Please Can Somebody Mark This Essay? :d Watch

bssjonny
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#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#1
Rooms can be very different from each other. Choose one of the following rooms
and describe it, so that readers can imagine it clearly:

• a classroom in your school
• an ideal room of your own
• a busy kitchen on a weekday morning
• any other room that you know well.

Mr. Henderson, with all his strength, pounded the table once more, yet the class continued to run riot. He continued to do so, until all that remained of his trademark meter ruler, was a withered old stick. His face lit up like a bonfire, and the veins in his head began to swell, surfacing upon his skin. He clenched his tattered old ruler and proceeded to the headmasters’ office. Whilst marching out the classroom, the door behind him slammed shut, and the echo of his frustrated yells resonated through the corridors.

I gazed around the classroom, watching as paper airplanes soared through the air, landing upon the heads of irritated students. The kids at the front would simply stare intensely at the page in front of them. They tried to concentrate whilst being pummelled by the never ending barrage of paper balls and empty bottles. I glanced over to Roger Barker, there in his hand he possessed a 500 page encyclopaedia, destined for the skull of Donald Peterson. As he launched it across the room, the class fell silent, the book rotated as swept through the air. Tension gripped every students face as they watched it strike Donald.

His head jolted forward, and immediately he sprung forth from his chair. He slowly turned around as the grin on Rogers face was quickly replaced by heavy sense of fear. Donald marched towards him; still the class was in complete silence. With each step he took, the sound of Rogers heart beat could be heard from across the class room. They were soon face to face; Donald never said a word. The silence continued. As Donald rolled up his fist, he dug his nails into the palm of him hand. His fist lifted slowly, ready to be unleashed. Roger quivered in fear. He begged for mercy, and as he did so, the metal handle of the classroom door began to rattle violently,

Every student returned to their place immediately as the door creaked open, allowing Mr. Johnson to march through. There they were, at the back of the class, Roger, narrowly escaping a beating. The head teacher called over. Donald’s fist slowly unravelled, as he shamefully followed Mr. Johnson out of the classroom. Roger returned to his place, as he lifted his hand to wipe away the gallons of sweat, attempting to escape his petrified body. Once again, Roger faced no punishment, nothing but the feeling of shame as he gazed round the classroom, seeing every satisfied face snigger at him.
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grace50
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The piece of text is very descriptive and uses a lot of language devices. However it does drift off subject because the question is on describing the classroom in your school and not just whats happening, but the image of the classroom. However i would give this essay a B+/A- try to link in some links to the image of the classroom in the future,
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rsp
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i think its very descriptive and draws you in , like the fact that you concentrate on particular character. but i remember when we did the descriptions for English, the golden rule was never to form a story and i think this is on the verge of becoming a story, a bit too much action? Think of it more as a freeze frame.
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Bienibon
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why are people replying on this thread? it's a year old!
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tehforum
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(Original post by dOnTtHiNkUrSmArT)
[COLOR="Black"][/COLOR]


Same reason you (and now me..damn) are.

dOnTtHiNkUrSmArT
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