The Student Room Group

No sex please, we're teenagers

Not sure whether this should perhaps become this week’s discussion sticky, but definitely something worthy of discussion, I think (and I’m posting it deliberately in H&R rather than TV because I want to consider it in here with you lot).

I watched this programme on BBC2 last night and found it really quite intriguing. It took 12 15-17 year olds, some of whom were in relationships, some virgins and some who were sexually active outside of relationships, and they signed a pledge to go without sex (this includes oral and hand stuff as well as full sex) for 5 months. They meet every week to discuss how it’s affected them, their attitudes and their social situation. They also got taken away on a couple of residential trips, one which was just a weekend away, and the other a trip to America where they stayed with Christian families whose children had said they will not have sex until marriage.

The kids weren’t followed by cameras all the time, so their sticking to the pledge was based on trust, though they had to confess any “whoopsies” (as the group leader put it) at the weekly meetings. The leaders were Christians but did NOT force their beliefs on the kids; the focus was on them looking at why/with whom they had sex and what it meant to them.

The first thing that struck me was how many of them said they lost their virginity when “really drunk at a house party.” It became fairly apparent that it was not only their attitude to sex that was influencing their behaviour but also the attitude to alcohol. Few of them had really thought about it, and none of the sexually active ones interviewed seemed to find sex as anything fulfilling, rather just “something you do.” I know (from being that age!) that not everyone has quite the same views and doesn’t do the same things, but there’s no denying that there are a lot of kids who DO think that way. However, even within the first few weeks there were some of them commenting on how they felt differently after going to house parties and NOT having sex of any kind and it did seem to be changing their views.

The trip to America was more controversial for me. In the States, a large number of schools ONLY teach abstinence in sex ed. In my opinion this is completely wrong all they do is say “No sex before marriage,” there is no discussion of what sex is, how it works, its effect on relationships, contraception…it’s no surprise that kids are badly informed and that the USA has the worst teenage pregnancy rate in the Western World. I also didn’t like the evangelical service the kids were taken to three of them walked out because it just felt so alien to them, whereas one actually was very moved by it. Next week they are going to visit a Silver Ring Thing roadshow, about which I’m going to do some more research and then decide what I think.

So to everyone: -

If you did see the show, what did you think?
Do you think you could go without sex for 5 months (and if you’re in a relationship, do you think your relationship would survive without sex)?
Do you think this is a good way to get kids to re-evaluate their views on sex?

I’ll post my opinions and personal views once this has got going…

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
I wanted to watch that but I watched the Hurricaine documentary on BBC1 instead. It sounds interesting though.

I'm in a long-term relationship and I think 5 months without sex would put a big emotional strain on the relationship. It is a big part of a relationship, so no sex would be quite un natural really. And I'm not 15-17 or having random sex at house parties so I don't see any reason why I should abstain for 5 months!

I do actually think it is a good idea to get teenagers to evaluate their attitudes towards sex. Whether it actually works or not is a different matter! It would be interesting to see what happens at the end of the 5 months... they're all going to be sex starved... Why do they have virgins on the programme though?
Reply 2
Bleurgh, too much thinking!:frown:
1)damn i mean to watch it but i missed it :frown:
2)no..i mean i've gone 2 months without but that was during a long distance relationship and i didn't have a lot of choice in the matter.
3)perhaps if kids were made to realise that they don't have to have se, it would help

On the topic of the silver ring thing i watched a documentary a year or two ago. the problem i have with that is that it IS a religious thing. the silver ring they where has an inscription of some religious verse. no obv. in the US they are very religious, so it works, but over here quite simply in that format it wouldn't. they'd need to take the religious element out of it (like the other tv program did) for it to stand a chance.

I agree with waiting to have sex, it's not something that should be rushed into, i disagree with remaining a virgin till marriage but those are just my personal views :smile:

edit: http://www.silverringthing.com/index.htm
Reply 4
I watched it, and up until they went to America I thought it was informative, interesting and even a good idea. Before that point the kids - apart from not being able to have sex were free to have their own ideas and didn't have any values thrust upon them.

When they went to America the show completely and utterly fell down in my opinion, although they claim the kids were not having any ideas thurst upon them this is simply not the case. By taking them to America they put pressure on the teenagers to follow these American values which is in my opinion, unfair, unjust and completley wrong. I don't think they should have gone to America and from the looks of things its only going to get worse, the end of last nights show showed various people obviously pressurising the 12 teens into a no sex before marriage view despite claiming they were not trying to do that at all. I'll be interested to watch next week to see the extent of this pressure but already forsee that I will be disturbed by it.

