Am I better just moving on? Would love some advice! Watch

Anonymous #1
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I've been friends this guy since last year, as we're doing the same uni course. At first he was really shy, but we eventually got talking through mutual friends. Getting him to hold a conversation was still a struggle though :cool:

Then we get talking online and the guy won't shut up! He's one of the most interesting guys I've ever come across, I just love chatting to him The problem is, this doesn't translate into real life. He even invited me to this thing where I met his friends, got on well with them etc, but conversation with him was still a bit of a struggle - online it flows fine!

Furthermore, I asked him on a uni nigh for passing exams & he said no because he lives too far away(about 1 1/2 hours, maybe more, away from me ). He also said he wouldn't come anyway because he only knew 2 people out of the group & he's 'still not great with big social situations'. So, brilliant :p:

While I think life would be easier if I just moved on from him...everything changed after my friend died and he was my rock. He gave me the best advice I've had off a guy & helped me regain my strength basically. But it's so frustrating not having the same online as in real life, & I don't want to delude myself. He even admitted that if I hadn't spoken to him first he still wouldn't properly know me!

At the moment, we don't see eachother as it's the summer break(and he didn't come on that night out), but we chat online every few days for at least a couple of hours. He's said little things and drops in little compliments here & there. The crazy thing is he's amazingly good looking and pretty confident, except for...with me? I don't know, he seems alright with other female friends.

But he lives far away, our online friendship might never translate into real life and is it really a good idea anyway, seeing as we'll be on the same uni course for the next few years?
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Anonymous #1
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I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like I know online him, but face to face the real him is really different. So isn't there a good chance that isn't going to change, realistically? Surely he would've opened up a bit more by now...
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username239687
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Maybe he likes you, but as you said he's not great in social situations and he's still really shy in person around you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ToastyCoke)
Maybe he likes you, but as you said he's not great in social situations and he's still really shy in person around you.
He does have plenty of friends though, but yeah, I think it's more people he doesn't know so well. I suppose a daft part of me thought he might come anyway if he liked me!

Any ideas how I could get him to open up a bit more and help him get over this?
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Anonymous #1
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Or am I as well just forgetting it...
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EssRidge
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How do you know it's really him on the other end of those Instant Messenger conversations? :curious:
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esachica
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It seems to me that you're the one doing all the hard work. Surely it would be better as a 50/50 relationship? Perhaps you need to not speak to him for a while, deliberately distance yourself from him and maybe that'll provoke him into making contact with you for once.

Or perhaps he is just too shy and you need to be the one to give it to him straight which would probably work out as the quickest way and hopefully he'll be honest with you too. I know it's a hard way, but you want answers, no? And do it online too since that's how he prefers him. Then once he's given you answers, slowly arrange for the two of you to do something together where conversation will flow easily.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by esachica)
It seems to me that you're the one doing all the hard work. Surely it would be better as a 50/50 relationship? Perhaps you need to not speak to him for a while, deliberately distance yourself from him and maybe that'll provoke him into making contact with [I]you[I] for once.

Or perhaps he is just too shy and you need to be the one to give it to him straight which would probably work out as the quickest way and hopefully he'll be honest with you too. I know it's a hard way, but you want answers, no? And do it online too since that's how he prefers him. Then once he's given you answers, slowly arrange for the two of you to do something together where conversation will flow easily.
Well I did get fed up with it and when I did, he started initiating everything :yep:

But I don't know...in a couple of months I'll be more likely to have more time with him hanging out than I did before. So maybe I should just wait? Might go a bit crazy before then though :eek3:
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by EssRidge)
How do you know it's really him on the other end of those Instant Messenger conversations? :curious:
:p: We've talked about(although not much :cool:) , about things we've discussed there face to face.
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EssRidge
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(Original post by Anonymous)
:p: We've talked about(although not much :cool:) , about things we've discussed there face to face.
Well, in all seriousness you could start chatting with him on IM while you're sitting in the same room with your computers, and wean him off it.

When I was at uni a lot of my housemates chatted on IM even though they were in the next room! :rolleyes:
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esachica
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well I did get fed up with it and when I did, he started initiating everything :yep:

But I don't know...in a couple of months I'll be more likely to have more time with him hanging out than I did before. So maybe I should just wait? Might go a bit crazy before then though :eek3:
Yeah I couldn't wait a couple of months either :P I'm veryyy impatient. If you can wait, then wait, but if not, just head on in there and be frank with him. If you make your opinion clear, maybe that'll encourage him to be straight with you too and he'll be able to open up a bit more. Maybe.
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rj1990
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well I did get fed up with it and when I did, he started initiating everything :yep:

But I don't know...in a couple of months I'll be more likely to have more time with him hanging out than I did before. So maybe I should just wait? Might go a bit crazy before then though :eek3:
You have to try and look at it through his eyes as well though. You might not be as easy to talk to in real life either? Perhaps inside he has this fun personality but maybe you should try and be more loose around him as well? And then when he see's you being funny/abit crazy then he will feel more comfortable?

