Self distruct button... Scared I've hit it :-/ Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
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Well here I am... a 21 year old guy tapping away at his computer when we have the best weather of the year so far. I'm really struggling with things at the moment, I have finally admitted it and am seeking help from my GP but could really do with some advice from people here. I'm not looking for sympathy, I know it's down to me to get myself out of this mess & I'm determined to do so, I could just do with a bit of guidance as my head is ready to explode & I don't know who else to turn to.

Main problem is I'm so very lonely in life. I think I possibly grew up too early, moving away from my home county after just turning 18 to live on my own after finding what I thought was my perfect job. To many people my age I have it all - I live in a nice flat, have a nice car and money in the bank with zero debt and a pretty secure job with some nice benefits. Thing is the job isn't for me anymore, it has changed & I don't enjoy it one bit. I have the option of redundancy... the role has changed that much.

I HATE where I live, I've given it 3 years but I just don't want to settle here and I am not alone in thinking this place is rubbish for young people (especially gay people like me... I'm not into the whole scene thing but there isn't a single gay venue in this 'city' anymore)

I was dating the most fantastic guy and he made me really happy and I fell for him but unfortunately he ended things a few weeks back. Deep down I know it's for the best as he's in the forces and not really around much & he was a fair bit older too. I'm really missing him but added to that I'm upset about the real reason he dumped me... He didn't say it in as many words but I'm boring. I never introduced him to a single friend, not because I didn't want to but because I don't have any around here that would actually want to meet him :o: I think over the last year I have slowly been shutting my life down here. Thing is people at home have moved on too which is understandable so I don't know where I belong.

I'm now signed off work with depression, not great if I am to try & find a new job but I've got to get myself better. I need some goals, some drive because at the moment I have nothing. My diary for my entire life is blank & I'm not even exerating. I have no ties whatsoever, I could go anywhere and I have savings. I'd love to make the move to London for a few years but what I'd do there I have no idea, travelling would be great but I fear that may not be the best option for someone so lonely as me. I fear if I don't make changes now my life is going to be a complete waste...

Does anyone have any wise words?!?
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Red Blade
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#2
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Heh at least your problems aren't your fault.
Mine are my fault, my weak pathetic behaviour put me in a similar situation to what you are.
And the depression is crushing, I know how you feel. Even though the situations are so different... lol
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Double Agent
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What an incredible position you are in then. No ties, no responsibilities and a vision of how you would love your life to be. Put in place the gears of change and make every one of your goals happen within a year. Start this by making a scrap book. In it, put quotes, pictures, descriptions of how you want each area of your life to be, socially, financially, health and fitness, relationships. You need to create the vision, and know that you can achieve it. Complexity is often the only barrier to success, and successful people aren't like that accidently.
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Leon Trotsky
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If you're in such a great position financially, why don't you go on holiday to some far-flung, secluded island for three weeks and get your head in gear? That's what I'd do...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Red Blade)
Heh at least your problems aren't your fault.
Mine are my fault, my weak pathetic behaviour put me in a similar situation to what you are.
And the depression is crushing, I know how you feel. Even though the situations are so different... lol
Ofcourse it's my fault... but that doesn't matter anyhow.

As for the scrapbook idea, I think I love it. Seriously I'm going to do it. I think I'm incrediby lost in lfe at the moment and that might help me. I know I am lucky to have no ties and to be young, that's why I'm trying to figure out what to do to make the changes that will get me back on my feet so to speak before I completely ruin my youth.
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Oldernotwiser
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Life does not come to you.

You have go go out and get it.

You have to make it happen.

The more you dont,the more reclusive you become and eventually,you end up being the old man who is found stuck to the floor of some flat and who hasnt been seen by his neighbours for 3 years.

Its harsh but thats how it is. Life doesnt get any easier.

You need to get back into work and get your foot firmly back on the pedal.

If you dont,it will get worse.

People might pretend to be all touchy feely about depression but in reality,they just think your a nutter and employees get edgy about it. Its also death to your CV.
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PixieKayt
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(Original post by Oldernotwiser)
People might pretend to be all touchy feely about depression but in reality,they just think your a nutter and employees get edgy about it. Its also death to your CV.
No employer can refuse you the job based on the fact that you have depression. It's a disability & discriminating against it in terms of employment prospects lands employers with lawsuits.

Added to that, who puts that they have depression on a CV? :/


OP, you've got no attachments, go ahead and make your life wherever you want it. Whatever you want, just go for it.
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DiamondsAreForever
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I'm in practically the same situation as you apart from that it's got so bad I've started having panic attacks. I'm seeing this summer, as a way to do all the hard work, to make the next couple of years somewhat bearable. I've started driving lessons, I've got a job and hoping to get another so I'm working full time.. I'm putting money aside so I have enough for a flight to Australia and a months living expenses, and then I'm going to try get a job out there. Don't put off travelling, you get to meet so many people, staying in the same rooms, eating meals and stuff... try go with a company, like OzIntro give you the details of people who are going to be in your group, and then you can fly out together, and then you spend a week together doing surfing, etc. You could then go travelling with them, or the company helps get you a job , and you would have friends at work... I'm seriously excited for it, there is so much more to life than this tiny little microcosm that is England. Go on youtube to look at some peoples travels
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Oldernotwiser
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(Original post by PixieKayt)
No employer can refuse you the job based on the fact that you have depression. It's a disability & discriminating against it in terms of employment prospects lands employers with lawsuits.

Added to that, who puts that they have depression on a CV? :/


OP, you've got no attachments, go ahead and make your life wherever you want it. Whatever you want, just go for it.

AFAIK Depression is not a condition which is offered extra protections under the Disability Discrimination Act.

There is overt and covert discrimination.

Employers will hire the vest person for the job. Competition is often stiff and so if someone pitches up and puts that they have been off sick 6 months with depression,they may well get passed over.
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Indieboohoo
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Move to London there's loads of gay scenes, and London can be a lonely place if you make it that way.
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PixieKayt
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(Original post by Oldernotwiser)
AFAIK Depression is not a condition which is offered extra protections under the Disability Discrimination Act.

There is overt and covert discrimination.

Employers will hire the vest person for the job. Competition is often stiff and so if someone pitches up and puts that they have been off sick 6 months with depression,they may well get passed over.

"Subject to the provisions of Schedule 1, a person has a disability for the purposes of this Act if he has a physical or mental impairment which has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on his ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities" taken verbatim from the disability discriminations act.

I would say that if you've been signed off work with depression it's a mental impairment that is having a substantial and long-term adverse effect on the ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities...
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Oldernotwiser
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Indeed but with reference to the DDA 1995 Schedule 1,Section 4, Paragraph 1 it then goes on to detail what might be considered day to day activities.

Now then an impairment such as epilepsy would almost certainly attract DDA protection under the conditions described in the schedule but i'm not sure that depression would as people suffering various degrees of depression can almost certainly still carry out activities listed in Schedule 1,section4,para 1 (a) > (h)
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