The Student Room Group

Friend being off

Basically, since some of my friends found out more about me of late, I've come to learn more about who some of them really are and how sodding shallow some of them are.

So, basically my best friend [since childhood, but in 6th form we drifted] knew I was returning from holiday and sunday. I texted him when I got back, no reply. No reply on monday or tuesday. I texted him wednesday and thursday, no reply. He just came on MSN so I decided to open up a conversation.

The only response I got was "Hi". Then about 5 minutes later he went offline.

It's so crap because me and this friend used to talk so so much - we could always find something to talk about. Now, having not spoken to him since, well, the 22nd August properly, he isn't even interested in my holiday, how I am etc.

This has all come since he found out about my sexuality. He told me at the time he had no problem with it at all. But now I feel uncomfortable around him at times, and I always feel like he's trying to mock me etc, and he often looks at me in a pitying, smug and smirking way. It's horrible.

This year has been such an eye opener in terms of who real friends are for me.

Have others experienced this sort of thing?

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Reply 1
Yes, I had a friend just liek hat, only mine wouldn't let go of me, he thought mocking me was fun. Bottom line - your too good for him. stick with people who respect you as muc as you respect them (I hate that word, but it was necessary).

People change, too quickly. You have to move on and put him behind you - unless he talks to you again, but if he does, don't take any crap, remember you don't HAVE to be with him. Hope this helps.

Andy xx
Reply 2
If he doesn't accept and respect you for what you are, then he's not a genuine friend. He's not worth your respect.
Reply 3
I'm not sure whether your friend is like this, but i cannot stand lads who are just like, think they are proper men, like your arm burshes psts them accidently and there like "hey, stop trying to touch me" What is it with people thinking that the only way they can be a man is that they do not stand any closer than 5 foot near another bloke. Well, it is time to wake up and realise that the only thing that actually seperates men and women are different sexual organs. Not whether there hormones are attracted to someone else...

Reply 4
Probably not on as big a scale as you, but when I was having family problems (my parents split up, we became estranged from my dad for a while...yada yada) and I tried to tell my closest friends about it they completely didn't know how to react. Usually they'd just stare and treat me like I was something to be pitied and I couldn't stand that, it was like they couldn't be themselves around me.

I'm sure no friends mean to make us lonelier by doing this but it's their problem and not ours, they just either need time to accept something they haven't encountered much of before or if they can't, they aren't real friends and not worth bothering with. All I can suggest is to set aside the issue for the moment, don't bring it up yet and try and remind your friends of what you all have in common, maybe go out and do something you both like. I never confronted my friends about how their manner changed towards me and eventually they did return to normal, and I really hope yours do the same :smile:
Reply 5
That's really bad, maybe he just doesn't realise how he's treating you. Everyone deserves a second chance and if you've been friends this long I'm sure it's something you don't want to throw away. If you coming out is the only thing you think could have triggered his behaviour then clearly that is the reason he's being like this. Perhaps you could try sending an e-mail (if you know he checks it regularly) if he's being difficult to contact. It might be an easier way of explaining things to him without missing anything out. Tell him how you feel about both your sexuality and his reaction to it. Give him some time for what you've said to sink in and then see if he wants to meet up to discuss it. If this is the problem then it's best to get it out in the open.

If he still has a problem, then as hard as it might be to accept - he's just not worth it.

Your sexuality is part of who you are and he needs to deal with it. But it is only a part and it's nothing that you should feel you should put up with being put down for.

Good luck with it all xx
Reply 6
Well, thanks for all the comments people.

To be honest, all my friends and I are going our separate ways in a couple of weeks anyway. We're gonna be about 700 miles apart at uni, so I would imagine the friendship will draw to a complete close then :frown:
Reply 7
Ah that'll be hard, just treasure the good memories and forget the last few months. I feel entitled here to qote a song from the musical Chicago:

"So as we play in life's ballet, we're not the dying swans, we just move on,
we move on."
forget him move on
Reply 9
I don't know how people can be so dismissive. I would never be able to let a close friend go without a fight.
Reply 10
I want us to remain friends, I don't want to part on flat terms. But meh, I can't be bothered to fight to keep a friend who a) isn't interested and b) is going away anyway.
red_roadkill


Have others experienced this sort of thing?

kinda.....but not as in telling them im gay......ok i'll shut up now
Reply 12
Give him another chance, it's possible that he's just nervous about how to react and so worried about giving off negative messages that he's not saying anything... thereby giving off negative messages.
Reply 13
But he doesn't need to act any differently around me. I'm still me.
Reply 14
Yes, but that's easier said than done.
Reply 15
red_roadkill, it seems that he is the one with the problem, not you. I know it's difficult, but if I was you, I'd not force him to be mates...ok that came out wrong. What I mean is, you should not be doing all the running, its him that has a problem and if you aren't mates anymore, it's his loss, not yours! I mean, do you really want a friend where you're constantly worried about how you act and what you say when you're around them? Just remember that you're fantastic, and he's the one losing out on being mates with such a fab guy. When you go to Uni you'll make heaps of new friends, who like you for who you are, and you probably won't think about him as much. Just maybe give it a bit time when you've both started Uni and send him a text/email to see how he's getting on, with a bit of luck he might have matured by then and reply, and you could become mates again, but it would be because he's changed, not you, as you don't need to.

Anyway sorry for the long thread, and sorry if it doesn't make much sense, I'm tired!

Good Luck anyway whatever you decide to do :hugs:
Reply 16
Forget him. You'll make much better friends at uni I promise.

I have experienced a similar thing. Once I got to Cambridge, a lot of my old friends didn't want to know me any more. They probably thought I think I'm too good for them; well if they act like that, then I am! And so are you!
Reply 17
:frown:

I just told my friend that we need to meet up/see each other before we go off to uni [he goes on saturday, I go Monday] and the response......."im not fussed".

Quite, heartbreaking actually. If Im honest.
If he's not bothered, then why should you?

He's being mean! And not what a genuine friend should be like!
Reply 19
I'm bothered and upset because this basically confirms the end of our friendship and I totally didn't want it. It's such a damn shame. I don't dislike/hate him, I pity him.