As for no sex for 5 months? **** that. I really don't see the point and its too good to miss!
Reply 5
I attended school in America and I can tell you that, at least in my school, sex ed was a joke and nobody took the teacher seriously. Although I confess that teaching a subject like sex and everything that goes with it would be a difficult situation for anyone, I think that most teachers went about it entirely the wrong way and I can see why all of us walked out of class laughing, without learning a thing. In my experience, the teacher was a mean, unmarried, prude 70 year-old woman, and did not have a middle ground; it was either "dont even think about sex before you are 24 and married, or if you're going to be stupid and go to hell by doing "it" before, wear a condom." Not very informative in my point of view. I went through sex ed when I was 14, and it the experience wasn't worth the class time. I could see why a kid who doesn't have any other sources of information, knows nothing about the topic, and especially nobody else to talk to, might go and make some bad decisions.
Reply 6
Helenia
The first thing that struck me was how many of them said they lost their virginity when “really drunk at a house party.” It became fairly apparent that it was not only their attitude to sex that was influencing their behaviour but also the attitude to alcohol. Few of them had really thought about it, and none of the sexually active ones interviewed seemed to find sex as anything fulfilling, rather just “something you do.” I know (from being that age!) that not everyone has quite the same views and doesn’t do the same things, but there’s no denying that there are a lot of kids who DO think that way. However, even within the first few weeks there were some of them commenting on how they felt differently after going to house parties and NOT having sex of any kind and it did seem to be changing their views.
I reckon your first experience definitely reflects your later attitude (this was enforced by happenings to friends of mine over the last few years). I think your first experience shapes the way that you think about it, or its priority/importance in life.

Helenia
The trip to America was more controversial for me. In the States, a large number of schools ONLY teach abstinence in sex ed. In my opinion this is completely wrong all they do is say “No sex before marriage,” there is no discussion of what sex is, how it works, its effect on relationships, contraception…it’s no surprise that kids are badly informed and that the USA has the worst teenage pregnancy rate in the Western World. I also didn’t like the evangelical service the kids were taken to three of them walked out because it just felt so alien to them, whereas one actually was very moved by it. Next week they are going to visit a Silver Ring Thing roadshow, about which I’m going to do some more research and then decide what I think.
Silly backwards-minded crap teaching there. I was told a lot of things at school, doesn't mean I listened to any of them. Who's to say these kids aren't the same? Only difference is I knew my options, whereas some of these kids don't even know that. Screw the Silver Ring Thing - It's just a load of virgins or non-virgins who regret what they did. I heard something about it "converting people back to virgins again through the wisdom" from their website. Ha.

I personally think it's entertaining, and would make good viewing, but it's not going to make me re-evaluate my life. Maybe it works for these people, but a load of poncy preaching would make me angry.
Reply 7
Helenia
Not sure whether this should perhaps become this week’s discussion sticky, but definitely something worthy of discussion, I think (and I’m posting it deliberately in H&R rather than TV because I want to consider it in here with you lot).

I watched this programme on BBC2 last night and found it really quite intriguing. It took 12 15-17 year olds, some of whom were in relationships, some virgins and some who were sexually active outside of relationships, and they signed a pledge to go without sex (this includes oral and hand stuff as well as full sex) for 5 months. They meet every week to discuss how it’s affected them, their attitudes and their social situation. They also got taken away on a couple of residential trips, one which was just a weekend away, and the other a trip to America where they stayed with Christian families whose children had said they will not have sex until marriage.


There were 15yr olds admitting to being sexually active?
Reply 8
dejavu1585
I attended school in America and I can tell you that, at least in my school, sex ed was a joke and nobody took the teacher seriously. Although I confess that teaching a subject like sex and everything that goes with it would be a difficult situation for anyone, I think that most teachers went about it entirely the wrong way and I can see why all of us walked out of class laughing, without learning a thing. In my experience, the teacher was a mean, unmarried, prude 70 year-old woman, and did not have a middle ground; it was either "dont even think about sex before you are 24 and married, or if you're going to be stupid and go to hell by doing "it" before, wear a condom." Not very informative in my point of view. I went through sex ed when I was 14, and it the experience wasn't worth the class time. I could see why a kid who doesn't have any other sources of information, knows nothing about the topic, and especially nobody else to talk to, might go and make some bad decisions.


This highlights why sex education should be practiced at home.
Helenia
If you did see the show, what did you think?


I share many of the views you have, it all goes back to the alcohol culture again doesn't it?


Do you think you could go without sex for 5 months (and if you’re in a relationship, do you think your relationship would survive without sex)?


