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Even if my boyfriend is flirting without intent, does that make it okay? watch

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    I posted a few days ago about how he'd struck up a very flirty online relationship with a girl.

    But there's girls from his uni course he's obviously quite close to...let's call her girl Sarah, likes to refer to him as her 'hubby', and Rachel sometimes texts him some strange things when she knows he's with me. First of all, I don't think he'd cheat on me. He hates that kind of thing and hates when he hears someone else has done it. But after this online relationship I was reaching the end of my tether...now pics have been uploaded from him latest uni night out. Now he's always pictured with girls on nights out, that's not it...he seems really close to these 2 in particular. There were pics of him with Rachel lying back on his lap, while he had his arm round her waist. In other pics with Sarah, it wasn't like pics you see where someone is going to take a photo so you quickly put your arm round someone...he'd clearly just been sitting with his arm around her for quite a while, it looked really couply.

    I am so hurt by this, even if it sounds stupid. He seems to act like he's single when he's out because he thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. Am I wrong to have had enough this time?
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    Any help at all would be great guys!
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    I think it sounds weird. I bet the photos look like they're his girlfriends not you. I wouldn't be cool with this. Have you met the girls? Ask to meet them if not, if he doesn't let you meet them, I'd be really worried.
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    hmm its hard to say without knowing the guy tbh because im like this with girls who I definitely don't fancy, while I have a gf. But if you're uncomfortable you should just calmly just say it bothers you a little bit.
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    If you've had enough, you've had enough. Only you know how much it's getting to you, and only you know whether you feel like he's crossed a line or not.

    I would suggest that you talk to him again though. Show him the photos, and say what exactly is upsetting you about them and see how he reacts. If you really believe that he's not the type to cheat, then just see how things go?

    It's weird how you start off saying he's really anti-cheating, and then go on to say that he's acting like a single guy when he's out - it seems like a bit of a contradiction, which one fits him best?
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    (Original post by Bluelight)
    hmm its hard to say without knowing the guy tbh because im like this with girls who I definitely don't fancy, while I have a gf. But if you're uncomfortable you should just calmly just say it bothers you a little bit.
    What, with girls sitting on your lap, with your arms round them? Just a Q btw, lol!
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    You need to speak to him about this. you might not want to but since you've said, 'He hates that kind of thing' it suggests that he'll definitely not be a fan of his own behavior once its been made apparent to him that its hurting you.
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    If you've had enough, you've had enough. Only you know how much it's getting to you, and only you know whether you feel like he's crossed a line or not.

    I would suggest that you talk to him again though. Show him the photos, and say what exactly is upsetting you about them and see how he reacts. If you really believe that he's not the type to cheat, then just see how things go?

    It's weird how you start off saying he's really anti-cheating, and then go on to say that he's acting like a single guy when he's out - it seems like a bit of a contradiction, which one fits him best?
    I know, I think one persona fits him best when he's with me, and the other when he's with them. Almost like being out with the uni friends is a different world for him. And while I feel like he's crossing the line, I don't think he thinks anything is wrong if it's not actual physical cheating. I recently had to have a word about another girl, and it seems that it's pointless to say anything because it's just the next girl after that. He didn't even seem to think he was doing anything wrong with this girl, and I know because you don't know me it's hard to judge if I'm being over-sensitive, but I definitely feel it was out of order, and I had a talk with him. But now this...I can't exactly have a word about these girls now as well, I'll just sound like a nutter and he'll probably just end up resenting me.

    Wow, that was a mouthful :eek: Thanks for your advice !
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    I don't think it's okay.

