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Never had a girlfriend before at 17

I'm 17 and am currently taking a year out, after finishing my GCSEs last June, with pretty good results. I started college last September but hated the particular college so much and was feeling like **** everyday that I thought taking this year as my 'gap year' was a good idea. I have reapplied to another college to start again from this September, doing Maths, Physics, Geography and Statistics, and I'm gonna work really hard to get results and then University and afterwards pilot school to fulfill my dream of becoming an airline pilot. The thing is, it sounds great but I've never ever had a girlfriend before. Most of my friends are doing their A-Levels and I feel like I'm missing out. I've had two rejections in the past 9 months, the first one was so bad that my Mum considered taking me to a doctor through the summer because I was always with my head down, and I didn't really eat/sleep much, never smiled, didn't really speak much. That lasted for 4 months (awful experience never again), and then I really started liking this other girl and we had a meal at Ask, or I had one (which wasn't planned but it happened anyway, more were meant to come but none showed up). Anyway she had no idea I really liked her and on Valentine's Day I speant the whole day trying to find out her address and only found it because someone told me on Facebook. So I cycled 15km in the rain (and back) just to tell her how I felt on three pages, plus a Valentine's Card with a poem in my neatest handwriting. I saw a (1) in my Facebook account Inbox and new it was from her. It took me 7 days to pluck up the courage to read it. Sure enough, she was really nice but basically said no, at least in the words of flowers if you get what I mean. Now I just feel so bad at times and depressed and think about death a lot, not killing myself, just death. Although not as bad as last summer, as I'm gradually racking up the rejections one by one, it comes naturally. I really want to get into a loving relationship with someone, and not just a doss-off petty thing. I'm afraid when I restart college in September then there's going to be no-one and I'll just be left in the dark again for two years :frown:

. Then I'll be going on 20 and never have even been in a romantic relationship, so what the hell?!
I run 5 days a week for 25 minutes and I love running because it gets my mind off of things but at night i just can't sleep and keep thinking about bad things. I haven't logged onto Facebook for 4 months because I'm scared I'll see something to do with her which I don't want to read, and then again putting me in that state I was in last year (really I would not wish that on ANYONE no matter how mich I disliked them). Sorry for the long thread posting as Anonymous in case of more problems. Any help? :frown:

Reply 1

hannah_dru

2

Relationships aren't the be-all-and-end-all and you're only 17, that's still pretty young. Things happen at different times for people so there's no point comparing yourself to your friends. I wouldn't dwell on the rejections because it's not that many and everyone gets rejected. Think positive and keep your options open, you never know what's round the corner :smile:

Think about it this way- it's that girl's loss and you're a better person than that, don't let her take over your life so you don't log into Facebook. I'm sure you'll find someone in the end.

Posting anon only works in health and relationships btw.

Reply 2

Xenomorph v2.1

14

That's not bad at all, I had my first relationship at 18....just enjoy things the way they are now, your time will come soon enough.

Reply 3

wallflower*

11

Oh lord, another one of these.
I'm 22 and i've never had a boyfriend. There, being single at 17 doesn't look so bad now does it?

Reply 4

13542

7

By the way, you're not anonymous. And what hannah_dru said.

Reply 5

MeineJunge

wallflower*

Oh lord, another one of these.
I'm 22 and i've never had a boyfriend. There, being single at 17 doesn't look so bad now does it?

We have something In common :yep:

Reply 6

boeing737ng

OP

Saada

By the way, you're not anonymous. And what hannah_dru said.

I know I didn't know how to do it. I clicked post and realised that I made that mistake.

Reply 7

Futurdoc

Boss, don't take any of it to heart.
First and foremost, I think you're trying too hard - take it easy my brother.
If you're looking for a female, placing your facebook account into dormancy will not help. You need to log back on and start socialising again. Either delete this girl if you cannot bare it, but I would keep her there, she rejected you, it's nuttem, you need to show that you can overcome that without being bitter.
It seems that you hold relationships in very high regard - why ? What's the rush?

Reply 8

Ilovewords

10

You spend years looking for love, then when you find it, it's like a perky little elf jigging around that suddenly TURNS ON U WITH A MACHINE GUN!
so yeah, enjoy freedom.

Reply 9

OxfordGoBrach

wallflower*

Oh lord, another one of these.
I'm 22 and i've never had a boyfriend. There, being single at 17 doesn't look so bad now does it?

It's not a competition. It's just social pressure that makes people feel worse about themselves for not ever having had a partner after around 15/16. I agree, it's ridiculous but it's how it is, feelings are difficult to change sometimes.

That said, good luck to you and the OP. I wish I could help, but I myself haven't had a girlfriend either.

Reply 10

username392981

1

chill you're 17 it's not a big deal

Reply 11

JoMo1

12

Chill the hell out!

I have no idea why you got rejected the first time, but I do know why it happened the second time:

on Valentine's Day you speant the whole day trying to find out her address and only found it because someone told you on Facebook. So you cycled 15km in the rain (and back) just to tell her how you felt on three pages, plus a Valentine's Card with a poem in your neatest handwriting

It's just too try hard. You'll notice the guys in movies who make the big romantic gestures generally do it after being an arrogant sod for ages and then the gesture is a nice change of pace.

So I will repeat: Chill!

Reply 12

DarkWhite

17

I think you need to just chill about the whole thing.

Don't get so hung up on rejections - life is full of them, and not just in relationships.

Don't actively seek to find someone; the best partner will most likely be the person you passively get to know well.

When it comes to telling someone how you feel, try hard, but I think the 15k of cycling, lengthy poem and card might have been a bit too much for her, unless she really knew you well. A card with a shorter poem might've done better, and probably posted 1st class the day before :p:

I mean, I'm ever the romantic in a relationship, but it does need controlling sometimes.

But yeah, I've only really had 1 serious relationship, and a few short sort of 1-week things, and been single since the end of last year; there's no rush to get into a new one.

And trust me, you are by far not the only 17 year-old who hasn't had a relationship. It's near the end of the first year of university and I know people who still haven't, at the age of 19 and 20. It's not a big deal at all :smile:

Reply 13

ScarlettMelody

hey sounds like you're really nice guy but i think the "cycling to her house" approach won't work for many girls, for me it would be too forward. I think you're really young to be worrying about relationships so just meet new girls and don't worry about turning them into girlfriends yet. Good luck x

Reply 14

rossp100

No ideas on the relationship front, but to be an airline pilot you dont need any qualifications except your Commercial Pilot Licence. To train as an airline pilot you just need to have the money (about £50,000, depending on natural ability) , some maths/physics ability and present yourself well. Scholarships are only given out to people with perfect grades.

Source: 312 hours in the gliding log book 23 hours in the powered log book

PS Being a pilot isnt as good as it looks :- Irregular flying times, lots of time away from family, ONLY 30% OF PILOTS WITH A CPL GET A JOB IN THE AIRLINE INDUSTRY, POSTAL OR RAF/NAVY !! Imagine £50000 down the drain. Sorry about the downer.

Reply 15

Broderss

3

So what? I'm 19 and haven't had a girlfriend. You don't need a girlfriend. You can get all you want (perhaps more) from having girl friends who you chat to and spend time with and stuff and when you want sex you may either have some girl you always go to or just go out and hook up with someone.

You don't need relationships and tbh I think they're more hassle than they're worth.

Also you need to learn how to attract girls. They do not like guys getting their address off the internet and randomly cycling 15km in the rain to their house to give them a card and a poem. It's creepy and too soppy. Man up. Girls want a man not some love sick little kid.

Reply 16

boeing737ng

OP

rossp100

No ideas on the relationship front, but to be an airline pilot you dont need any qualifications except your Commercial Pilot Licence. To train as an airline pilot you just need to have the money (about £50,000, depending on natural ability) , some maths/physics ability and present yourself well. Scholarships are only given out to people with perfect grades.

Source: 312 hours in the gliding log book 23 hours in the powered log book

PS Being a pilot isnt as good as it looks :- Irregular flying times, lots of time away from family, ONLY 30% OF PILOTS WITH A CPL GET A JOB IN THE AIRLINE INDUSTRY, POSTAL OR RAF/NAVY !! Imagine £50000 down the drain. Sorry about the downer.

Hey that may be true, but what if I am in that 30%. Atlantic Airlines Coventry UK have a cadet scheme, whereby they fully fund your training to the last penny, providing you work with them for 5 years afterwards. I am determined to do well in my A-Levels, it's so sad I have made my own little plan of what I'm going to do in a Pukka Pad. But anyway, this guy got into Atlantic with a 2.1 Bachelor's Degree from Newcastle Uni, in Business & Economics. So if I work hard and get a 2.1 Physics Degree, from UCL or Nottingham or whereever, plus have A-Level grade profile AAB and C for dropped AS, and after University take two years out and work for a PPL with night rating, then I could just stand a chance, however fat it may be. You've got to take chances! I'm also bilingual so that may help? :smile:

Reply 17

boeing737ng

OP

Broderss

So what? I'm 19 and haven't had a girlfriend. You don't need a girlfriend. You can get all you want (perhaps more) from having girl friends who you chat to and spend time with and stuff and when you want sex you may either have some girl you always go to or just go out and hook up with someone.

You don't need relationships and tbh I think they're more hassle than they're worth.

Also you need to learn how to attract girls. They do not like guys getting their address off the internet and randomly cycling 15km in the rain to their house to give them a card and a poem. It's creepy and too soppy. Man up. Girls want a man not some love sick little kid.

No no I'm not like that. In January when we had all that snow I still went running in shorts and a T-shirt in 4 degrees C. Okay that wasn't to cool but I did get a lot of honks from the chavs in their cars! Anyway, time was running out and Feb. 14 was closing in, and it's not like I stalked her. I just found out her address and cycled a card to her house, posted without even knocking. In fact I told this random guy along the street to post it, because I did not want to cause her any embarrassment. It's the only way I could tell her. And after I got my response, it's not like I pestered her. NO WAY. I'm not like that. A no is a no, however bad it is. I have not talked to her since.

Reply 18

Broderss

3

boeing737ng

No no I'm not like that. In January when we had all that snow I still went running in shorts and a T-shirt in 4 degrees C. Okay that wasn't to cool but I did get a lot of honks from the chavs in their cars! Anyway, time was running out and Feb. 14 was closing in, and it's not like I stalked her. I just found out her address and cycled a card to her house, posted without even knocking. In fact I told this random guy along the street to post it, because I did not want to cause her any embarrassment. It's the only way I could tell her. And after I got my response, it's not like I pestered her. NO WAY. I'm not like that. A no is a no, however bad it is. I have not talked to her since.

You're still going to need to change your tactics, but read what I said about not needing a girlfriend. You really don't need one.

Reply 19

username163729

12

Don't worryyyy, you sound like a decent catch as long as you keep your chin up. Unfortunately you can create a vicious cycle for yourself where your depression from rejection makes you more unattractive and makes you likely to get rejected again and so on.

Just do work and be outgoing in college, you get put in so many more situations to meet girls there (and more so in uni), so all is good. I bet you'll get to the end of college and not even want a girlfriend with all the revision you have to do.

Never had a girlfriend before at 17

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