Moving on? Watch
Basically, I've been out of a relationship for the last ten months (ish), but I can't claw myself back out of the 'abyss'. You know there're the five stages of grief for when someone dies - I think I've gone through those. I reached acceptance in May, and whenever people mentioned my ex my answer would usually amount to "**** her..." - a not-so-nice, yet empowering statement. Then I came home, and started thinking about how close she was, and how she was part of the friend group so we couldn't exclude her and I'd have to see her around...and then I slipped back to stage 4: Depression.
Lately, everything has been ups and downs; swings and roundabouts. Last Friday she was out with our friend group, and we started texting across the tables. It was nice. Then I got home, and ruined it all by telling her I shouldn't see her around. [Saving her? Or saving myself?] - she insisted she wants to be friends, so we went out yesterday together. It was nice, and I thought "Hm, this is easier than it seems." - until this morning, when I read her Facebook status and my mind starting jumping to conclusions. It's probably nothing - probably a sibling's birthday - but, it just set off all these jealous emotions in my head, and I can't deal with it.
I'm going to Italy to study in a few weeks, so I'd really like to get this chapter of my life over and done with. What can I do? Getting closer to her seems to be making me 'happy', but it's making all the jealousy and inexplicable mood changes harder to deal with; but pushing her away is just going to go back on everything we've worked for. Admittedly, I was happy (and relatively normal) until I came home for summer - only then did I suddenly hit these moments of seemingly depressive mania.
So, is there anything you guys can suggest - aside from a good case of 'manning up' and 'growing a pair' - that could help me sort all of this out before I head off to Italia?
My suggestion would be to just move on with your life and get her out of it. There's no point keeping something in your life that's going to cause you pain, disappointment and grief... even if she does want to be friends, you shouldn't be so selfless as to simply endure what you're going through because of her own selfish reasons.
In this case, yes, 'man up' or 'grow a pair' - but only to get rid of her and get her out of your life.