Design Student at Norwich Uni Arts:
- rejected from med, what shall i do in my gap year?
- First-Year Law Results / The Bar
- A level unseen poetry
- OCR A Physics
- mark my question 5?
- journalism - cardiff or city?
- Creative writing
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 day ago
What food item are you currently craving?Last reply 3 days ago
TSR Rate My Plate: post a picture of your delicious food!Last reply 1 month ago
can u guys help me get my mum back ðŸ˜(revenge post)Last reply 1 month ago
mum FORCED me to sign a (legal?!) contract to become a doctor or face DOOR removalðŸ˜Last reply 1 month ago
HELP!!! is this normal punishment or are my parents being weird???Last reply 1 month ago
feeling of bugs crawling under my skin/never feeling cleanLast reply 2 months ago
What painkillers do they give you when you get your wisdom teeth removed?Last reply 2 months ago
Can someone please help me tag Artful_lounger, i want to ask him a question