The 5 questions most feared by men, and the correct responses. Watch

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Eru Iluvatar
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1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: " I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Football. b. Golf. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include: a. Oh Yeah, [email protected]*-loads. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include: a. Yes, but you have a better personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age d. Define pretty e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat").
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. WOMAN: - - - silence - - - MAN: Sh&%.


http://www.liskey.com/ShowArticle.asp?ArticleID=2788
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Infinity
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(Original post by Iluvatar)
1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: " I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Football. b. Golf. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"
And my response to that answer would have to be.... Bull****! Now tell me what you were really thinking!
Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include: a. Oh Yeah, [email protected]*-loads. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me?
Hmmm, perhaps, if his tone of voice was convincing.

Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
A safer bet would be the classic... "OMG Did you see that ad on tv it said "shoe sale buy one pair get two free!""
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include: a. Yes, but you have a better personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age d. Define pretty e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Ehhhh, wrong! The correct answer would be "She who? Where?"
Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat").
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. WOMAN: - - - silence - - - MAN: Sh&%.
http://www.liskey.com/ShowArticle.asp?ArticleID=2788
You could always try the shoe sale line here again.
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Juwel
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Infinity is too hard to please. (except in the one department though) Believe me!
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GH
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#4
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(Original post by Iluvatar)
WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. WOMAN: - - - silence - - - MAN: Sh&%.


http://www.liskey.com/ShowArticle.asp?ArticleID=2788
Good dialogue there.
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JSM
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its better to ask her a question back, anyway, you can turn them to your own advantages. "am i fat" - if you tell her shes beautiful you are lying, if you say yes she will hate you. Don't come to this by saying have you lost weight everytime you see her.
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Juwel
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#6
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My honest answers to each question:

1. Whatever I happen to be thinking about.
2. The truth, whether I do or not.
3. "Hell no!"
4. "Hell no! Darling, have some confidence about yourself."
5. "No idea, cry a lot maybe"
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MadNatSci
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#7
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(Original post by ZJuwelH)
My honest answers to each question:

1. Whatever I happen to be thinking about.
2. The truth, whether I do or not.
3. "Hell no!"
4. "Hell no! Darling, have some confidence about yourself."
5. "No idea, cry a lot maybe"

Maybe? You're for it!
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Juwel
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(Original post by MadNatSci)
Maybe? You're for it!
Hey I don't know how I would react, it hasn't happened yet has it (I won't forget to add "thank god" if I said this to her)?
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MadNatSci
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(Original post by ZJuwelH)
Hey I don't know how I would react, it hasn't happened yet has it (I won't forget to add "thank god" if I said this to her)?

Hmmm, could work. I'd probably rather hear "Oh god, I don't even want to THINK about that"...
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Juwel
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(Original post by MadNatSci)
Hmmm, could work. I'd probably rather hear "Oh god, I don't even want to THINK about that"...
Wouldn't that be a better answer to question 3
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MadNatSci
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(Original post by ZJuwelH)
Wouldn't that be a better answer to question 3

lol - yeah maybe if you don't like your relationship!
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Juwel
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(Original post by MadNatSci)
lol - yeah maybe if you don't like your relationship!
Or if she is secure about herself and has a great sense of humour, what a tricky mixture to find in a girl...
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Infinity
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(Original post by ZJuwelH)
Or if she is secure about herself and has a great sense of humour, what a tricky mixture to find in a girl...
Well there's a handful of us out there.
(And to your comment that I'm hard to please, sooooo not true!)
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Juwel
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#14
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(Original post by Infinity)
Well there's a handful of us out there.
(And to your comment that I'm hard to please, sooooo not true!)
No of course not :rolleyes:, good luck 2776!
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Jonatan
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#15
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My girlfriend manage to incorporate all of those into a single sentence:

"You only like me because I like you!" The worst thing is Im not even lying when I tell her it's nonsense, and she still refuses to beleive me...
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GH
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#16
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(Original post by Jonatan)
My girlfriend manage to incorporate all of those into a single sentence:

"You only like me because I like you!" The worst thing is Im not even lying when I tell her it's nonsense, and she still refuses to beleive me...
Well stop telling her that, and go for physcological denial and tell her that she is correct. Then see her expression turn...
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