Is it over?

Ok can't believe i'm even having to think bout this (i'm not in a great state, and i really need to vent) :frown:

So i've been with my bf about a year (just coming up to) and something he said yesterday hasn't exactly filled me with hope. I don't know what to do or think. It started with heim acting "off" with me, like he was delieberatly trying to wind me up, or get some kind of reaction. Then he told me he was "bored" and yes, he meant with us amongst other thngs. He told me that if it came to it he'd rather us split up than him become a "cold hearted bastard" which he fears he may turn into and hurt me. (but if he doesn't love me why would he care if he hurt me?) like an idiot i burst into tears, but i just felt overwhelmed). I know the problem has always been i've felt stronger for him than he has for me (tho i only realsied this a month or so back). I just can't bear to think about splitting up with him. Having my heart broken again. being wrong again. Having to go through losing someone i care about again. I wanted things to be ok and for thngs to well, work.
After my ex i didn't think i'd ever meet anyone i got on as well with, let alone more. Maybe i've been an idiot for hoping this relationship has longivity. I guess its not fair on him. i'm only his second gf and i know there are things he'd probably want to experieince with other ppl, and i don't want to hold him back. Maybe he feels like that towards me too?
He did say that we should try being how we are at uni, but that its not guranteed to work which i understand. But i to know to make it work i have to change some of my attitudes to things. Sorry this is really long but having this all in my head isn't good, and i don't wnat to vent it in other ways.
Mayeb "love" is just a damn illusion. maybe i'm just not meant to be happy or whatever.
i don't want to lose him :frown:

but i really don't know what i can do. I mean if we split up maybe we'd get back togetther, maybe we just need abreak. Sorry my head is a mess and yeah sorry.

Reply 1

Cazzi

12

xXMessedUpXx

Ok can't believe i'm even having to think bout this (i'm not in a great state, and i really need to vent) :frown:

So i've been with my bf about a year (just coming up to) and something he said yesterday hasn't exactly filled me with hope. I don't know what to do or think. It started with heim acting "off" with me, like he was delieberatly trying to wind me up, or get some kind of reaction. Then he told me he was "bored" and yes, he meant with us amongst other thngs. He told me that if it came to it he'd rather us split up than him become a "cold hearted bastard" which he fears he may turn into and hurt me. (but if he doesn't love me why would he care if he hurt me?) like an idiot i burst into tears, but i just felt overwhelmed). I know the problem has always been i've felt stronger for him than he has for me (tho i only realsied this a month or so back). I just can't bear to think about splitting up with him. Having my heart broken again. being wrong again. Having to go through losing someone i care about again. I wanted things to be ok and for thngs to well, work.
After my ex i didn't think i'd ever meet anyone i got on as well with, let alone more. Maybe i've been an idiot for hoping this relationship has longivity. I guess its not fair on him. i'm only his second gf and i know there are things he'd probably want to experieince with other ppl, and i don't want to hold him back. Maybe he feels like that towards me too?
He did say that we should try being how we are at uni, but that its not guranteed to work which i understand. But i to know to make it work i have to change some of my attitudes to things. Sorry this is really long but having this all in my head isn't good, and i don't wnat to vent it in other ways.
Mayeb "love" is just a damn illusion. maybe i'm just not meant to be happy or whatever.
i don't want to lose him :frown:

but i really don't know what i can do. I mean if we split up maybe we'd get back togetther, maybe we just need abreak. Sorry my head is a mess and yeah sorry.

awwww babe all i can offer you :hugs:

lotsa hugs

all i can say is. These things happen, the best thing to do is try and be happy and occupy yourself.

You are worth it and you do deserve love. And you will find it someday, promise.And if ur really sure hes the one u wanna be with, make sure he feels the same way first before u launch urself back into it again. Maybe you do just need a break.

Everything im saying has been said before.

But ill be here for ya whatever happenes :smile:

if u wanna talk im here, i know exactly how u feel

chin up :hugs:

Reply 2

xXMessedUpXx

OP

15

I think i may have made things worse...or possibly better. i just emailed him telling him what i thought/how i felt.

I think mayeb i should give him some space. :s:

Reply 3

amie

14

xXMessedUpXx

I think i may have made things worse...or possibly better. i just emailed him telling him what i thought/how i felt.

