It’s my nineteenth birthday and I’m all alone. Watch

Anonymous #1
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I’m female, it’s my nineteenth and I feel so ******* depressed. I’ve been feeling like this since I left college last year. My college messed my CW so I had to take a gap year for them to re-submit it in the summer and then I have to take another gap year to self-study another a level because my college messed up one of my A levels – it’s a long story but it basically means I won’t go out to university until I’m 21.

On my 15th and 16th I had GCSE exams, my 17th and 18th A Level exams - the curse of being a summer baby so I never really celebrated my birthdays but I didn’t mind because I knew exams were much more important than stupid birthdays and there were always occasions after college and that’s when the real fun starts . Lo and behold it’s my nineteenth and I have nobody with me. After I left college in summer 2009 I have became a recluse I never go out – partly because I have no job, no money and partly because I made no college friends (I was very much alone at college, found it difficult to click with some of them). In the last 12months I’ve only been out the house about 20/30 times. I only have one friend my best friend since primary school but she left in October for a job miles away – now I never get to see her because of the hours she works (she’s a trainee chef – so her hours are insane). The last time I saw her was two months ago.

I thought I’d be able to handle it but when my family gave my presents earlier today it hit me how alone I am. Most teenagers would receive their presents and then get ready for the highlight of their day – going out with their friends. The highlight of the day for me was my presents and a cake which lasted all but half an hour after which everybody departed ways and I went back to my bedroom. I feel like I have wasted my youth doing jack ****.
I feel so lonely when I hear stories of people going out travelling with their mates or doing something with their lives on facebook, I just want to cry because I’m stuck in this ******** doing nothing. Day in day out I do the same repetitive **** and it just makes me want to scream so loudly, scream till I go blue in the face. I’m trying to change this unhealthy lifestyle but because I have no money I’m restricted to the odd cinema trip here or something like that. What I want more than anything is some friends I could just visit and chill with, some friends of my own age that I could just be myself with. I’m sick and tired of seeing the same faces day in day out. The only sibling I have is my sister who is 6 years older than me. I never really see her she works 9 – 5 Mon to Fri and then at the weekend she off the see her long distant boy friend. The times when I do speak to her she’s always banging on about her perfect boyfriend and the things she’s done while away on her trips, on and on and on and on she goes and I have to listen. As much as I love her it just makes me want to shoot them both.

My friend keeps reassuring me that everything will be good when I go to university but I don’t think I’ll be able to stick this out for two years. Sometimes I wake up thinking that it could be worse and that’s how I try and keep motivated other days I just can’t help but feel sad. Living like this is not healthy for me.

I just feel so ******* lost and i don’t know what to do
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amani-puresapphire
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#2
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Aww happy birthday Hmm life can suck sometimes. Just make more of an effort to make friends? My school screwed up my GCSEs (sort of ) and despite last year being hell, it paid off Urm alevels is a different story When i joined my sixth form, I didn't have much in common with alot of the people but i still made the effort and decided not to let it put me off. That also paid off because people are more interesting when they're all different. I now love my sixth form. Its different to what i would have wanted but its different in a good way Wish you the best of luck! and make people aware it's your birthday! x
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Tut.exe
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I'd celebrate it with you but im not good with parties either hah. o.O I had my 21st birthday at the heathrow airport last year... (Well I was flying to an internship) dont feel bad... life has ups and downs ^^
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rj1990
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As you probably know it will just get worse the longer you keep living this way. But I understand it is such a hard situation to get out of because your confidence must be so low.

PM me if you want to chat, I don't mind. Im really bored haha.
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OhNO!
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Living like that isn't healthy for you. You've just turned nineteen, you're young, you have no responsibility or commitment. Go and DO something! Your college have clearly screwed up, but don't think of it like that - this could be a massive opportunity for you. Go and work in America or Australia or Canada for a few months. Go and work at a ski resort. Go and live on a kibbutz. Go and work grape-picking in the South of France.

What do you want to do? Nothing's impossible. You have one A-Level to complete, that's not going to take you two years - buckle down, get it done quickly and then go and do whatever the hell you want. I'd love to have two years right now where I had no concrete plans - that's an amazing position to be in, in so many ways.
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getinthevan
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Why don't you do a foundation degree or something? Or get a job and move out, you can't just sit inside studying for two years and one A-Level won't exactly take up much time to study for!
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Vodkaslur
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The ones with the worst childhoods tend to have the most fun when adults

Which means I'm ****** but you're fine !
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dogleish
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You have to get out there and do something. Put yourself in a completely new situation and then you'll meet lots of people. Don't think that money is everything it's not. If you can't get a job? Don't worry about it. Do your own thing. Go hitchhiking and see where you end up. Live on some farm in Wales or Scotland and work for food and accomodation. Or sleep on other people's couches via couchsurfing. Explore. I know it's expensive to go on a gap year and travel to a foreign country, but everyone forgets that they have their own country they can travel in too. You'll meet so many people and you'll gain confidence and also have a lot of stories to tell when you go to uni as you can tell all your new friends about your adventures.
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OhNO!
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^ Yeah, research WWOOF - it's a great way to travel, basically for free (in exchange for work).
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Angela_Beth
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You're feeling especially bad today because it's your birthday.