    I think you should talk to him about it.
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    (Original post by lauren-kelly)
    You need to speak to him about this. you might not want to but since you've said, 'He hates that kind of thing' it suggests that he'll definitely not be a fan of his own behavior once its been made apparent to him that its hurting you.
    Well he'd been acting out of order with this other girl lately so I had a talk with him...that was a few nights ago, and at first he thought nothing was wrong, but eventually said sorry and said 'I feel awful that you feel awful'. These new pictures with diff. girls are from last night...just seems pointless, it's not pleasant at all In all the time we've been together this has never been an issue until lately.
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    I suppose what I'm saying is I already had a talk with him a few days ago about this one girl I was talking about...so I've already told him how much it hurts me etc, really only about 2 days ago. That didn't mean, but it's alright if you do it with other girls!
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    Nah not good. It might seem like harmless fun to him, but I bet he wouldn't like it if he saw pictures of you with another guy!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well he'd been acting out of order with this other girl lately so I had a talk with him...that was a few nights ago, and at first he thought nothing was wrong, but eventually said sorry and said 'I feel awful that you feel awful'. These new pictures with diff. girls are from last night...just seems pointless, it's not pleasant at all In all the time we've been together this has never been an issue until lately.
    It's such a crap situation for you, i would be feeling the exact same! my only other approach would be through a mutual friend perhaps? if there is somebody who you are both friendly with could you perhaps talk to them about it and see if they can have a subtle word? it might be a little childish but it could be whats needed
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know, I think one persona fits him best when he's with me, and the other when he's with them. Almost like being out with the uni friends is a different world for him. And while I feel like he's crossing the line, I don't think he thinks anything is wrong if it's not actual physical cheating. I recently had to have a word about another girl, and it seems that it's pointless to say anything because it's just the next girl after that. He didn't even seem to think he was doing anything wrong with this girl, and I know because you don't know me it's hard to judge if I'm being over-sensitive, but I definitely feel it was out of order, and I had a talk with him. But now this...I can't exactly have a word about these girls now as well, I'll just sound like a nutter and he'll probably just end up resenting me.

    Wow, that was a mouthful :eek: Thanks for your advice !
    I would, and have in the past. I'd rather get it out in the open than keep it to myself and end up feeling like **** about it all the time, and just becoming a really jealous, angry mess.

    It's like, if he saw photos of you in a similar situation with another guy, what do you think he'd say? Just wondering
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    I would, and have in the past. I'd rather get it out in the open than keep it to myself and end up feeling like **** about it all the time, and just becoming a really jealous, angry mess.

    It's like, if he saw photos of you in a similar situation with another guy, what do you think he'd say? Just wondering
    I'm actually not sure he'd say anything...he can be quite a passive kind of guy and so I thought when I saw pics of girls all over him, well fair enough, maybe he's just not drawing a boundary and it's them after him. But something's changed now, he seems to be making more of a move.

    And the thing is, there was this big thing about this girl he'd randomly met and was getting really close to, and I had a word with him then. He said sorry etc...but then last weekend I was in studying and saw he was posting messages from himself via this very same girl's facebook account at some party, even after that chat we had. I then asked him about this again a few nights ago, again he was sorry but then this. Is there any point in me taking to him again? I really care about him and I'm hurt but at which point do the chances run out?
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    Ah I remember your last thread. Clearly you both have different opinions on what is acceptable within a relationship - I'd be annoyed too if I was in your position.
    It seems he already knows how this makes you feel but is continuing to do it so I really don't know what to suggest. I guess it comes down to whether you will put up with it or not.
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    I know how you feel
    and i bet that if you mention it, you feel stupid for sounding 'jealous' huh?

    you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel.
    if he carrys on, then just tell him that you think you guys need to just be friends.
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    You're insecure he's gonna shag one of them. Well he's with you.
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    You seem to be putting him in a situation of either not being himself, or not hurting you, which can be tough situation to be in. I don't get why he keeps saying sorry for stuff and then carries on doing it though. If you can't deal with it, then maybe it's a case of specifically asking him to change his behaviour - that might not go well, but it doesn't seem like it's going that well for you right now, does it?
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    Get a guy friend, and stage some almost identical poses, upload the pics, sit back, and watch his reaction.
 
 
 
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