I think mayeb i should give him some space.

You can't change what you've done now, and you can't take the email back, so you'll just have to focus on the positives of telling him how you feel :smile:

He won't be able to ignore the email (unless he's a total ass). Either he'll email back telling you what he thinks about it, or he'll call or something. Whatever happens, its started you both talking about how you feel and what's going on so you'll be able to clear the air and sort it all out. Then, whether its good or bad, at least you'll know where you stand.

If you do break up, just think about how many new people you'll meet at university! In some respects, it might even be better to start university single so you don't feel you have to 'report back' to someone, so to speak. You'll be free to do whatever the hell you want to!

If you don't break up, then yay! But it'll take some serious work to make it last so make sure you're both equally willing to compromise and put in the effort :smile:

Reply 4

xXMessedUpXx

OP

15

thank-you. my mind just feels such a mess. it completly threw me y/day. i'll live.

Reply 5

amie

14

xXMessedUpXx

thank-you. my mind just feels such a mess. it completly threw me y/day. i'll live.

I know exactly what you mean. My boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch about two years ago, and we even broke up for a while. It was probably entirely my fault, or I made it worse at least. It involved me shouting "Well if you haven't got any time for me anymore, you may as well just dump me!". It didn't go down too well...

Anyhoo, I spent an entire week wondering if he was going to break up with me, and just when I thought we were okay again, he did! Suckiest week of my life.

So I can totally empathise...its just the waiting to know where you stand which is the worst bit :smile:

Reply 6

xXMessedUpXx

OP

15

part of me thinks we need a break, he had a bad year with uni last year and i think in a way he is worried that it may happen again if i'm their. plus i think he needs to sort things out for himself. this is the sensible side of me speaking
but my slfish side just can't bear to let him go. it can't understand why this would have to happen, in short its not fair and i'm afraid i'll lose him for good. as i've already pointed out whatever happens i wont be doing the dumping.
i told him that i do understand what he was trying to say and that i love him adn whatever he decided i'll stand by him.

Reply 7

Tarts_n_Vicars

13

xXMessedUpXx

Ok can't believe i'm even having to think bout this (i'm not in a great state, and i really need to vent) :frown:

So i've been with my bf about a year (just coming up to) and something he said yesterday hasn't exactly filled me with hope. I don't know what to do or think. It started with heim acting "off" with me, like he was delieberatly trying to wind me up, or get some kind of reaction. Then he told me he was "bored" and yes, he meant with us amongst other thngs. He told me that if it came to it he'd rather us split up than him become a "cold hearted bastard" which he fears he may turn into and hurt me. (but if he doesn't love me why would he care if he hurt me?) like an idiot i burst into tears, but i just felt overwhelmed). I know the problem has always been i've felt stronger for him than he has for me (tho i only realsied this a month or so back). I just can't bear to think about splitting up with him. Having my heart broken again. being wrong again. Having to go through losing someone i care about again. I wanted things to be ok and for thngs to well, work.
After my ex i didn't think i'd ever meet anyone i got on as well with, let alone more. Maybe i've been an idiot for hoping this relationship has longivity. I guess its not fair on him. i'm only his second gf and i know there are things he'd probably want to experieince with other ppl, and i don't want to hold him back. Maybe he feels like that towards me too?
He did say that we should try being how we are at uni, but that its not guranteed to work which i understand. But i to know to make it work i have to change some of my attitudes to things. Sorry this is really long but having this all in my head isn't good, and i don't wnat to vent it in other ways.
Mayeb "love" is just a damn illusion. maybe i'm just not meant to be happy or whatever.
i don't want to lose him :frown:

but i really don't know what i can do. I mean if we split up maybe we'd get back togetther, maybe we just need abreak. Sorry my head is a mess and yeah sorry.

Maybe he's just not the one for you? Most of us have been there and it hurts like hell but it all turns out for the best in the end. Good luck with whatever happens :wink:

Reply 8

~Raven~

11

Honey, don't get all downcast yet. Worrying about it will lead to ridiculous drunken neediness, which will mean that it will end. Just try really hard (I know its sooooo difficult) to take things as they come and not try and get immediate solutions.
Maybe it is time for you guys to go your own seperate ways, but mayeb its just a rough patch. try and 'wait and see' even though it feels like torture.
Have a hug :hugs:

Reply 9

khil

15

Sometimes if someone isn't for you, he just isn't for you. It hurts like hell but it does turn out for the better, in the end, I think. You're still so young - you'll find someone. My best friend's parents didn't meet til like when they were 28 or something - and their eldest son is 22 or something, so they've been together quite some time and still going strong.

Sometimes life sucks - but you'll always have good memories whatever happens. It's better that he's telling you now. There isn't much I can say - just that I can empathise with the pain and the thought of never finding someone.

:hugs:

x million

Reply 10

saz_1989

2

Even if you split up, I promise you'll get over it, or get back together. Give him some space, let him know you love him, and let him sort his head out. Once he realises that you're there, but not forcing yourself on him, he may just come running back to you. Good luck and really don't worry. :smile:

Reply 11

Dramatic Star

2

It seems to me like he may be a little confused- I don't think there is any doubt that he loves you. Like you said, he's had a bad year at uni & something like that can put you on a real downer. :frown:

Also usually- the stereotypical 'mile stone' for a relationship to go through a rough patch is around one year so maybe it is hitting him that it is getting serious & is getting butterflies. I think you need to cut to the chase- talk to him face to face expressing your feelings. You can easily fake your emotions in an email, but it is so much harder face to face. You need to ask him if he sees the relationship going on long term. Maybe taking a temopary break is the right thing to do. Alternativly, if worse comes to worse, you will feel like absolute **** for a while :frown:

but your starting Uni so it could forsee a new start..... Anyway- talk to him.

Reply 12

xXMessedUpXx

OP

15

turns out we're better than ever :smile:

uni is working out ok

Reply 13

La Trampa

18

hey first of all loads and loads of hugs for u :hugs:

i know exactly how u feel,my bf did the same recently,not exactly the same but u know what i mean.just try to be patient n let him clear his head,maybe u guys might get back together.try to keep urself busy so u don't think about it much n try not to say nasty things to him or let out steam at him or anyone else (i'm guilty of the latter) coz u might just make things worse or u might lose mates who u need now more than ever to cheer u up. (which i am also guilty of).just be strong.more hugs xx :hugs:

Reply 14

CherryGarcia

1

You know, I have a Bf for like 2 years....NowI am doing an Au-pair in sweden and i have a girl Paolina, who is 6 yars old, so my point is that, one time, when I fighted with my Bf and was very sad, almost crying, Paolina came to me and said 'But, Diana, you are going to meet so many handsomes in your life, dont be stucked in him' AND she is just 6, I think her idea was right...
you are just 19...and may be it is not worth it to spend time with someone who dOESNT have the same feelings for you, as you have for that person...Cheer up!!!! You are JUST 19 and you are going to have soo many Bf in your life...I understand, I trully really understand how you feel now, coz I felt like this many times...it is hard for you, and all you need now it is juts time...for now try to get rid of all things that reminds you about him...and Good luck!!!! Oh, and one more thing!!! No matter what happens ALWASY BELIEVE IN LOVE, IT DOES EXISTS, AND IT IS WONDERFUL....AND IT WILL DEFINATELY COME TO YOU, SOME DAY!!!! BUT WILL COME FOR SURE!!!! :love:

Reply 15

Talya

16

Aren't you the pregnant one?

Reply 16

NakedNinja123

Hey...just as everyone else here probably has had the same thing happen it...no lie...just happened to me yesterday. My girlfriend decided that she needs a break so I agreed with it. Im not going to force someone to stay with me if they don't want to ya kno? Anyway, just make sure that your not just in love for the sake of being in love. Make sure you love him. I was guilty of just "being in love with somebody." I don't like being alone so I tried way to hard to keep somebody and ended up alone in the end. Loving for all the wrong reasons, questioning fidelity all the time, arguing about little things, etc. I agree with CherryG....make sure they love you back before you try to continue cause if they don't like you as much as you like them...this will only push them away....

Sorry to rant....waiting for my midterms results.....there's nothing around to do...

Is it over?

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