Favorite one liners from comedians Watch

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Fusion
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#81
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#81
people say how prison doesn't work and all prisoners reoffend upon release, NOT TRUE - look at NELSON MANDELA.
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Stick Man
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#82
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#82
Okay... that was random. :?:
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ArthurOliver
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#83
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#83
Woody Allen: I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
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killerbee
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#84
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"You fear jazz. You fear the lack of rules, the lack of boundaries. Oh look, it's a fence. But, no, it's soft."
Howard Moon - The Mighty Boosh
not really a one liner though
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Fusion
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#85
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(Original post by mdm708)
Okay... that was random. :?:
yep...nearly as random as the penguin society
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theaman
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#86
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I went up to the ice cream man, I said" Mr Whippy please".

He said "Hundreds and thousands?"

I said "No, just the one thanks".


Another one from the master - Tim Vine.
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Stick Man
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#87
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#87
I might start the shoot-Tim-Vine society. So corny! What is he, a Blue Peter presenter?

(But, I'm sure, a legend all the same).
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the bear
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#88
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Did you hear about the dyslexic exorcist ?

His mother cooked socks in Hull
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Jazzy
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#89
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#89
I was reading a book.....'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down. (you know who)
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Jazzy
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#90
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

:toofunny: :rofl:
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Lodesterre
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#91
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#91
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." - Groucho Marx.
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fr browne
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#92
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#92
Great! I love that Marx one, from the unlikliest of sources aswell.
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SketchyCanvas~
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#93
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(Original post by Jazzy)
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

:toofunny: :rofl:
:rofl:
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Mad Vlad
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#94
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"MIIIIILLLLLLTONNNN KEEEEEEEYNES - satan's layby" - Bill Bailey
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SketchyCanvas~
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#95
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'Garlic Bread?Garlic Bread? Garlic......... ................ ..............BREAD?!' Peter Kay
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Jazzy
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#96
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other 'Does this taste funny to you?'

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
:rofl:
:toofunny:
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Dude
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#97
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"You know when you've become your father when you keep a piece of wood to stir paint with"- Peter Kay

So true.
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DENNIS_MENACE
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#98
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#98
"You know when you've become your father when you keep a piece of wood to stir paint with"- Peter Kay didn't say this
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daniel_williams
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#99
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#99
" i want that one!" matt lucas as andy pipkin from little britain... such a quality show
the bear
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#100
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#100
yeh ah know
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