I'm not sure at all. I think sex is such an integral part of many relationships (including my own) that it would be difficult to predict what would happen individually. However, many relationships do have such periods of abstinence due to pregnancy and child-birth and many couples do cope with such events (maybe because there is so much else to do!).


Do you think this is a good way to get kids to re-evaluate their views on sex?


Despite the strong anti-reality TV position I generally have, I do actually believe this is beneficial. Why? Because it treats kids as adults, it empowers them to make decisions (as they are simply trusted to remain celebate) but it also, and more importantly, makes them take responsibility for their actions and realise the reprocussions in a supportive environment.
Reply 10
I've got mixed opinions. Originally I thought the show was meant to be promoting sex in loving, long-term relationships, which I definitely agree with (especially when as Helenia said so many seemed to be losing their virginity in flings at parties).

On the other hand I've never been impressed with the religious argument and waiting til marriage seems outdated now. After all people on average are waiting longer to get married and teenage marriage is a lot more controversial than it used to be. I'm all for reducing the rate of teenage pregnancies but getting them to have less sex is just unrealistic. To re-evaluate their views on sex more relationship advice is needed in schools and not just the biological side which doesn't seem to be helping to give kids a more mature attitude to sex.

And about abstaining from sex or any sexual contact for 5 months...hmmm, I did it for just over 2 months when I couldn't see my b/f, and as well as missing the physical part I really craved more emotional closeness and this was difficult to achieve over just communication (although had we been together in person it would have been much easier).
Reply 11
Vienna
There were 15yr olds admitting to being sexually active?
Yes, and people talking about losing their virginity, in one case at the age of 12
Reply 12
i forget it was on :frown:

I have to say from personal experience because sex hasnt been apart of any of my relationships, they dont last much beyond 3 months. I just beleive many guys seem to make a bigger deal of not getting sex from a relationship. Its like they have to leave because they aint getting any, which then comes back to the they dont love me if they dont respect my views.

I think sex has become less of a trust thing with someone you love. To something people do for the sake of comparing notes with their friends and getting a cv of experience. I believe sex has lost alot of its importance and appeal, maybe thats a good thing the barriers have come down but i think the real purpose of it has gone. Teenagers will now get it for the sake of it whether they are in love or not. If the next generation can think of casual sex as a bad thing, and loving relationship sex as a good thing, i think teenage sex may drop.
Reply 13
Helenia

So to everyone: -

If you did see the show, what did you think?
Do you think you could go without sex for 5 months (and if you’re in a relationship, do you think your relationship would survive without sex)?
Do you think this is a good way to get kids to re-evaluate their views on sex?


i watched it! :biggrin:
likewise i was really shocked at how many of them said "i lost it when i was 12....i was really drunk....it was at a house party.....dont remember much of it....it was crap" (with loads of "like, yannos" in it :wink:) admittedly i have regrets about mine, im no angel but i certainly wasnt drunk, i wldnt have sex full stop if i had been drinking. mainly cos i dont drink much anyway, due to not wanting to be out of control like that.
sorry about the off topic but yea, seems these kids rely on drink wayyyy too much, like when they went away for the weekend and someone sneaked some alcohol in. its rly bad that they cant do 2 days without drinking, and that they feel they NEED the alcohol to "loosen up" and make it "less boring".
i agree with helenia about the sex ed in america, and even to an extent here it was never really focus on the emotional side of things, just the physical and a few lessons about condoms etc.
the american religious service (?) was a bit odd. i know about the modern christian way of doing things with music and discussion as my friend converted a couple of years ago. seems like quite a nice way of doing things, if a bit in-your-face, but i thought the girl who started giggling should have been less immature and more considerate.
the silver ring thing sounds like quite a tempting idea. ive gone without sex for a year now, that was through choice because i didnt want to get involved in anything serious as i knew i wld be leaving for uni. ive never slept around, ive always thought my morals were quite high, so i felt like i couldnt really relate to the majority of the group (romance group?) i dont rly feel like i need the ring, i think my attitude is sensible and healthy but it is a good idea.
as for changing peoples views....not sure. will be interesting to see the kids at the end, see if any of them have truely changed. it is more likely to affect the people in the group, it may affect some other young people, or at least encourage them to think about it. i hope so anyway, i was really shocked by some of their attitudes, and almost felt sorry for the way they had been brought up, and the pressure they all had to drink and sleep with people at parties.
Helenia
Not sure whether this should perhaps become this week’s discussion sticky, but definitely something worthy of discussion, I think (and I’m posting it deliberately in H&R rather than TV because I want to consider it in here with you lot).

