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Thief for a Brother

For years and years, my brother has stolen off the whole family. But it's getting worse. He's 20, and did work driving tractors and other stuff related, but for the past 2-3 months he's had no job. He won't sign on, and has just been doing the odd jobs for people to get some cash. He owes money all over the place, but fags and petrol are more important to him, so they come first. It's getting increasingly difficult for me to cope with. A few weeks ago, I left my purse in my bag in my room, with a £10 note in it. Whole family minus a brother went out for the day. Came home, and it had mysteriously gone. I want to make excuses, I want to say that maybe I lost it the night before and actually he couldn't have taken it. But I don't think thats true. Both my parents have tried, the whole screaming and shouting method. But they won't see him on the streets, and so can't kick him out. Won't kick him out. Today though, has really got to me. I left £5 in my purse in my bag. Which I stupidly left downstairs. And this morning, it's gone. He was out drinking last night, came in at a silly hour, and went in and took it. I went to confront him this morning, and he actually admitted in his sleepy/disorientated state that he'd taken it. Then came too and "what are you talking about? I haven't taken anything."

I won't lend him money anymore, because he never pays it back. When I don't lend him money, he just steals it anyway. How can I catch him out? Prove it was him, so he'd have to give it back to me? I'm really forgetful, and so don't ALWAYS remember to ALWAYS have my money with me. I can't even leave it locked in my car, as he takes the spare key and goes in anyway.

I'm leaving for uni in less than a month, and if this doesn't all get resolved before I go, I know how very unlikely it is that we'll ever have any kind of relationship again. I want to be able to trust my own brother, and I don't know how to even start. How do you make someone stop stealing from their own family?

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Reply 1

Kura1984

Well, you could use this last month to practice hiding everything before you get off to uni... that way you can catch the students out! We know how they/we acquire pens and magazines, etc! :rolleyes:

I don't think that proving him as the thief will do anything at all except diminish relationships further. It already sounds like this guy has lost all respet and I think you'd just be, well frankly, annoying him if you did that. He already knows that everyone is on his case.

My brother was just the same. He got excluded from school, didn't ever go to his Juvenile deliquent education centre. Has never signed on and has never had a proper job. But after 3 years of living this life - where he was destroying his relationships and living on found pennies - he got tired of it all and started his own little business from scratch. It definately wasn't down to any of us shouting at him!

I think he needs to be kicked out personally... he obviously doesn't know what it takesto run a home and he's treating all like s**t AND HE'S BEING REWARDED FOR IT WITH A HOME IN RETURN!!!

Reply 2

compys

get him to sign on then he can get paid to steal off you

Reply 3

piiiink

I think he needs to be kicked out. And personally, I'm more trusting of strangers who are students, than I am of him! And he did move out once. To a flat with a friend. His friend kicked him out, because even though my mother was giving him the money for his rent (jobless, again) he was spending it on other stuff. If I had a say (which for a whole week last year when he first got kicked out I did) I wouldn't let him in the house. My mum hates admitting he does any wrong. But seriously, what do I do? I can't let him keep stealing my money, I need it to live on next year! Most of its in the bank, but the odd fiver I use throughout the week.. He keeps taking! It's really not fair, and I feel even more guilty that whenever I tell my parents, they just give me the money. This is more about principles than the actual money, and my parents did nothing wrong, so shouldn't have to pay for him. But as they say, unless they leave him homeless and starving, what else can they do?

Reply 4

cherryade

difficult situation, feel rly sorry for u :frown:

just be glad ur going to uni! must be so difficult for ur parents...but theres not much they can do. either wait for him to steal something bigger from someone who reports him and see if the legal system punishes him/makes him wake up a bit or just sit it out and wait for him to grow up. some guys just wont do anything until they actually WANT to do it, so forcing him might not work. sorry i cant offer any real advice but hey have a hug :smile:

Reply 5

Trousers

If talking to him hasn't worked, all you can do is make sure you hide your cash until you go away. Make sure your parents do the same - maybe it's worth investing in a safe or a lockable box? If he can't steal money any more, he'll have to get a job.

Reply 6

giraffe24

i am in a similar situation, though he doesnt tend to steal, he gives everyone grief (would be too long and boring too type here). He's been like this since he was a teenager...he's 24 now, bever had a job that would last. I really wish my parents would kick him out, maybe then he would wake him up??

Reply 7

rainy_skye

I was in the excat situation with my brother - it was either money from my wallet or my mums purse. But alot of it was down to the fact that he was depressed and was going through alot of problems. The bets advice i can give you is too actually sit down and talk to him, ask if hes okay, is there anything apart from him having no job etc... thats going on in his life, you might not know it, but i bet there is. He's not going to forget that your his sister, but i know how you feel about not having the brother/sister realtionship there anymore. Maybe because everyone has lost all their trust in him its making him feel like crap, maybe if you begin to trust him with little things and gradually build up that trust he may even begin to improve.

