Will Uni get in the way? Watch

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mR_CaRL
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#1
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Ive been seeing my girl now for 8 months, and i really do love her. But, i start Uni soon and she "knows" it wont last much longer than that. She loves me too but is really worried that i will stray off- what with all the oppertunities. Also she cant understand why i would want to stay with a 17year old when i can go clubbing and drinking and what-not with a girl my own age!

I will be living at home, but intend to party regularly. And whatsmore i will be working on the weekends- leaving very little time for me and her. This is sooo frustrating because i really do love her, and will do my best to stay faithful- but im also just a man- and its easy to give into temptation.

Anyone else in/been in this situation?

Can it work out?

I really really hope it can... but im not sure it will.
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Kura1984
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I think you've answered your own question. You're clearly not committed to her and you so obviously have some wild oats to sew.

You might want to consider the possibility that she will be hurt more by a cheating boyfriend than by a truthful ex.
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sahsum
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I think if you both seriously really want it to work out then its in your control and so it should. If you're living at home you'll probably be able to see her quite alot weekday evenings, as your 1st probably won't be too heavy. Just be opitmistic about it from the off, but then the fact that she apparently "knows" it won't last is slightly negative!

p.s if you "really do love her" you won't even have to "try to be faithful" you just will be.
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pikaboo
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Indeed. If you're having doubts now these are likely to only get stronger once you're there. I've stayed in my relationship for the first year at uni away from home but I was working on the belief that we could make it work and I've been willing to make that happen.

Make the most of the rest of the holidays but let her know how you're feeling and what you intend to do at uni before you go. Then you'll be able to go off with a clear conscience and you both know where you stand.
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Nightowl
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My sister has gone right through uni with the same boyfriend who wasn't at uni, with a nightshift, so it is possible. Having said that, your unsure if you will stay truthful, so if your not certain then its best to end it now on a high note than end it with the messy outcome of cheating.
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serious narb
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In your situation I can see it working out more than most, If i'm being honest I know a lot of couples that are uni, most of them make it past 2 terms at most and then it tends to die down once you both get settled in to different ways.

I still know a good few couples who are still together however so it may be worth seing it through just to test how close you really are
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SlyPie
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Mr Carl...

You don't seem committed enough considering you mention "temptations" and choosing partying over hanging out with your gf. You may love her but you don't want to be tied down yet. So just break it off, date others, and then see what happens...
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r_raghav11
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i know that its imp to socialise when ur in uni. Do it but also allocate some time for ur gf. Surely things will work out.
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Magicam
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Well consider yourself lucky cos you're still going to be living at home. I have to try and commute back to see my girlfriend of 7 months as often as I can
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sparky18
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i have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months when i go, and he is going to come and visit me at weekends, hopefully this won't effect my social life because he can come out with me or i can go out in the week. i know your girlfriends only 17 but why can't she come out with you and your mates if your staying at home.
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sr4470
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It will work if you're both willing to make it work.
dappleddawndrawndauphin
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(Original post by sr4470)
It will work if you're both willing to make it work.
Yep it depends how much you really care for her; I do think it makes it harder though - my friend was going out with a guy 2 years older than her who went to uni, and she was devastated because he ended up breaking up with her. They couldn't keep it going long distance and he was a complete flirt anyway.You'd be in a better position living at home though.
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amie
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(Original post by mR_CaRL)
I will be living at home, but intend to party regularly. And whatsmore i will be working on the weekends- leaving very little time for me and her. This is sooo frustrating because i really do love her, and will do my best to stay faithful- but im also just a man- and its easy to give into temptation.
That sounds like a funny definition of love you've got there! I think that if you really do love her, then you won't be worried about cheating on her. You'll only want to be with her.

It sounds to me like you want this to work without having to compromise. You say you intend to party regularly and work on weekends, so where does this leave your girlfriend? You can't expect her to just sit at home waiting for you to call her when you've got a spare five minutes, its not fair on either of you. Besides, it could be said that if you actually did love her, you'd definitely try to make time for her.

If you really want this to work, you have to compromise and put in some effort. Don't be passive, and don't excuse cheating with "I'm just a man, its easy to give into temptation". If you don't think you have time for her or don't want to put in the effort, break up with her now to save you both some heartbreak later.
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Magicam
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#14
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I have been wondering this a lot myself recently. I have been with my girlfriend for 7 months but the problem is i'm not sure if deep down I actually WANT uni to get in the way. As bad as that sounds, i'm not sure if I have the will power to mainatin a long distance relationship but it seems stupid to throw it all away after this long. I don't know what to do
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Filibuster
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I kno of a guy who was with his gf whilst he was at uni and once she got to uni she dumped him saying that she wanted to enjoy her uni experience. So now he has 'wasted' 2yrs with her whilst he was at uni when he couldve been havin fun.
Moral of the story, dont have baggage.
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Helenia
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(Original post by sparky18)
i have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months when i go, and he is going to come and visit me at weekends, hopefully this won't effect my social life because he can come out with me or i can go out in the week. i know your girlfriends only 17 but why can't she come out with you and your mates if your staying at home.
Might not affect your social life; might well affect his.
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.:fluff:.
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Ive been seeing my girl now for 8 months, and i really do love her
you obviously don't "love" her that much if you're going to struggle staying faithful to her, if you're going to struggle that much i'd do the poor girl a favor and end it now before you really hurt her by cheating as it seems quite a possibility.

i'm going to uni next year and moving away with my boyfriend of 2 years to leeds hopefully, i don't even need to think twice about whether id "struggle" to stay faithful to him. i think you should sit down and talk to her, explain how your feeling.
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shay904
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(Original post by mR_CaRL)
Ive been seeing my girl now for 8 months, and i really do love her. But, i start Uni soon and she "knows" it wont last much longer than that. She loves me too but is really worried that i will stray off- what with all the oppertunities. Also she cant understand why i would want to stay with a 17year old when i can go clubbing and drinking and what-not with a girl my own age!

I will be living at home, but intend to party regularly. And whatsmore i will be working on the weekends- leaving very little time for me and her. This is sooo frustrating because i really do love her, and will do my best to stay faithful- but im also just a man- and its easy to give into temptation.

Anyone else in/been in this situation?

Can it work out?

I really really hope it can... but im not sure it will.
i feel your pain... i'm heading off to uni soon and worrying about my boyfriend of 16 months. i'm home at weekends but he doesnt live anywhere near me... it takes 2 bus journeys to get to where he lives and i'll have stuff to do over the weekends.
the best advice i could give you would be to give it a go for a while and don't end it unless you really don't see it having any chance. if you both want it to last then you'll probably pull through.
good luck.
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Hanzing
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#19
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Its A Tricky Situation, Especially for your girlfriend who is obviousy having doubts already on how long your relationship will last and wether you will stray. I think It might be a good idea for you to havea talk about it, Sit and down and discuss the options, It may help to make you see clearly what would be best for you are her and your uni experience, aswell as help elviate her doubts.
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mR_CaRL
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#20
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Thanks for the reponses, some of which were welcomed- others were just really annoying. Perhaps i didnt explain myself properly or whatever.

We do both want it to work out, so we will just try our best and if it isnt working then we will have to mutually agree to end it. She will always come first though (even before my education) and thats the main thing.
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