Curing Possessive Behaviour

This sounds like quite a strange thing but I need some advice... I've been with my bf for a year now and I really love him and I know he loves me. However, I’m insanely possessive and the mere thought of losing him drives me crazy. I've been used for sex before, and I’ve also been in an aggressive relationship, and now I’m finally in a decent relationship I don't want to let him go. But I don't like being so possessive. I trust him and I know he wouldn't cheat on me or anything...but any suggestions about how to lose the possessiveness because I don't want it to affect our relationship anymore....

Reply 1

Allzy87

OP

i know i should, i try but i find this sort of thing really hard, i feel that because i've found someone i really care about who's decent to me i'm bound to lose him again, just because of the way things have gone in the past, and its like i think its going to happen again

but thanks for that

Reply 2

silence

16

the cure is somewhat like a rolex robber; i just takes time. (actually i hang my head in shame with that metaphor, but nevertheless i think it's true).

Reply 3

adamu

Allzy87

This sounds like quite a strange thing but I need some advice... I've been with my bf for a year now and I really love him and I know he loves me. However, I’m insanely possessive and the mere thought of losing him drives me crazy. I've been used for sex before, and I’ve also been in an aggressive relationship, and now I’m finally in a decent relationship I don't want to let him go. But I don't like being so possessive. I trust him and I know he wouldn't cheat on me or anything...but any suggestions about how to lose the possessiveness because I don't want it to affect our relationship anymore....

believe me your not alone

its important to understand its not your fault, you have your reasons, as do everyone else.

try and change your perspective on things, think about the core of whats actually worrying you. Within lies the answer

Reply 4

Monkey_Maiden

11

Allzy87

This sounds like quite a strange thing but I need some advice... I've been with my bf for a year now and I really love him and I know he loves me. However, I’m insanely possessive and the mere thought of losing him drives me crazy. I've been used for sex before, and I’ve also been in an aggressive relationship, and now I’m finally in a decent relationship I don't want to let him go. But I don't like being so possessive. I trust him and I know he wouldn't cheat on me or anything...but any suggestions about how to lose the possessiveness because I don't want it to affect our relationship anymore....

Heya it doesn't sound strange at all, I have to admit I am pretty posessive of my bf and he does get annoyed and tells me. I feel really bad but U can't seem to cure it. Its not like hes horrible either, hes so lovely and makes me feel special. im worried because i go to uni soon and i want things to be fine and not me being all weird :rolleyes:

Reply 5

wednesburywench

2

Monkey_Maiden

Heya it doesn't sound strange at all, I have to admit I am pretty posessive of my bf and he does get annoyed and tells me. I feel really bad but U can't seem to cure it. Its not like hes horrible either, hes so lovely and makes me feel special. im worried because i go to uni soon and i want things to be fine and not me being all weird :rolleyes:

ditto!

Reply 6

Brown Eyed Girl

tbh im still possesive and nervous about loosing my bf ive been with for nearly two years...

but now i just anoy me self by doing it lmao.

i just try not to anoy him :smile:

Reply 7

Allzy87

OP

Yeah i get really irritated with myself doing it i drive myself completely up the wall....told my bf about it a bit more today and he was supportive which was good, now i just need to get it out of my system...

Reply 8

silver~planet

1

I'm yet another one in exactly the same position...
I'm terrified of losing my bf, and I'm so paranoid that when he goes out clubbing or whatever without me, he'll pull someone else. Which is ridiculous, because I know he loves me. It's even more ridiculous that I'm stubbornly being paranoid and possessive, because it annoys him (makes him feel I don't trust him...) and he wants to pull away.
Arrrgh!
Glad to know I'm not the only one though :redface:

Reply 9

Ali_04

7

silver~planet

I'm yet another one in exactly the same position...
I'm terrified of losing my bf, and I'm so paranoid that when he goes out clubbing or whatever without me, he'll pull someone else. Which is ridiculous, because I know he loves me. It's even more ridiculous that I'm stubbornly being paranoid and possessive, because it annoys him (makes him feel I don't trust him...) and he wants to pull away.
Arrrgh!
Glad to know I'm not the only one though :redface:

wow- ditto! its bad cos he thinks i'm just trying to invent things to make the relationship fail but i've tried explaining the reasons i feel like i do (previous relationship experience etc.) and he still doesn't really get it! dya reckon its just a girl thing that we're meant to be possessive?

Reply 10

Emily-Sarah

1

This is hard to accept, but the more possessive you are the higher the risk of losing him. Just imagine it the other way round. I know that this doesn't make it the slightest bit easier though.
I think the only thing you can do is - like other people have said - try to focus on other things to take your mind off it and give him a little space, and just give it time till your trust grows back. Nobody will expect you to be trusting straight away if it's been abused in the past. Least of all someone who loves you and understands you - he'll know that it'll take time for you to be less possessive.

Reply 11

silver~planet

1

Ali_04

wow- ditto! its bad cos he thinks i'm just trying to invent things to make the relationship fail but i've tried explaining the reasons i feel like i do (previous relationship experience etc.) and he still doesn't really get it! dya reckon its just a girl thing that we're meant to be possessive?

Yeah my bf thinks the same, like I'm always trying to pick fights with him, which is rubbish. I just like to talk things out rather than let them build up inside - honesty is the best policy and all that (though at the moment, I'm trying to let things go over my head a bit more to stop all the horrible arguments). A lot of girls do get possessive, but then again some blokes do as well... At least it shows we love them!!

Reply 12

lilsk8achic666

I was possessive til I nearly lost my bf then I thought, well ok if I lose you it'll hurt me REALLY badly but I'll live, and I started thinking differently about him. We have more time apart now but we're closer. It's going to be hard with the change of going to uni but I'm just taking each day as it comes. I don't worry about the future any more. :smile:

Reply 13

AngelofnoColour

14

when you've found the cure, please tell me it.

Reply 14

ChemistBoy

16

Have you talked to your bf about it? See what his opinion is, or has this been sparked off by an argument?

Reply 15

twiga

15

This is going to sound so strange but I cured my posessive behavior by getting a bar job! Having to work on a Friday and Saturday night meant I had no time to think about what he was doing when he was out with his friends. Usually I'd go out with them and it would drive me mad if he was talking to one of the girls, but now I don't even think about it because I'm so busy!

Reply 16

CrispyDuck

1

wednesburywench

ditto!

:dito:

lol

Reply 17

sweetbutsimple

Does he do anything to make you need to be possessive or jealous. If so is he really worth it?

Curing Possessive Behaviour

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