Trust me, you'll feel better tomorrow.

It's so annoying about how your school have messed things up for you - maybe you could arrange to do something these two years? You could get a job, or volunteer. And travel a bit, even if only for a summer. What about Camp America? You could go away for the summer, work, earn money and make friends while you're over there. Or if you speak another language, you could go abroad and teach english for a while. There's all kinds of brilliant things you could do, I wouldn't sign these years off as a waste just yet.

It sounds pretty rough for you now OP, I hope things get better Happy Birthday.

PS Stop going on facebook. It always makes me feel worse when I'm a little depressed or worried about something.
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Olly209
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Try to get out and finish your exams and get to uni. You will make lots of friends. Try not to stay in the house so much, join a dance class, or go to the gym or something, you will feel better. Going travelling may seem to big of a step right now but take small ones and the big ones will follow. Be glad you have a best friend and a family to give you a cake and presents. Don't let life pass you by and Happy Birthday by the way - make this year a new beginning! Good Luck
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Vodkaslur
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(Original post by Angela_Beth)

PS Stop going on facebook. It always makes me feel worse when I'm a little depressed or worried about something.

Yesss ! I deleted my FB today and started going on here instead. It's really lifted a weight off my shoulders, my actual friends can bbm/ring me if they need me and I can get on with real life and trying to revise
Seriouslyyyy DELETE IT !!
xx
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Craig_D
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#13
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m female, it’s my nineteenth and I feel so ******* depressed. I’ve been feeling like this since I left college last year. My college messed my CW so I had to take a gap year for them to re-submit it in the summer and then I have to take another gap year to self-study another a level because my college messed up one of my A levels – it’s a long story but it basically means I won’t go out to university until I’m 21.

On my 15th and 16th I had GCSE exams, my 17th and 18th A Level exams - the curse of being a summer baby so I never really celebrated my birthdays but I didn’t mind because I knew exams were much more important than stupid birthdays and there were always occasions after college and that’s when the real fun starts . Lo and behold it’s my nineteenth and I have nobody with me. After I left college in summer 2009 I have became a recluse I never go out – partly because I have no job, no money and partly because I made no college friends (I was very much alone at college, found it difficult to click with some of them). In the last 12months I’ve only been out the house about 20/30 times. I only have one friend my best friend since primary school but she left in October for a job miles away – now I never get to see her because of the hours she works (she’s a trainee chef – so her hours are insane). The last time I saw her was two months ago.

I thought I’d be able to handle it but when my family gave my presents earlier today it hit me how alone I am. Most teenagers would receive their presents and then get ready for the highlight of their day – going out with their friends. The highlight of the day for me was my presents and a cake which lasted all but half an hour after which everybody departed ways and I went back to my bedroom. I feel like I have wasted my youth doing jack ****.
I feel so lonely when I hear stories of people going out travelling with their mates or doing something with their lives on facebook, I just want to cry because I’m stuck in this ******** doing nothing. Day in day out I do the same repetitive **** and it just makes me want to scream so loudly, scream till I go blue in the face. I’m trying to change this unhealthy lifestyle but because I have no money I’m restricted to the odd cinema trip here or something like that. What I want more than anything is some friends I could just visit and chill with, some friends of my own age that I could just be myself with. I’m sick and tired of seeing the same faces day in day out. The only sibling I have is my sister who is 6 years older than me. I never really see her she works 9 – 5 Mon to Fri and then at the weekend she off the see her long distant boy friend. The times when I do speak to her she’s always banging on about her perfect boyfriend and the things she’s done while away on her trips, on and on and on and on she goes and I have to listen. As much as I love her it just makes me want to shoot them both.

My friend keeps reassuring me that everything will be good when I go to university but I don’t think I’ll be able to stick this out for two years. Sometimes I wake up thinking that it could be worse and that’s how I try and keep motivated other days I just can’t help but feel sad. Living like this is not healthy for me.

