Lack of sex in r/s so I'm looking at other men Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#1
I have been with my bf for 2 and a 1/2 years and we live together. (I'm 22 he's 27)

Latelly he shows me no physical affection we have sex every couple of weeks to a month if I'm lucky. Everything else in the relationship is perfect I trust him etc and know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionaly but this is getting to me. My confidence is dropping and I've tried talking about it but he just changes the subject and whenever I try anything he pushes me away because he is tired etc. The lack of sex has been going on for a year so I know it's not just about that atm but the lack of affection as a whole. Never takes me out or wants to spend time with me.

The past couple months I'm starting to find other men really attractive and it's making me consider breaking up with my bf. I'm not extremelly unhappy with him but I'm not happy either. The fact I'm looking at other men makes me realise something is wrong.

I don't want to give up on the relationship if this is just a 'rough patch' but I want to know if anyone else has been in long term relationships and felt like this? What do you think I should do?
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Carpediemxx
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#2
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Force him to talk about it and tell him how unhappy it makes you. If he still refuses after countless attempts then its time to move on
There may be a good reason for it, or it could be the end
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Wardy23
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#3
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Maybe you're **** in bed.
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Ilora-Danon
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Yeah you need to make your feelings heard and understood. He can't keep brushing it under the rug. You have to make him listen and talk about it like adults. Of course, he's not going to like talking about it, but it's got to be done.

If he still refuses to talk about it, then I think it would be time to move on to pastures new.
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cowsgoquack
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#5
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Either conceed that you'll live in a sexless relationship but stick with it due to the greaterhappiness that love brings you, accepting that sacrifice.

Or

Cheat on him, not loving him any less but fulfilling your physical needs elsewhere.

Or

Break up with him and find somone (or perhaps never find somone) who you perhaps love less but will fulfilll you sexually.

Or

Try and change him to have sex more.

Or

Try and change yourself to want sex less.
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reems23
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#6
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You're probably **** in bed.
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Anonymous #2
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I'm having this problem at the moment too.

I don't know what the problem is - I'm fairly sure it's not he thinks the sex is awful, as until a few months ago we were fine (also been together a couple of years). I know he still wants sexual activity, as when I'm at uni we joke about how he wants me to be home, and he's masturbated etc. but then when I'm there it just doesn't happen.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
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py0alb
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#8
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Don't talk to him about about or anything like that. Just give up on him. Having a threesome with two of his mates is a much better solution.
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BandManDan
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#9
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Check his internet history, sounds like he's getting his bit from porn.
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Anonymous #1
#10
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(Original post by reems23)
You're probably **** in bed.
I may well be but that doesn't really answer my question.
Oh and someone else also beat you to that answer too.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Wardy23)
Maybe you're **** in bed.
That may be true but it doesn't really answer the question though.
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Anonymous #1
#12
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(Original post by Carpediemxx)
Force him to talk about it and tell him how unhappy it makes you. If he still refuses after countless attempts then its time to move on
There may be a good reason for it, or it could be the end
Thanks for your reply I will try and talk again but I doubt it will work.
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Anonymous #1
#13
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(Original post by Ilora-Danon)
Yeah you need to make your feelings heard and understood. He can't keep brushing it under the rug. You have to make him listen and talk about it like adults. Of course, he's not going to like talking about it, but it's got to be done.

If he still refuses to talk about it, then I think it would be time to move on to pastures new.
Thanks for your reply, I'll try talking again it's just hard because we live together etc.
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Wardy23
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That may be true but it doesn't really answer the question though.
If you're **** in bed he's not gonna want to have sex with you.
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Carpediemxx
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#15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your reply I will try and talk again but I doubt it will work.
Thats alright, you can only try. If he doesn't listen to you despite you being upset about it then that tells you alot about him. A relationship's most important factor is communication and if you can't talk to him about things that really matter to you then you have your answer
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Anonymous #1
#16
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#16
(Original post by cowsgoquack)
Either conceed that you'll live in a sexless relationship but stick with it due to the greaterhappiness that love brings you, accepting that sacrifice.

Or

Cheat on him, not loving him any less but fulfilling your physical needs elsewhere.

Or

Break up with him and find somone (or perhaps never find somone) who you perhaps love less but will fulfilll you sexually.

Or

Try and change him to have sex more.

Or

Try and change yourself to want sex less.
Your reply makes alot of sense. I could never cheat on him though. I've tried the last two.So it's either break up with him or deal with it.
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Alvrae
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have been with my bf for 2 and a 1/2 years and we live together. (I'm 22 he's 27)

Latelly he shows me no physical affection we have sex every couple of weeks to a month if I'm lucky. Everything else in the relationship is perfect I trust him etc and know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionaly but this is getting to me. My confidence is dropping and I've tried talking about it but he just changes the subject and whenever I try anything he pushes me away because he is tired etc. The lack of sex has been going on for a year so I know it's not just about that atm but the lack of affection as a whole. Never takes me out or wants to spend time with me.

The past couple months I'm starting to find other men really attractive and it's making me consider breaking up with my bf. I'm not extremelly unhappy with him but I'm not happy either. The fact I'm looking at other men makes me realise something is wrong.

I don't want to give up on the relationship if this is just a 'rough patch' but I want to know if anyone else has been in long term relationships and felt like this? What do you think I should do?
maybe try somthing new? i stopped sleeping with my missus all the time because it felt like a routine. i tried speaking to her about trying new things and she wouldn't have it so i did the above to her.

she eventually spoke to me about it and now we try new things. i wonder if she'd try a three-sum XD probs not.

that happened with my missus about 2 yrs in.

either way since me and my missus spoke i see her like 3-4 times a week and sleep with her atleast once everytime i do see her.

maybe stop half way home from the pub one night,
or
buy some new underware ect
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Wardy23)
If you're **** in bed he's not gonna want to have sex with you.
Which is stating the obvious (if I was **** in bed) but the actual question is what should I do about the relationship.
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linkdapink
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your reply, I'll try talking again it's just hard because we live together etc.
You mean its hard to talk because you live together? Or hard to end the relationship? I think you know what you want to do, just hoped that someone would be able to tell you it gets better so you stick with it. You need to sit down and have a proper conversation with him. It's not fair on either of you if you're unhappy and he doesn't know about it. Make sure it gets sorted soon, or it could be a long, unhappy road for you both.
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Anonymous #3
#20
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Your reply makes alot of sense. I could never cheat on him though. I've tried the last two.So it's either break up with him or deal with it.
i'm the same :hugs:
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