What to do...

Quite a while ago I broke up with my long term girlfriend of four years after she cheated on me, but after I told her I wanted her back she told me that I should have asked her sooner as she's now engaged to someone else. I feel sick thinking about it, and it happens every day. She still wants to be friends, but I don't know how I can be.

Marcus

Reply 1

-Blade-

1

marcusfox

Quite a while ago I broke up with my long term girlfriend of four years after she cheated on me, but after I told her I wanted her back she told me that I should have asked her sooner as she's now engaged to someone else. I feel sick thinking about it, and it happens every day. She still wants to be friends, but I don't know how I can be.

Marcus

Why did she cheat on you?

If she cheated on you then if you have her back you and you become a long term, even stable, couple, you are going to be taking the possible of risk of her cheating on you. Can you live with that? Personally, if she cheated on me I would hate her to not even like her enough to be mates.

I say leave her. Move on. What happened to the girl in the thread you recently made? :smile:

Reply 2

marcusfox

OP

16

I don't know why she cheated on me. But I was annoyed enough to break up with her, even though she wanted me back. Now it's too late.

As for that other girl, I haven't heard from her for ages, even though she seemed very interested at first. Even so, I'd still have chosen my former girlfriend over her.

Marcus

Reply 3

IjustlovetheIB

So you wanted her back even though she cheated on you?? :s-smilie:

In my opinion, you should move on. I know it might be hard and everything, but you need to. There's nothing you can do about the fact that she's with someone else now! Good luck. I know getting over someone, especially after you've been with them for so long, is very hard and might seem impossible at first, but you will get over her eventually. And don't even try to be friends with her right now, because that will make it even harder for you to get over her. You guys might be able to have a semi-normal friendship, but not right now!

Oh by the way, she sounds like a b.itch. :frown:

Reply 4

Trousers

11

It sounds to me like you just weren't meant to be together (and I don't mean that in a 'fate' sort of way - you're obviously just not compatible with each other, long term). If she can cheat on you, and then get engaged to someone else in such a short time, she doesn't care about you like you care about her. A relationship with this sort of imbalance is just never going to work.

It's easy for me to say 'get over her', I suppose, but this is what you need to do. And if you're still in love with her, getting a rebound girlfriend isn't fair on the new girl - just spend some time alone for a while.

Reply 5

envoy

marcusfox

Quite a while ago I broke up with my long term girlfriend of four years after she cheated on me, but after I told her I wanted her back she told me that I should have asked her sooner as she's now engaged to someone else. I feel sick thinking about it, and it happens every day. She still wants to be friends, but I don't know how I can be.

Marcus

Right now you can't be friends. At a point when you have enough distance from the situation then being friends may be a possibility, but at present it is a recipe for disaster- would you really be going into the situation just to be friends? I suspect that you will know that you have reached the stage where you can be friends when you no longer have the sick feeling and, indeed, feel neutral towards her and what happened.

I would be wary about this situation. You were together for four years and though you don't say how long ago you broke up she has already moved on. It don't think it is uncommon for this to happen, but it is a shock. The thing I am wary about is her 'should have asked sooner' remark because not only is it messing with your head that you didn't ask sooner but it is tantamount to giving you hope- especially followed by the 'let's be friends' comment. It is almost as though she has moved on but wants to keep you there just in case. Don't let yourself be subjected to this. But this is only my opinion.

Reply 6

marcusfox

OP

16

How can I tell her I don't think being friends with her is a good idea without offending her?

Marcus

Reply 7

BlokeFromStoke

marcusfox

How can I tell her I don't think being friends with her is a good idea without offending her?

Marcus

If she gives you any grief just say: "Well, you did cheat on me love" and disappear. She has no comeback for anything you say to her now.

Reply 8

blissy

15

marcusfox

How can I tell her I don't think being friends with her is a good idea without offending her?

Marcus

Tell her your new girlfriend won't let you talk to her

*is not bitter and angry :mad:

*

Reply 9

marcusfox

OP

16

blissy

Tell her your new girlfriend won't let you talk to her

*is not bitter and angry :mad:

*

Sorry, I'm probably too honest, but I don't like lying to anyone.

Marcus

Reply 10

BlokeFromStoke

This friends sitaution is cleary doing you no favours. Get some space to sort your feelings out and then think about being friends later. I think that's the only way to go about it.

I broke up with my girlfriend of over 4.5 years 5 months ago. Haven't seen her since and texted only twice and that was ever ending things on good terms. If you see each other too much you're blurring friends and relationship into one which screws your head up. Feelings will keep coming and going but you're gonna find it a long hard road getting over her. Being realistic it is too late to get things back to how they were.

Sorry if that all sounds a bit harsh. I know it's difficult for you but space will make things better in the long run. It doesn't mean you'll never be friends. You have to be straight up with her. If she cares one bit about you she'll understand.

Reply 11

envoy

marcusfox

How can I tell her I don't think being friends with her is a good idea without offending her?

Marcus

Go with the truth: that you don't want to be just her friend. And that considering the circumstances i.e. she is with someone else, you feel it is wiser for both your sakes for there to be some distance.

She may be a little disappointed, but I don't see how she could reasonably be offended.

Reply 12

IjustlovetheIB

envoy

Go with the truth: that you don't want to be just her friend. And that considering the circumstances i.e. she is with someone else, you feel it is wiser for both your sakes for there to be some distance.

She may be a little disappointed, but I don't see how she could reasonably be offended.

Exactly. Just tell her that you guys just can't be friends right now and that you need to kinda stay away from her. Hopefully she'll understand...

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