I just feel so ******* lost and i don’t know what to do
:console: Try to concentrate on your goals, and be content with your life as it is. You don't need people, friends can be superficial and have motives to use you for their own gain. It's a fallacy that you can only find happiness in the company of other people, you can find it wherever you want. Besides, every cool person in history was a loner

I empathise I spent my 20th alone ... and my 19th, and 18th, 17th, 16th, 15th, 14th, 13th, 12th, 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th ... no wait, I had family over on my 8th. Seriously.
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Craig_D
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(Original post by Vodkaslur)
Yesss ! I deleted my FB today and started going on here instead. It's really lifted a weight off my shoulders, my actual friends can bbm/ring me if they need me and I can get on with real life and trying to revise
Seriouslyyyy DELETE IT !!
xx
Congratulations! I really want to delete it too ... I hate that Zuckerberg guy having access to the private information of half the world.
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Arekkusu
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m female, it’s my nineteenth and I feel so ******* depressed. I’ve been feeling like this since I left college last year. My college messed my CW so I had to take a gap year for them to re-submit it in the summer and then I have to take another gap year to self-study another a level because my college messed up one of my A levels – it’s a long story but it basically means I won’t go out to university until I’m 21.

On my 15th and 16th I had GCSE exams, my 17th and 18th A Level exams - the curse of being a summer baby so I never really celebrated my birthdays but I didn’t mind because I knew exams were much more important than stupid birthdays and there were always occasions after college and that’s when the real fun starts . Lo and behold it’s my nineteenth and I have nobody with me. After I left college in summer 2009 I have became a recluse I never go out – partly because I have no job, no money and partly because I made no college friends (I was very much alone at college, found it difficult to click with some of them). In the last 12months I’ve only been out the house about 20/30 times. I only have one friend my best friend since primary school but she left in October for a job miles away – now I never get to see her because of the hours she works (she’s a trainee chef – so her hours are insane). The last time I saw her was two months ago.

I thought I’d be able to handle it but when my family gave my presents earlier today it hit me how alone I am. Most teenagers would receive their presents and then get ready for the highlight of their day – going out with their friends. The highlight of the day for me was my presents and a cake which lasted all but half an hour after which everybody departed ways and I went back to my bedroom. I feel like I have wasted my youth doing jack ****.
I feel so lonely when I hear stories of people going out travelling with their mates or doing something with their lives on facebook, I just want to cry because I’m stuck in this ******** doing nothing. Day in day out I do the same repetitive **** and it just makes me want to scream so loudly, scream till I go blue in the face. I’m trying to change this unhealthy lifestyle but because I have no money I’m restricted to the odd cinema trip here or something like that. What I want more than anything is some friends I could just visit and chill with, some friends of my own age that I could just be myself with. I’m sick and tired of seeing the same faces day in day out. The only sibling I have is my sister who is 6 years older than me. I never really see her she works 9 – 5 Mon to Fri and then at the weekend she off the see her long distant boy friend. The times when I do speak to her she’s always banging on about her perfect boyfriend and the things she’s done while away on her trips, on and on and on and on she goes and I have to listen. As much as I love her it just makes me want to shoot them both.

My friend keeps reassuring me that everything will be good when I go to university but I don’t think I’ll be able to stick this out for two years. Sometimes I wake up thinking that it could be worse and that’s how I try and keep motivated other days I just can’t help but feel sad. Living like this is not healthy for me.

I just feel so ******* lost and i don’t know what to do
I'm not gonna say happy birthday

I know where you're coming from, my gap year didn't so much go off as a damb squib as fail to go off at all.

1. Your friend is right: when you go to university, within the first month all this **** will seem a distant memory; you won't have time to think. Don't worry on that score. Getting along with people is something we all worry about, but I find it works fine if you just chuck yourself in the deep end and uni is for that.

1 and a half. You're not going to uni till you're 21. Therefore don't try to stick it out like this, doing nothing. If you have a talent, formalise it in an activity. If you have a passion, turn it into a talent. And failing that, two magical words: COLLEGE COURSE. You can receive EMA to pay for college, and you can learn guitar, say, on a shoestring. Same goes for socialising. If you try and stick it out socially for two years, you are going to go ******* insane; let's just say I'd start stocking up on cat food now :p: Using the methods above you should meet people, and you must be positive and laid-back about socialising. Don't make it a goal cos it won't happen, trust me.

2. I feel the wasted youth and the jealousy over people with perfect relationships and/or Facebook photos. Don't dwell on that, and realise your view of them is skewed by your not being them and not experiencing their worries.

3. You have no money which is obviously a huge restrictor. So either do a college course and receive EMA/convince your parents to invest in your qualification, get a job or go on the dole.
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Vodkaslur
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Oooo Craig your before comment is sad .. Life without friends seems pointless to me, although I have been let down by many unfortunately you still need them ...