I watched this programme on BBC2 last night and found it really quite intriguing. It took 12 15-17 year olds, some of whom were in relationships, some virgins and some who were sexually active outside of relationships, and they signed a pledge to go without sex (this includes oral and hand stuff as well as full sex) for 5 months. They meet every week to discuss how it’s affected them, their attitudes and their social situation. They also got taken away on a couple of residential trips, one which was just a weekend away, and the other a trip to America where they stayed with Christian families whose children had said they will not have sex until marriage.

The kids weren’t followed by cameras all the time, so their sticking to the pledge was based on trust, though they had to confess any “whoopsies” (as the group leader put it) at the weekly meetings. The leaders were Christians but did NOT force their beliefs on the kids; the focus was on them looking at why/with whom they had sex and what it meant to them.

The first thing that struck me was how many of them said they lost their virginity when “really drunk at a house party.” It became fairly apparent that it was not only their attitude to sex that was influencing their behaviour but also the attitude to alcohol. Few of them had really thought about it, and none of the sexually active ones interviewed seemed to find sex as anything fulfilling, rather just “something you do.” I know (from being that age!) that not everyone has quite the same views and doesn’t do the same things, but there’s no denying that there are a lot of kids who DO think that way. However, even within the first few weeks there were some of them commenting on how they felt differently after going to house parties and NOT having sex of any kind and it did seem to be changing their views.

The trip to America was more controversial for me. In the States, a large number of schools ONLY teach abstinence in sex ed. In my opinion this is completely wrong all they do is say “No sex before marriage,” there is no discussion of what sex is, how it works, its effect on relationships, contraception…it’s no surprise that kids are badly informed and that the USA has the worst teenage pregnancy rate in the Western World. I also didn’t like the evangelical service the kids were taken to three of them walked out because it just felt so alien to them, whereas one actually was very moved by it. Next week they are going to visit a Silver Ring Thing roadshow, about which I’m going to do some more research and then decide what I think.

So to everyone: -

If you did see the show, what did you think?
Do you think you could go without sex for 5 months (and if you’re in a relationship, do you think your relationship would survive without sex)?
Do you think this is a good way to get kids to re-evaluate their views on sex?

I’ll post my opinions and personal views once this has got going…

i'm really annoyed, i couldn't watch it! it doesn't surprise me though, that they have lost it so young, i saw a preview and they all looked liked chavs imo :smile:
Reply 15
Mrs. Political
i'm really annoyed, i couldn't watch it! it doesn't surprise me though, that they have lost it so young, i saw a preview and they all looked liked chavs imo :smile:


there were a lot of von dutch caps and greasy ponytails....:biggrin:
Reply 16
Daveo
When they went to America the show completely and utterly fell down in my opinion, although they claim the kids were not having any ideas thurst upon them this is simply not the case. By taking them to America they put pressure on the teenagers to follow these American values which is in my opinion, unfair, unjust and completley wrong. I don't think they should have gone to America and from the looks of things its only going to get worse, the end of last nights show showed various people obviously pressurising the 12 teens into a no sex before marriage view despite claiming they were not trying to do that at all. I'll be interested to watch next week to see the extent of this pressure but already forsee that I will be disturbed by it.


I have to say I was unimpressed by the atmosphere they thrust the kids into in the States, and particularly by that pastor. While they were very rude to him, his views and his absolute refusal to listen to anything else made me have little sympathy with him. Even the Christian guy in the group felt that he was uncomfortable with it. Plus, he was just such a bad singer! Having sung in a chapel choir and heard some of the best choirs in the world, the dull crap he was belting out did NOT fill me with the Holy Spirit :wink:

As for the Silver Ring thing, when I was about 15/16 I thought it was a really good idea and was considering signing up to it, but I'm much less sure now as it doesn't actually teach you anything about sex apart from that it's A Bad Thing, which it's not, in the right context for the right people.

I just hope that on returning to the UK they return to the less Christian, more self-exploring, method of teaching. These kids are not all going to convert to Christianity, but they might be persuaded to raise their own personal moral stanards.
Reply 17
Mrs. Political
i'm really annoyed, i couldn't watch it! it doesn't surprise me though, that they have lost it so young, i saw a preview and they all looked liked chavs imo :smile:


Yeah, but there would be no point if they were all nice virgin upper-middle class girls and boys :wink:
Helenia
Yeah, but there would be no point if they were all nice virgin upper-middle class girls and boys :wink:

ay, i s'pose :smile: :smile:
Reply 19
yeh i didnt like the way it took a christian turn, forcing the kids to listen to religion. what they need to do is realise their own beliefs and morals.
did anyone else find the female leader (rachel??) REALLY patronising and preaching? she was seriously getting on my nerves acting all saint-like! :mad: