Controlling boyfriend issues. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#1
Anon please, in case he sees it

I actually can't believe how controlling my boyfriend is.
He won't 'let me' do anything
Examples: Wont let me go to my friends 18th which is a jacuzzi party because I will be in a bikini.
Wont let me go skydiving with a friend because I will be 'strapped with some guy on my back' and it will be 'less time seeing him' (it is a day course - and a life ambition)
& hardly ever lets me out clubbing with friends

I find it ironic because he has cheated on me (kissed another girl) but I have always been faithful.

Am I overreacting/being unfair in telling him that he is stopping me to live my life properly?

Advice please!
Oh and everything else in the relationship is pretty good, it has been going for four years... but that whole time he has been way too overprotective of me.
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 8 years ago
#2
My boyfriend's like that too. It drives me insane. Yesterday we argued because a top i wore to bed, he thought, showed too much of my boobs. He made me deactivate my facebook because he doesn't like people seeing my pictures all the time and thinks it's bad for privacy and security. He's way over protective lol. He even makes me use a new msn account which just has him on it because he wants all my attention.

everything else is good for me too i love him to bits and he looks after me and has never cheated or anything he just gets so controlling I havend decided what to do yet either/i dont know what to do.
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Tsukuyomi
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#3
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#3
Dumb him. More guys need to be laid back and care free.
I say most guys that do this are insecure
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Sakura-Chan
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#4
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#4
I would honestly have told him to do one by now.

Anyway! As it doesn't sound like you want to do that, you need to have a serious talk with him. If you've already had one, have a more serious one. It's often said that once a person has cheated (especially if they managed to keep it secret for a while) they get incredibly paranoid and overbearing because they fear the same thing will happen to them and they might not know about it for a while either.

Just put your foot down and tell him you are going to your friend's party because it's her 18th and it's a big birthday and you need some quality time with your friends. Tell him you are going skydiving because it's something you really want to do. Just tell him how overbearing he's being and that you're 100% trust worthy and if he doesn't realise this he's going to really push you away.

Just make him realise that you're not going to let him dictate what you can and can't do with regards to your friends etc.
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zjs
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#5
Report 8 years ago
#5
Tell him to grow up.
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Metropolis
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#6
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#6
have sex in the jacuzzi with the skydiving instructor
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stretch988
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#7
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#7
Break up with him! sounds like he still feels guilty about cheating on you and is scared that you will cheat.
even though yyou love him trust is a massive issue in a relationship and its your life! you should do what you want, within reason, and he should fit around and be ok with it.
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Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
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(Original post by Sakura-Chan)
I would honestly have told him to do one by now.

Anyway! As it doesn't sound like you want to do that, you need to have a serious talk with him. If you've already had one, have a more serious one. It's often said that once a person has cheated (especially if they managed to keep it secret for a while) they get incredibly paranoid and overbearing because they fear the same thing will happen to them and they might not know about it for a while either.

Just put your foot down and tell him you are going to your friend's party because it's her 18th and it's a big birthday and you need some quality time with your friends. Tell him you are going skydiving because it's something you really want to do. Just tell him how overbearing he's being and that you're 100% trust worthy and if he doesn't realise this he's going to really push you away.

Just make him realise that you're not going to let him dictate what you can and can't do with regards to your friends etc.

Thanks for long reply
We have had MANY serious talks (sigh). He kept the kissing from me for two years and lied about it when I asked him if the accusations were true.
But he knows I wouldn't cheat, had plenty of opportunities too and never have, he knows that, he SHOULD trust me, has every right to...

I have told him I am going, but then I get the big guilt trip :/

It just feels like he wants all the control, despite how unreasonable he is in getting it.
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Sakura-Chan
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for long reply
We have had MANY serious talks (sigh). He kept the kissing from me for two years and lied about it when I asked him if the accusations were true.
But he knows I wouldn't cheat, had plenty of opportunities too and never have, he knows that, he SHOULD trust me, has every right to...