And yeahh definetely delete it you can still get it back if you want to but it's just such a relief to be free of it for a while (even if you feel like an outsider freeeeek)
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Anonymous #2
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Firstly HAPPY BIRTHDAY :bigsmile: :woo:


Secondly, you have no idea how much of a similar situation I'm in, and its that line you said that I always think about and it really gets me down: Im wasting my youth. It really feels it, but its worse because I'm 20. Both my 19 and 20th birthdays were like this, I barely even noticed it was my birthday. My parents didnt even get me any presents! My mum just baked a cake. I don't really mind, but it they did feel like really ordinary days, and friends weren't even part of it. I literally got a few texts and that was it.

I guess the difference is that I was really sociable at school, and had plenty of really good friends, I was really outgoing and happy, but things just went completely bad after it ended. Most of them went to uni, and i saw the rest sporadically for a while, but haven't seen them since like September.

Anyway I took two gap years, (Im on the second) both unintentionally, first time I didn't get the grades, second time I went to a London uni for a semester before changing my mind about degree, so I'll be 20 starting uni this september. But its not a big deal, no one will care about the age.

But yep, I've never had facebook and dont plan to have it, because in this situation it would just depress me. Seriously don't go on it till you pick yourself up and become sociable again.

The reason I've become friendless is a mixture of depression/family problems and moving hundreds and hundreds of miles away from my home town. I lost touch with my schoolfriends gradually and now they all have their own lives at uni. The biggest factor is that I moved so far (Grew up on Isle of White lol now deep in mainland) I know no-one here, its a tiny place, and I haven't managed to get work, or meet anyone at all.

My only hope is going to uni this september, but yeah, I do feel like I'm missing out on a lot, at first it was ok, it gradually drove me nuts and I became more depressed, but I've kind of gotton used to it now.
I just try to get out the house often, I go for reaaally long walks on country lanes and woods which cheer me up, and often to the library, or a cafe or something. It sounds sad, but I actually quite like it, now the weathers good, I just read loads of stuff I've always wanted to but never had the time. I've befriended the librarian at least lol.

My sisters 4 years older and she is the polar opposite of me. She's so sociable its insane, to excess I think lol. She's away at uni, but when she comes home, I hardly see her she's constantly on the phone, being bombarded on facebook etc etc. And she has a boyfriend, and she's almost finished her medicine degree and is always off on some conference or another and doing placements all over the country, and she has to do an elective this year so she's chosen Africa, somewhere I've always wanted to go. I do feel like a complete failure compared to her.

I have a little brother who's 12 and he's my lifesaver lol. We've always got on really well, and he's really lively and noisy and doesn't leave me alone, so at least its company, and he's old enough to talk to, and quite intelligent for his age. I take him out places sometimes, cinema, kick a ball around in the park etc. I pretend I hate him and find him a pain, but literally, he's my only friend atm. :rofl:

Anyway I TOTALLY sympathise, but I've managed to keep myself sane by doing random A levels, (I've done two over two years) and doing things that make me happy and occupy me. Most of all, its the prospect of uni approaching thats keeping me going, if I didn't have that, **** knows what I'd do, I'd actually be completely depressed with no hope at all. Brrr.

Anyway, if you want, I can PM you, I'll reveal myself lol, if you need to talk.

Stay strong, when things get bad, they're always bound to be followed by good things, so just stick it out, things will turn around xx
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l.arkley
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#18
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Maybe you could try looking for a job? You would earn some money plus have the opportunity of meeting people who you could be friends with. I met a great group of people at work and we hang out as a group at least a couple times a month.
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OhNO!
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(Original post by Craig_D)
:console: Try to concentrate on your goals, and be content with your life as it is. You don't need people, friends can be superficial and have motives to use you for their own gain. It's a fallacy that you can only find happiness in the company of other people, you can find it wherever you want. Besides, every cool person in history was a loner

I empathise I spent my 20th alone ... and my 19th, and 18th, 17th, 16th, 15th, 14th, 13th, 12th, 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th ... no wait, I had family over on my 8th. Seriously.
Lots of people do need others though, that's perfectly natural and healthy. Just sitting around doing very little to nothing all day is a waste of your time and a waste of your life - especially when the OP is in such a brilliant position to go off and do something exciting.

I think it's really unfortunate to think of friends as just people who are out to exploit you - that's so not true. Friendship can be one of the most enriching and rewarding experiences in life.
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lalalalalala
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Happy birthday!

Get out there, join a club or a class of some sort, maybe a dance class or a language class, do some volunteer work, try to find a job. There are loads of things out there you can do! Don't despair!
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