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Little sister...big problem?Where do I draw the line on being a big sis,a friend... watch

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    so worried about my baby sister...
    This is an extra long story so I'll sum it up extra quick!
    Im 21 and live near my mum,s.dad and rest of family.My little sister is 15,she is at school and has alot of pressure on her to do well and study hard on her music by my mother.She is very a talented musician but my mum is very strict and doesnt really let her have alot off time with friends.Approaching her 15th birthday I said she could have it at mine,felt like she deserved a break...
    Kinda regretted it,felt alot of responsibilty and stress,because her and her friends and boyfriend where drinking...and smoking weed.I was worried my mumw ould find out,but also considered that she started so young.
    The night went quite well,and although I feel guitly for allow this happening I have to balance it with the fact it is better I know so i can keep an eye on her.
    Following this I was looking around her bed and found a diary...I was very worried,as when I was her age I kept a diary snd my mum read and it pretty much ruined my life for a few years...(and I was only seeing boys)so out of concern for myself(incase my mum knew about her birthday) and her(her life would be OVER) I read some off her diary.Im now really upset,not only has she drunk and got high on previous occasions,she is also self harming...
    This hurts me most because I've done this in the past too and it breaks my heart to imagine her going through the same pain,except I want to be there for her and let her know shes not alone.
    I also came to the conclusion her boyf isnt the best guy,hes nothing terrible but his parents supply him drugs and in previous relationships been sexually active.
    I left my sister a note in her diary telling her to get rid of the diary and that I love her...
    I've told her to read it..
    But now Im really concerned for her wellfare,telling my parents is not an option,my mother would over react and make the situation worse...
    I love her to bits but Im feeling physically sick because this is unresolved.
    Please from the bottom of my heart help me
    :'(
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    I was skim reading this untill I spotted:

    (Original post by lionheartedgirl)
    and found a diary...I was very worried,as when I was her age I kept a diary snd my mum read and it pretty much ruined my life for a few years


    ... I read some of her diary.
    You're certainly not a friend at this point in my mind, no matter your intentions.
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    I would not have left evidence that I'd read her diary. Well, I wouldn't have read it in the first place, but I can see you're very concerned, I would just talk to her. Don't tell your parents.

    Share your problems, but don't be condescending or patronising. It's your sisters life, and she might have to make her own mistakes to learn. However you telling her your experiences might help.
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    (Original post by Reue)
    I was skim reading this untill I spotted:



    You're certainly not a friend at this point in my mind, no matter your intentions.
    Well considering she did it in order to gain some insight into her little sister's life, so that she could help her, i'd say her intentions were understandabe, and as she only intended to do it for her benefit, the actions of a friend.
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    Uhh, basically, tell her you went through the same kinda things when you were that age, so she can always rely on you to be a good friend and possibly answer some of the questions she has.
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    (Original post by Farooqi bean)
    Well considering she did it in order to gain some insight into her little sister's life, so that she could help her, i'd say her intentions were understandabe, and as she only intended to do it for her benefit, the actions of a friend.
    Thats no justification for the huge invasion of privacy.. especially considering op even tells us how her mum done the same and she hated it so much.
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    I don't think thats any excuse for reading your sister's diary, your mum probably had the same excuse for reading yours.

    I would tell her you'll always be there for her, or tell her how you feel and any mistakes you made, etc, but I wouldn't expect her to listen to you or trust you after you invaded her privacy like that.
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    (Original post by Reue)
    Thats no justification for the huge invasion of privacy.. especially considering op even tells us how her mum done the same and she hated it so much.
    Don’t you think that’s a bit of a precious approach to the whole situation? O.K yes, on some level it may be an invasion of privacy, but if doing so prevents a very confused and vulnerable person from causing further harm to themselves, then surely it’s justified. Or should she just allow her little sister to continue to self harm and associate with someone who is clearly a bad influence, in the name of some puerile 15 year old concept of privacy?
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    Well if you think that the guy is having a big influence on her and that she wouldnt have took drugs or anything before if it wasnt for him then i think you should talk to her about him and that she sholdnt let him influence her as he's a prick..
    You sorta blew it on reading the diary in the first place though, its not cool, especially for sisters. If you need an excuse just say you heard something about her boyfriend that worried you (drugs or something you just said) and that you just wanted to know its not true by checking her diary. Still not cool that you checked it but its better than having no reason at all to read it.
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    (Original post by Farooqi bean)
    Don’t you think that’s a bit of a precious approach to the whole situation? O.K yes, on some level it may be an invasion of privacy, but if doing so prevents a very confused and vulnerable person from causing further harm to themselves, then surely it’s justified. Or should she just allow her little sister to continue to self harm and associate with someone who is clearly a bad influence, in the name of some puerile 15 year old concept of privacy?
    She didn't have to read her sister's diary to find out what was going on her life, they've invented this thing called talking now.
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    (Original post by Reue)
    Thats no justification for the huge invasion of privacy.. especially considering op even tells us how her mum done the same and she hated it so much.
    ]
    I know this was'nt the best thing to do,but I told her about it.
    She isnt angry and she trusts me..if anything its easier for me to find out that way as she cant tell me these things herself
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    Wow...i know this subject is a very senstive issue,especially as it has happened to me...
    tbh I didnt know it was her diary,and I wouldnt have continued to read itif I wasnt concerend...it wasnt silly little things like "ohhhh i love or boy" or "la la la i have a crush..hehhehe"
    She was talking about killing herself and I cant ignore that.
    I've accepted that this may make her trust me less but shes just going to have to accept that its better i know certain things then my parents and tbh the way she wrote about me in her diary I dont think im in any danger of her hating me.
    Just try and understand that in our relationship the whole diary thing isnt the main issue....its the rest of the stuff i need help with!!!
    Thanks!
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    (Original post by kamc)
    She didn't have to read her sister's diary to find out what was going on her life, they've invented this thing called talking now.
    As OP said, her sister didn’t see able to tell her about this face to face, some people just find that too difficult, but as OP also said she wasn’t upset about it, if she’d left it until her sister initiated the conversation then she may have never told OP, and it could have developed into something far worse.

    (Original post by lionheartedgirl)
    I know this was'nt the best thing to do,but I told her about it.
    She isnt angry and she trusts me..if anything its easier for me to find out that way as she cant tell me these things herself
    OP, as someone with a little sister (who can be a complete pain i the ass) who i wouldn’t want to make any of the same mistakes as me, I’d say sit down and talk with her about what she wrote and why, is it the academic pressures? The domestic pressure? Her boyfriend? What? Reassure her you won’t tell your parents, that it’s just the two of you, and then let her explain why she's behaving in that way, you just need to take the first few steps for her.
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    (Original post by Farooqi bean)



    OP, as someone with a little sister (who can be a complete pain i the ass) who i wouldn’t want to make any of the same mistakes as me, I’d say sit down and talk with her about what she wrote and why, is it the academic pressures? The domestic pressure? Her boyfriend? What? Reassure her you won’t tell your parents, that it’s just the two of you, and then let her explain why she's behaving in that way, you just need to take the first few steps for her.
    Thanks
    Its just heard,Im so emotionally attached to her,I guess I need to stay chillllled and hopefully do the best for her.
    It justs hurts..as you can imagine to have her in pain...
    makes me think that i never want kids!LOL
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    (Original post by lionheartedgirl)
    Thanks
    Its just heard,Im so emotionally attached to her,I guess I need to stay chillllled and hopefully do the best for her.
    It justs hurts..as you can imagine to have her in pain...

    makes me think that i never want kids!LOL
    I know what you mean, my lil sister drives me to the point of insanity sometimes, but if i found out she’d ever been in such a dire situation as i may have been in, then i would want her to sit down with her sisters and explain what was going on. It may sound condescending, but the difference in my perspective and understanding about my own life, and the way others felt towards me has developed so much between 15 and 18. And i think having someone who was on my side at the time, but with a mature mindset would have helped me so much, so i think it will be a huge help for her to talk to you, someone who’s young enough to be relatable to, but old enough to give her some sensible advice.
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    (Original post by lionheartedgirl)
    so worried about my baby sister...
    This is an extra long story so I'll sum it up extra quick!
    Im 21 and live near my mum,s.dad and rest of family.My little sister is 15,she is at school and has alot of pressure on her to do well and study hard on her music by my mother.She is very a talented musician but my mum is very strict and doesnt really let her have alot off time with friends.Approaching her 15th birthday I said she could have it at mine,felt like she deserved a break...
    Kinda regretted it,felt alot of responsibilty and stress,because her and her friends and boyfriend where drinking...and smoking weed.I was worried my mumw ould find out,but also considered that she started so young.
    The night went quite well,and although I feel guitly for allow this happening I have to balance it with the fact it is better I know so i can keep an eye on her.
    Following this I was looking around her bed and found a diary...I was very worried,as when I was her age I kept a diary snd my mum read and it pretty much ruined my life for a few years...(and I was only seeing boys)so out of concern for myself(incase my mum knew about her birthday) and her(her life would be OVER) I read some off her diary.Im now really upset,not only has she drunk and got high on previous occasions,she is also self harming...
    This hurts me most because I've done this in the past too and it breaks my heart to imagine her going through the same pain,except I want to be there for her and let her know shes not alone.
    I also came to the conclusion her boyf isnt the best guy,hes nothing terrible but his parents supply him drugs and in previous relationships been sexually active.
    I left my sister a note in her diary telling her to get rid of the diary and that I love her...
    I've told her to read it..
    But now Im really concerned for her wellfare,telling my parents is not an option,my mother would over react and make the situation worse...
    I love her to bits but Im feeling physically sick because this is unresolved.
    Please from the bottom of my heart help me
    :'(
    Aww, OP, I'm so sorry.

    Honestly, if I were you, I'd try my best to help her and talk to parents as a last resort.
    I think it would be a lot harder for your sister if your parents knew. If your mom reacted very badly to you doing some of that stuff, I imagine it would be the same way for your sister.
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    (Original post by Farooqi bean)
    Don’t you think that’s a bit of a precious approach to the whole situation? O.K yes, on some level it may be an invasion of privacy, but if doing so prevents a very confused and vulnerable person from causing further harm to themselves, then surely it’s justified. Or should she just allow her little sister to continue to self harm and associate with someone who is clearly a bad influence, in the name of some puerile 15 year old concept of privacy?
    Funnily enough, most people get through their lives without others' reading their diary.

    And her boyfriend being a bad influence for smoking weed and being sexually active? :rofl: You've never been to university, have you?
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    (Original post by Farooqi bean)
    I know what you mean, my lil sister drives me to the point of insanity sometimes, but if i found out she’d ever been in such a dire situation as i may have been in, then i would want her to sit down with her sisters and explain what was going on. It may sound condescending, but the difference in my perspective and understanding about my own life, and the way others felt towards me has developed so much between 15 and 18. And i think having someone who was on my side at the time, but with a mature mindset would have helped me so much, so i think it will be a huge help for her to talk to you, someone who’s young enough to be relatable to, but old enough to give her some sensible advice.
    aw thank you,thats how I felt when I was her age..cept i had noone...so yeah
    I will talk to her tomorow and...hope it does ok!
    Thank uou
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    (Original post by paperclip)
    Funnily enough, most people get through their lives without others' reading their diary.

    And her boyfriend being a bad influence for smoking weed and being sexually active? :rofl: You've never been to university, have you?
    It’s her blood, for that I’d say reading her diary in order to help her is in the long term, justifiable. And sexually active, she’s 15, how would you feel if that was you daughter or little sister? Would that be just fine and dandy, so long as they manage to keep it from you, because you were afraid to act for fear of invading their privacy, it’s acceptable?

    (Original post by lionheartedgirl)
    aw thank you,thats how I felt when I was her age..cept i had noone...so yeah
    I will talk to her tomorow and...hope it does ok!
    Thank uou
    Yeah, god luck OP, let us know how it goes, I'm sure she'll talk to you, you're her big sis after all
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    (Original post by paperclip)
    Funnily enough, most people get through their lives without others' reading their diary.

    And her boyfriend being a bad influence for smoking weed and being sexually active? :rofl: You've never been to university, have you?
    Im at uni...and Ive had plently off sex and enough experiance with drugs thanks...shes my little sister though and 15 years old is too young to be doing these things for the wrong reasons.We have some mental illness in our family aswell so you know Id like to discourage her from smoking weed...
 
 
 
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