im 20 btw and female. as a teen i never rly developed crushes on either sex. however, as a child and even now, i seem to care more what females think of me than males, particuarly older females, even if it be only a year or two.
though i find it hard to imagine being in a relationship with them. i dont rly like butch women and maybe the fact they lesbians fancy girls puts me off.
as a teen i was extreemly qiet and rather ugly. ive improved my look alot over the past year and been called fit by plenty of guys. one guy liked me, he was great looking with a good personality, but my own issues stopped it from going anywhere. despite my looks improving my confidence hasnt improved one bit.
i have very little experience. ive only kissed guys in clubs and that guy who fancied me. i hate the idea of being a lesbian though. something i find attractive about girls is when they have a sense of humour, like when their drunk n silly, i suppose when rly pretty straight girls show masculine traits. i find guys dull and not attracted to masculine behaviour. i also dont think im that feminime, possible androygynous, but cuz im quiet and insecure i probably come across as quite feminime.......
i do have one sexual fantasy which isb eing dominated by a man. i think i prefer a man cuz it makes more sense, and 'could happen' ......
i really wish i just had a close friend i could talk to who was in the same position and we could just go experimenting together in clubs n stuff. i feel because of the way i behaved as a child and when iwas less self-conscious, it doesnt make sense for me to be straight.
i dont have the confidence to live a lie, particuarly if i think ppl know im lying.