Trying to cheer up a friend who's mother just found out she has cancer

One of my best mates at uni has just discovered that her mother's got breast cancer :eek:

Luckily it was found early, so IMO I think she'll be alright, well from what I know in medical science lol. If it's under 2cm, then it's ok, right?

Anyway point is, I'm trying to comfort my friend coz she's feeling a bit upset at the moment! :frown:

Perhaps I should take her out to dinner, go see a movie, coz I think she's a bit depressed. Concerned b/c I don't want this to affect her studies :smile:

Any tips on how to cheer her up most welcome! :cool:

Thanks,

Luv Danni xox

Reply 1

Juno

20

Just be there for her.

But whatever you do, don't say anything that implies you don't believe her. My "friend" did that.

If you're worried it could affect her studies, then maybe you could help her with that. Like let her photocopy your notes and things.

Reply 2

Fleece

15

I found out my mum had cancer not long ago too...honestly, she'll just appreciate you being there for her, listening when she needs it, and just not talking about it and having fun when she needs it. sure you'll do fine.

Reply 3

Chris.

1

Don't patronise her by being all like "oh is there anything i can do to help, do you want me to make you dinner etc. etc.", if you're a mate just be normal with her but just try not to say anything which may cause an argument, basically just be there for her, there's nothing special you can do apart from that.

Reply 4

snuggerough

smile and the world will smile with u

Reply 5

hello world

1

my mum dies of breast cancer in 1990 (dont worry - im sure treatment has improved since then).

Basically. Act normally around her - and as Chris said, dont patronise her and dont make her feel like shes stopping you doing anything you want to do. Also, only bring up the subject if SHE wants to talk about it.

Hope this helps :smile:

Reply 6

HeHe

yes stick to sum of the great advice already given by the TSR members here!

Reply 7

Billistic

1

Just be yourself and in time so will she. Don't make an example out of her.

Reply 8

F. Poste

My dad died of cancer.. the best friends I had made themselves available to talk, asked occasionally how he was doing, took me out when I was feeling down, and when the worst happened, they all did little things to let me know they cared like made me a card and all signed it.

Taking her out sounds like a really nice thing to do, and she'll appreciate it :smile:

Reply 9

*katy*

most of my friends were the exact opposite when my dad died of it, they obviously thought if they ignored me then they wouldnt have to deal with the whole problem :-(
so with your friend, don't act as if nothing is wrong, but also don't be over the top about it. if she wants to talk bout it she will and if it looks like she is getting a bit down (cos things do get VERY stressful at home when someone is ill like that) you could just be there to take her out and let her relax/ shout at you :-P i yelled myself hoarse at my best friend once but she was so good about it, just let me get it out my system!

Reply 10

Adhsur

15

Awww, your friend's really lucky to have someone like you who's there for her. I think your idea of taking her out and stuff is great.

Reply 11

Né Stig

15

hello world

my mum dies of breast cancer in 1990 (dont worry - im sure treatment has improved since then).

Basically. Act normally around her - and as Chris said, dont patronise her and dont make her feel like shes stopping you doing anything you want to do. Also, only bring up the subject if SHE wants to talk about it.

Hope this helps :smile:

Couldn't of been said better.
They say everyone knows someone who has had this disease.

My Mums very good friend has it. She has 2 young daughters and a son. She has had cancer with ultimate death being the only answer after Khaemotherapy (I cant spell it) being unsuccessful.
She has now stayed alive for a lot longer than the Dr's expectations. Now been 1.5 years (and hopefully dear god a lot more; touch wood).

