The Student Room Group

over pretective dad

Eversince my brother (whose 19) has gone off the rails about 4 ish years ago, my dad has become over protective. If it wasnn't for my mum i don't know how i would have coped so far. Like for example i asked if i could go to a concert ; his reply: " no, you'l be exposed to drugs, boys and dangerous things, and your my only daughter i don't want another wayward child - (meaning my brother)"
I'm really beginning to have enouhg of it, I hardly go out as it is because i live so far away form all my mates. Other 16 year olds go out with their mates all the time. I get treated like a 5 year old. I just wanna live my life to the full while i can, i mean im not gunna get these years of my life back am i??
I can't wait to be able to drive cause i will have so much more freedom, I know alot of people don't tell their parents and just go and do whatever, but i can't, i just dont have the guts. I always end up telling my mum what i get up to.
You're probably thinking just talk to him - I DO! Does he listen NO! We are both alike in the sense that we think we are right and everyone else is wrong, I always stand up to him unlike my mum and brother. He know's im responsible, I just don't wanna be treated like this, i wanna have freedom, i wanna go to concerts do this do that. I partly blame this for the reason why i'm kinda shy, because i havn't been giving the chance to go out and explore.
I know im lucky to have parents who care for me etc. like the way they do - but seriously sometimes i just break down in tears because grrr
What can i do - is anyone else in the same situation??
Sorry for the long post :smile:

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Reply 1
rainy_skye
Eversince my brother (whose 19) has gone off the rails about 4 ish years ago, my dad has become over protective. If it wasnn't for my mum i don't know how i would have coped so far. Like for example i asked if i could go to a concert ; his reply: " no, you'l be exposed to drugs, boys and dangerous things, and your my only daughter i don't want another wayward child - (meaning my brother)"
I'm really beginning to have enouhg of it, I hardly go out as it is because i live so far away form all my mates. Other 16 year olds go out with their mates all the time. I get treated like a 5 year old. I just wanna live my life to the full while i can, i mean im not gunna get these years of my life back am i??
I can't wait to be able to drive cause i will have so much more freedom, I know alot of people don't tell their parents and just go and do whatever, but i can't, i just dont have the guts. I always end up telling my mum what i get up to.
You're probably thinking just talk to him - I DO! Does he listen NO! We are both alike in the sense that we think we are right and everyone else is wrong, I always stand up to him unlike my mum and brother. He know's im responsible, I just don't wanna be treated like this, i wanna have freedom, i wanna go to concerts do this do that. I partly blame this for the reason why i'm kinda shy, because i havn't been giving the chance to go out and explore.
I know im lucky to have parents who care for me etc. like the way they do - but seriously sometimes i just break down in tears because grrr
What can i do - is anyone else in the same situation??
Sorry for the long post :smile:


I think if you do extremely well in school, parents will usually let you do whatever you want.
Reply 2
SlyPie
I think if you do extremely well in school, parents will usually let you do whatever you want.

lol, think again, i get good grades and hardly get in trouble, except for the odd occasion (like when i nearly blew the school up)...
Reply 3
My dad used to be overprotective... He's better now. Maybe get your mum to talk to him? Or really really wear him down, I think thats how I got round him.. He doesn't have too much control over me now, and has learnt its better to negotiate things with me than to say just straight no. I'm not saying rebel entirely, thats never good, but your mum might be a good weapon here... Also, getting upset usually gets me round my dad! He tries to overcompensate if he thinks he's being awful... Reason with him too. Explain everything you can about how safe wherever your going is, and how responcible you can be.. Maybe ask for the whole "one chance" thing, so he can see that he really can trust you (although I warn you, mess that up and it'll be worse...!!)

Everyones different though, so noone can really tell you exactly how to get round this, its just something he will grow out of though, your just his little girl still for now!
Well it seems your dad is over-compensating for what he perceives as a failure with your brother. I know you've said you've talked to him but you need to tell him and show him by your actions that you are not your brother. This isn't going to happen overnight but through a combination of telling him you're different and proving this you should be able to get past this problem in time. Pour your heart out to your mum every time you feel like crying and hopefully she'll start being more helpful. Alternatively throw numerous tantrums :biggrin: Good luck!
Reply 5
rainy_skye
What can i do - is anyone else in the same situation??
Sorry for the long post :smile:


What an awful dilemna for you. So your dad obviously cares about you - it's just that he's showing it in the wrong way. You could try telling him that as much as you love him, if he persists with this over-bearing manner - as soon as you reach 18 - he may well lose a daughter. God forbid, I hope this doesn't happen with you. I also hope someone can come up with a better suggestion.
Reply 6
My dad is really overprotective...and i mean really, and I'm 18!

Even though I'm now an adult I'm still not allowed to go to the pub (he claims it's because he doesn't like the pub owner...yeah right!) and any parties that i go to i have to go back at 11.00 at the latest ( I managed to extend it to 11.15- 15 mins whoo!)

I do get upset about it sometimes and have a good cry :bawling: but soon I'll be at uni and free! (2 weeks and 4 days to go) :rolleyes:

Your dad is probably more protective because you do well at school, because mine is. He says that I'm made for better things then partying and getting p****d because I'm clever. He want's me to focus on my education first and be a career woman and make the family proud.

He also says that he trusts me, but not others. what is it with dads and thinking that the second you step out of the house, it's a definate that you're going to get raped or killed.

Hope it works out for you xxx :hugs:
Reply 7
rainy_skye
Eversince my brother (whose 19) has gone off the rails about 4 ish years ago, my dad has become over protective. If it wasnn't for my mum i don't know how i would have coped so far. Like for example i asked if i could go to a concert ; his reply: " no, you'l be exposed to drugs, boys and dangerous things, and your my only daughter i don't want another wayward child - (meaning my brother)"

He sounds like the dad on "10 Things I Hate About You". Have you tried getting your mum to have a word with him about it?
Reply 8
rainy skye

if ur dad's unreasonable then remember one can't reason with the unreasonable.

if ur dad's irrational then remember one can't rationalise with the irrational.

in such an event, snuggerough would suggest earning ur freedom through the open door of opportunity that is eduction. Once at uni, everything will be fine. There's no point defying ur dad and jeapordising school work for half assed attempts at freedom.

on the other hand, if there is some reasonability in ur father, then reason with him.

When there is a fire, the worse thing to do is to add fuel to that fire by reacting with ur anger and frustration. U deserve some responsibility and freedom. When there is a fire add cold water with reason, and in time the fire will extinguish.
Reply 9
You are only 16...remember that.

However, you need some freedom. If talking doesn't work, try having a fit. I would probably threaten to go off the rails as well as your brother, but then again I'm an adult and have left home.

Have you tried just telling your dad that you're going to a concert? Just say "dad, I'm going to a concert tonight", and if he says no, then just keep saying "no dad, I'm going".
bad idea. the fire of her dad mixed with the fuel of her defiance will lead to an explosion.

power is not found in throwing a fit. This will reinforce the view that she is just a little kid.

Power is found in the strength and reasonability of one's argument. One can not argue against reason and logic. It's easy to dismiss a silly little fit.
Reply 11
so true - can't be behaving like a kid

however, reminders of the fact that you'll be 18 in no time and off to uni should wear him down a bit, you need to learn how to live a little before starting uni

maybe negotiate too - say he can pick you up from places at reasonable times, then he can build some confidence in letting you out

explain what effect it has on you, you want to build up your confidence with people by going out, etc, does your Dad want you to grow up a recluse
Just stay over friend's houses a lot - tis what I did.
Reply 13
wow!! yay help lol, well agreee wen my dad sees me upset he is nicer and bribes with stuff, or makes be laugh - whihc is always good. And hehe i cried this morning infront of my mum and kinda just babled (new word i think i made up) everything out so she knows now, and im guessing she will tell my dad later. So he will realise how im actually feeling.
Sash37uk - sounds exactly like my dad :biggrin: after my little outsburst thie morning i feel alot better, someitmes i do feel like if he carries on like this then when i do go uni or have more freedom from being able to drive then he will regret being the way he is beacuse he will hardly see me.
arguing with my dad is definatly the wrong thing to do, cause it woudl just end up being like a massive row lol, not very nice...
But things are looking up because i got a call and have a job interview so if all goes well that will give me some freedom :biggrin:
Hoepfully tonight my mum will talk to him, and she fully understands me which is good.
Thanx for all the advice people :biggrin:
Reply 14
ok NOW i told him bout my interview and he made a silly little comment about it so i said to him you always turn everything i say into something negative, and i stormed off, probably not the right thing to do, and then i think he was shouting but i didnt really listen, so now i've put him in a bad mood, and he will take it out on everyone else. My fault again!
Reply 15
Can I just say one thing - no matter what happens, if he lets you out at all dont abuse his trust and go and get mashed etc.
And dont risk your bond with him over going out - its not worth it. You have a father - some people dont. You've leave home in 2 yrs anway
it seems to snuggerough that u are really taking this whole episode out of proportion.

in other words, u appear to be having a teenage tantrum. chill out.
Reply 17
I got a job at 16 too, being a waitress and I think it helped a bit because he was more accepting that I was growing up and becoming more independent. But yeah he's still pretty bad! :mad:

I think my dad is worried bout me (and my twin) leaving because I'm the eldest and also he's losing 1/2 of his offspring in one go!

When you do have discussions with your dad, try to be calm and try not to storm off - it'll just confirm his thoughts that you are still a child. I know it's difficult, but speak to him and reassure him lots that this job will be good for you. Try to put in that you will save some for uni, that will just make him realise that you are mature and responsible. :smile:

Are you the only/oldest girl in your family?
Reply 18
yup im the only girl in the family, just me and my bro...
lol snuggerough - having a teenage trantum hmm don't really think so - its more like im being punished for my brothers mistakes and i've had enough of it :biggrin:
im 20 n my dad dont let me sleep over at my bf's house coz he dont like him... it sux lol but im bk at uni in 2 weeks :biggrin: