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I just don't know.. eep!

Hey all,

I just don't know what's going on in my mind. I'm weird.

I'm in a relationship with a girl I've known most of my life, and from the outsider's perspective it makes me feel pretty lucky to be with her - almost 17 months with her, both going to the same uni, both doors apart in uni but recently I've been feeling really awkward and irrational.

I've been out with her family - younger cousins, brother etc, and I don't know what it is but it seems she gets on well with them, and they have more in common with me. My rational side thinks - "so, it's good to see her happy and she won't be seeing her family much in uni so that's probably why", but my irrational and selfish contrast thinks - "uh oh, she's going to notice that we don't have that much in common" and things like that. I get so stroppy, and make myself upset for no reason. Having spoken to her about a few things like this she assures me otherwise but I don't know.

Maybe it's also that lately I haven't seen much of her, alone that is. Before, during school time, we used to be with each other, playing, relaxing and having a good time each week or so, but since she's gone off and done other things I feel a bit left out and so demanding. Sure, that's probably the most selfish paragraph I've ever written, and in doing so it's making me feel queasy.

She doesn't seem so happy with me, and I feel I'm dragging her down into a boring hangout routing. Sure we try to do different things but I worry that because she's having more fun and seeming happier elsewhere that I'm holding her back maybe. I get this sorta paranoia that people, her family and friends, expect me to take her out everytime for some singing, dancing crap you see in the media - they've said it - "you're so boring, take her out" - coming from her family. I get the assumption sometimes that she may want these things, even though she's said she's happy doing what we normally do.

I feel our little tiffs and fallouts are getting worse, slowly - we're not making up immediately, she's getting more angry, i'm getting upset, i'm getting more angry, she's getting upset. Now there are good times, and great times but in my current state of mind it's locked on this self pity i'm having on something that she herself has really called trivial or nonexistant. I get stoppy when we don't make out or whatever after not seeing or being in the company of others for so long, I know that's selfish, but i just suddenly get annoyed or moody when she says "no".

I get so jealous when she's not with me, which is so clingy and selfish, but then when she's with me - even though she's giving me all this affection and love I don't know, it just feels like we're slowly growing apart. We're beginning to argue more, I'm becoming so hypocrytical and selfish, demanding and keep feelign sorry for myself - like this whole post. I can't really talk to her about this so much as it'll make her upset and that's the last thing I want, but this whole thing keeps making me confused, annoyed and upset.

On the good note, we're going to university in a few weeks and can probably be a lot closer as we'll be in the same one i guess.

Thanks for listening.

Mr Irrational lol

Reply 1

sahsum

aww, sounds as thought the fact that you're thinking about this is actually making the situation worse than it actually is! all relationships go through stages like this, and you're probably both abit anxious at the moment as it is, what with uni coming up soon. Just try and relax abit, have fun with her and stop worrying!

Reply 2

sarah1987

I'm sure talking to her rationally won't upset her too much. Communication is v important - if you can't talk about your feelings after 17 months then I would be worried about the relationship's future. Your fears do seem a little irrational, and I find that silly irrational worries are usually easily sorted out with a chat with my BF.

At uni, try not to spend loads and loads of time with her, as that may push her away more. You both need your freedom to have a social life so that when you are together you will treasure it.

Also, don't worry about not having loads in common! It isn't the most important thing!!

Finally, take her out on some special dates. Her favourite restaurant or a nice walk or something. Girls like to feel special. Sometimes when me and my BF don't go out much, it makes me feel a bit bored - easily solved by a romantic, unexpected evening.

Reply 3

Ersky

Always remember it isn't the big things you do , it's the wee things that women notice more... like when you're in her room leave a goofy note under her pillow telling her how much you love her etc. and be spontaneous more often. But most importantly speaking from experience, you got to talk it through with her, she's probably thinking that she's done something really wrong and probably doesn't want to bring it up incase it's something big and risks loosing you. Just talk it through with her and be honest, that's all you need trust and honesty!

Reply 4

bazz_the_boss

Thanks for the advice,

I try to talk to her, but she does assure me but i worry and worry for no reason. I'll try to be more spontaneous i guess. I don't know, i just feel a bit awkward when i'm with her and she's with people i don't know so/as well as she does. She tries to get me in with them but when she's off having fun which, in my perspective seems more so with them then when I'm alone, I get selfish and lonely.

I guess I should give her more room to breathe, but when she is with me we barely make out or do lovey things - I try to be romantic but she sorta gets a bit worried/stressed; I'm not sure what it is though. I probably have sexual behaviour far too much on the mind.