My Mum has learnt to be herself around her now and Mandy (cancer lady) is enjoying some of her best months. Its hard, but remember its all about your friends wishes. Don't pester her, just be there for her at all costs. A smile goes a long way. Its hard to do that sometimes as it can get deeply distressful and painful. If you do need to shed a tear on your own, make sure its on your own. I even think about it now, and its heart breaking. :smile:

Reply 12

lou p lou

2

heya, i was in the same situation last autumn- my best friends mum also had breast cancer and it was really tough. my best friend was really upset about ti and she felt guilty that she was at uni (and so away from her mum) and even thought of dropping out... all you can do is be there for her. i wrote my friend a card when she told me (we were at seperate unis) and my mum rang her mum offering support (just doing things like giving her lifts to hospital)... my friend also found that it helped them to go out (with her mum and her auntie) the night before chemo- just to the cinema or for a meal to take thier minds off it.

all you can really do is be there... it sounds kinda pathetic but it is appreciated. just make time to talk- whether it's just having lunch together more often or girly shopping days.

hope your friends mum makes a full recovery

lou xxx

Reply 13

rachj007

i think thats all really gud advice. and also - dont be offended in the slightest if she seems off with u/shouts at u/doesnt seem to appreciate ure efforts... because knowing you are there unconditionally will help her so much more. not that you would, but dont always expect a thank you. That sounds really callous and ungracious but sometimes she might forget or be preoccupied...

Reply 14

danni_bella

OP

17

Juno

Just be there for her.

But whatever you do, don't say anything that implies you don't believe her. My "friend" did that.

If you're worried it could affect her studies, then maybe you could help her with that. Like let her photocopy your notes and things.

Thanks Juno :smile:

I think she's fine actually, could be an act I dunno...

All I know is that I tried to buy her a hot chocolate today at lunch, and she refused my offer :confused:

I also noticed that she didn't say a word about her family, and neither did the rest of us (we all met up for a girly meeting :biggrin:

), but I just played along with it and tried to be as cheerful/normal as possible.

DB_x

Reply 15

danni_bella

OP

17

Chris.

Don't patronise her by being all like "oh is there anything i can do to help, do you want me to make you dinner etc. etc.", if you're a mate just be normal with her but just try not to say anything which may cause an argument, basically just be there for her, there's nothing special you can do apart from that.

Fair enough, and yeah that's what I kinda 'picked up' today at lunch - one of those *unwritten rules* :eek:

I think

Reply 16

danni_bella

OP

17

Adhsur

Awww, your friend's really lucky to have someone like you who's there for her. I think your idea of taking her out and stuff is great.

Thanks!!

You know, I'd do the same thing for you :wink:

Reply 17

Juno

20

danni_bella83

Thanks Juno :smile:

I think she's fine actually, could be an act I dunno...

All I know is that I tried to buy her a hot chocolate today at lunch, and she refused my offer :confused:

I also noticed that she didn't say a word about her family, and neither did the rest of us (we all met up for a girly meeting :biggrin:

), but I just played along with it and tried to be as cheerful/normal as possible.

DB_x

If you're there for her and it is an act then eventually she'll show you how she's really feeling.

Don't feel you have to mention her family all of the time, but maybe occasionally ask if there's any news. And don't hurriedly run to change the subject or anything if she does bring it up.

And does everyone know who needs to know? When my mum was ill I found telling people really hard (and still don't like telling people she's dead) so with her permission you could tell friends etc if they don't know yet.

Reply 18

Segat1

16

Dont make her watch stupid Mandy Moore movies like A walk to Remeber like my mate did when my dad died of lukaemia (Mandy dies of Lukaemia too, altho i was happy about that). My mate was a tool. DO NOT say "Oh I don't know how I would feel if it happened to my mum" cos I very nearly punched her. Justhang out. dont try to take her out if she doesnt want to go. let her mooch on the couch for a bit.

Reply 19

mr_bats

My mum suffered from breast cancer a few years back.

The best advice that I can give is to be there for her and make sure she knows that you're always there to lend a hand and listen.

After around 6-9 months of surgery and intensive treatment my mum has made a full recovery and now has the all clear. Talking to people and facing up to the cancer helped her through it. :smile:

Trying to cheer up a friend who's mother just found out she has cancer

Related discussions

Articles for you