I have told him I am going, but then I get the big guilt trip :/

It just feels like he wants all the control, despite how unreasonable he is in getting it.
Yeah, I've had the several times too :rolleyes: If he whines and moans, makes you feel awful for suggesting it, and almost makes you feel unreasonable for wanting to go in the first place, 9 times out of 10 he'll get his own way.

And it feels like he wants all the control because he does, and (it sounds like) he'll manipulate you as much as he can to make sure he gets it.
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Reue
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend's like that too. It drives me insane. Yesterday we argued because a top i wore to bed, he thought, showed too much of my boobs. He made me deactivate my facebook because he doesn't like people seeing my pictures all the time and thinks it's bad for privacy and security. He's way over protective lol. He even makes me use a new msn account which just has him on it because he wants all my attention.
Dear god.

And I thought people capable of using computers had at least a pinch of common sense.
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riotgrrl
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#11
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#11
Dump him, he sounds like an ass.
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Kalliope
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#12
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(Original post by Metropolis)
have sex in the jacuzzi with the skydiving instructor
seconded!
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Earl Nuce
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#13
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#13
Unless you talk to him and try to solve the problem now, it will only get worse.

He is in control of your life and preventing you doing the things you want to do. This is not a relationship.
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Angela_Beth
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#14
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#14
You shouldn't have to ask his permission to do anything.

If I were you, I'd just do what you want to. If he doesn't like it - too bad. You can't let him control everything in your life.
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whostosay
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#15
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#15
I think you should have got out of this relationship 4 years ago! I can't believe you've let him control you for 4 years!! How could you deal with it for so long and why is it suddenly an issue?? Sorry but I would dump him. xxx
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fire2burn
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#16
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#16
He wont let you go sky diving because he's afraid a man will be strapped to your back? Sounds like a control freak.

What do your friends and parents say about it?
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Anonymous #1
#17
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#17
(Original post by fire2burn)
He wont let you go sky diving because he's afraid a man will be strapped to your back? Sounds like a control freak.

What do your friends and parents say about it?
My parents don't know, I think it is too pathetic to tell them.
My friends think he is ridiculous and needs to start giving me a bit of a life back.
Like eventually he will say something like 'oh fine then, go, you don't give a **** about what I say or think anyway' = guilt guilt guilt.
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fire2burn
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
My parents don't know, I think it is too pathetic to tell them.
My friends think he is ridiculous and needs to start giving me a bit of a life back.
Like eventually he will say something like 'oh fine then, go, you don't give a **** about what I say or think anyway' = guilt guilt guilt.
You need to start standing up for yourself because he is behaving in exactly the same way a bully would. He's manipulating you for his own benefit.

Personally I think you should discuss it with your parents, it's not a pathetic subject matter at all.
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The Referee
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
My parents don't know, I think it is too pathetic to tell them.
My friends think he is ridiculous and needs to start giving me a bit of a life back.
Like eventually he will say something like 'oh fine then, go, you don't give a **** about what I say or think anyway' = guilt guilt guilt.
The phrase 'thin end of the wedge' is appropriate here. You have 2 options as far as I can see:

1. Sit him down, tell him (in no uncertain terms) that you are doing both these things. Make it crystal clear that you will not be tolerating him guilt tripping you over either of them and he needs to chill out...before he pushes you away.

2. Dump him. Given that you have had many talks before, this would be my choice but I can't tell you how to run your life.


You have to do what you believe is the best for YOU...best of luck :hugs:
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Anonymous #3
#20
Report 8 years ago
#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
My parents don't know, I think it is too pathetic to tell them.
My friends think he is ridiculous and needs to start giving me a bit of a life back.
Like eventually he will say something like 'oh fine then, go, you don't give a **** about what I say or think anyway' = guilt guilt guilt.
i get this ALL the time..then its like "oo you never listen to me"
there's a difference between listening to someones opionion and doing as they tell you..
ahhh we're gonna be over soon anyways so i don't have to put up with it for much longer.. only reason i haven't done it right away is because its too stressfull while im going through my exams
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