How my brother over came everything was with lots of support from my parents and some hard talking to from my dad. Somebody needs to get tough with im - but i don't really think kicking him out is the best solution..

Reply 8

piiiink

I know this is classed as an "old" thread now... But he stole again from me yesterday. a few £1 coins went missing from my car. My dad called him, told him not to come home. My mum hardly spoke to me all day, and when she did eventually, she said I was a lying vindictive bitch and I just made it all up :-( Its his word against mine, and shes believed him over me, even though she's proved in the past he's stolen from me. What do I do? She hates me. She won't talk to me. I've been at a friends all day, only went home to get some clothes, and my dad just glared at me through a window. Noone spoke to me. On my way back to my friends house, I got palpatations which seemed to have been brought on by the stress (I used to get them quite regularly, investigated and told they were generally harmless). This is all starting to make me feel a bit anxious and a bit ill. My brother has been sending me texts, calling me a petty interferring slag. I don't know what to do, it feels as if I can do nothing right and everything is against me.. :-(

Reply 9

rainy_skye

Try and find good things to look forward to - going to uni, going out at the weekend. Meeting up with ya bf... Try and talk to ya mum, but don't argue with her. Have you tried talking to ya dad?? Or even a counciler?? I know it feels like everything is against you, but they will soon pick up! The past 2 years for me have been absolutly crap. but they are now looking up and they will for you too. :biggrin:

smile and do your best to think positivly...

Reply 10

piiiink

My mum doesn't wanna know. I tried talking to her today, and all I was greeted with was her trying to bring me down as much as she could. My dad has sadi I'm as bad as my brother. I might not steal, but I have "no respect" for him. I'm starting to feel really anxious about Uni. If my parents don't support me, I can't afford to go. If my mum keeps acting like she is, I can see her withdrawing all her support. I had to call in work sick tonight, and I've been hiding indoors all day. I'm scared to go out incase I see my brother, the last time we had an argument, I ended up with a huge bruise oon my arm, and a cut on my chin. Because he didn't like my attitude. And my mum watched it all , and told me it was my fault for "provoking" him.

Reply 11

giraffe24

i just avoid talking to my brother as much as possible...

the only 'proper' conversation was an (huge) argument over a year ago.

i am a bit better off in that i have a good relationship with my mum, but not so much with my dad...though nothing particuarly bad...

i dont have any proper advice, seeing as i am in a similar position as you and probably missing something :s

. there doesnt seem to be much you can do but to avoid...? at least then you wont have and arguments or fights.

Reply 12

RetiredAccount89

Hmmm, i know how the brother steals from entire family thing plays out.
my brother used to steal loads of stuff of us.

Wish i could say it played out better, he's currentyly residing at her majesties pleasure...having stolen cars and rinsed all my mothers credit cards...

Reply 13

mathsdave

How about actually hiding your money in a money box or some secret location. He can't take what he can't find. Leaving money in clear view is obviously going to tempt him if he is of that nature.

Reply 14

mathsdave

Oh and your parents are so mean.. You have a right to mention it to them, and your mum blaming you when you were beaten up by your brother is just out of order. Try not to cause any problems between family members, then go to uni and get away from it all.

Reply 15

hener

Its probably not his fault, it's probably genetic!

Reply 16

slaw

I would say just leave it for now, and don't let the relation between your parents strain any further. Hide all your money and valuables, and just try not to let him have any opportunity to steal your stuff. Eventually, your parents have to see that he steals stuff of them/others and will have to do something about it. Or maybe they don't see...in that case, you probably should just live on the campus or something..Yea...just drop the subject with your parents, and let it chill for the time.

Reply 17

indy_punk

awww.god this sounds hard.
If ur parents cant see him for who he is dont try and break ur head over it!
ur off to uni soon.it'd be so much easier...and mebbe w/ u gone ur parents may come around.sounds like everyones bein self deceptive ...*hugs* ull be ok hun.

Reply 18

L i b

No wonder you don't respect them - your brother is a thieving little **** and your mother and father are too weak to stand up to him.

Reply 19

mR_CaRL

Get a lock for your bedroom.

Simple.

Sometimes i can understand parents may be dodgy about this, but just let them know that as long as he stays, for you to stay, you need a lock. You're going to uni now and need some privacy blahblah boyfriends blahblah money stealing! MONeY stEaling!? blah blah NoT getTinG intO ****In DeBT blah blah A lock costs £5.. him stealing is costing me MiLlIoNs!

..ok maybe exadurate a lil to help your cause...

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