iv been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and things have been going really down hill lately...the thing is iv had a really bad past with boys and its been eating our relationship away. my boyfriend demands to know everything about my past and tonight he has asked me to make a list of all the guys iv been with and what i did with them..im ashamed of it all and have really sorted myself out now, i really and truly love my boyfriend but he says he cant ever love someone like me and will never respect me, which for some crazy reason im ok with, because id rather be with him and get hurt than be without him.
i just dont know how to change this around, its not like i can go back in time and just be a better person but i know i can change for him now but apparently its not enough, the damage is done.
today i was with a couple of his friends and i think someone said something to him about my reputation from the past that triggered him off. he txted me saying he cant be with me anymore and when i asked why he said my past is affecting him too much and its hard for him to work with it because it will stay with him forever.
i love him so much, i dont want to lose him because he is literally all i have left...is there any way i can sort this out and make him happy to be with me? also he isnt in love with me which makes this all so hard because it seems easy for him to walk away whereas id be devastated.
please give me any advice possible? i know i messed around in the past but im a new person now who is mature and willing to change and most importantly iv found true love, i dont want to lose that for the world..