Also, it seems like you two talk mainly about problems and stuff? Try and talk a bit more about fun, random stuff and bring out each others sense of humour!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by esachica)
Yeah I couldn't wait a couple of months either :P I'm veryyy impatient. If you can wait, then wait, but if not, just head on in there and be frank with him. If you make your opinion clear, maybe that'll encourage him to be straight with you too and he'll be able to open up a bit more. Maybe.
What do you mean opinion? Just straight out tell him I like him ? :eek: The reason I'm even more scared of rejection is because we're in the exact same classes etc, share some of the same friends. It would be so awkward if he didn't like me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by rj1990)
You have to try and look at it through his eyes as well though. You might not be as easy to talk to in real life either? Perhaps inside he has this fun personality but maybe you should try and be more loose around him as well? And then when he see's you being funny/abit crazy then he will feel more comfortable?

Also, it seems like you two talk mainly about problems and stuff? Try and talk a bit more about fun, random stuff and bring out each others sense of humour!
Well, most people find me approachable. I'm not ott bubbly or anything like that, but I'm pretty easy to talk to and I arrange most our uni nights out etc.

When we chat, I'll joke lightly with him, but out of everyone I've liked he's the hardest to talk to face to face - it's exhausting! And we do chat about problems now and again but we talk about lots of things. I know in the past I was probably a bit tense around him simply just because I like him, but I did try not to be and find chatting to him comes a lot more naturally now. I have been trying!
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rj1990
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well, most people find me approachable. I'm not ott bubbly or anything like that, but I'm pretty easy to talk to and I arrange most our uni nights out etc.

When we chat, I'll joke lightly with him, but out of everyone I've liked he's the hardest to talk to face to face - it's exhausting! And we do chat about problems now and again but we talk about lots of things. I know in the past I was probably a bit tense around him simply just because I like him, but I did try not to be and find chatting to him comes a lot more naturally now. I have been trying!
Hmmm, ok. Sounds like he is just a boring fart then:yep: It'll never change if it hasn't by now!
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esachica
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What do you mean opinion? Just straight out tell him I like him ? :eek: The reason I'm even more scared of rejection is because we're in the exact same classes etc, share some of the same friends. It would be so awkward if he didn't like me.
I'd try and be casual about it, but yes, tell him! You'll just, in the future, regret it if you don't. I know I sure have before. If he doesn't feel the same, move back to a more comfortable topic to try and get away from what just happened, don't act like it's bothered you.

And he doesn't exactly seem the type (how you've spoke about him anyway) to go around *****ing about the fact that 'oh my gosh x girl likes me and I rejected her! Woo me!" It could be awkward if things turn out badly, sure, but maybe it'll be worth it It wouldn't be anything you couldn't overcome.
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ScroobiusBrit
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been friends this guy since last year, as we're doing the same uni course. At first he was really shy, but we eventually got talking through mutual friends. Getting him to hold a conversation was still a struggle though :cool:

Then we get talking online and the guy won't shut up! He's one of the most interesting guys I've ever come across, I just love chatting to him The problem is, this doesn't translate into real life. He even invited me to this thing where I met his friends, got on well with them etc, but conversation with him was still a bit of a struggle - online it flows fine!

Furthermore, I asked him on a uni nigh for passing exams & he said no because he lives too far away(about 1 1/2 hours, maybe more, away from me ). He also said he wouldn't come anyway because he only knew 2 people out of the group & he's 'still not great with big social situations'. So, brilliant :p:

While I think life would be easier if I just moved on from him...everything changed after my friend died and he was my rock. He gave me the best advice I've had off a guy & helped me regain my strength basically. But it's so frustrating not having the same online as in real life, & I don't want to delude myself. He even admitted that if I hadn't spoken to him first he still wouldn't properly know me!

At the moment, we don't see eachother as it's the summer break(and he didn't come on that night out), but we chat online every few days for at least a couple of hours. He's said little things and drops in little compliments here & there. The crazy thing is he's amazingly good looking and pretty confident, except for...with me? I don't know, he seems alright with other female friends.

But he lives far away, our online friendship might never translate into real life and is it really a good idea anyway, seeing as we'll be on the same uni course for the next few years?
I'd say keep in touch with him over the summer and resume things at uni - maybe go visit him if that works? He soudns like a brilliant guy and it would be a shame to lose your relationship with him just because things are a bit slow paced.

Maybe he's shy around you in particular because he has particular feelinsg and doesn't know how you feel? It's a possibility but you'd know more than me about whether that might be the case.

Hope things go well for you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by rj1990)
Hmmm, ok. Sounds like he is just a boring fart then:yep: It'll never change if it hasn't by now!
He can be pretty serious at times, but other times he's funny and really makes me laugh.

I suppose I just thought it still might because you know people say some folk are shy until you get to know them better. Worth just giving up then do you think ?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ScroobiusBrit)
I'd say keep in touch with him over the summer and resume things at uni - maybe go visit him if that works? He soudns like a brilliant guy and it would be a shame to lose your relationship with him just because things are a bit slow paced.

Maybe he's shy around you in particular because he has particular feelinsg and doesn't know how you feel? It's a possibility but you'd know more than me about whether that might be the case.

Hope things go well for you.
I think you're probably right. At least asking him out for a drink or whatever won't seem like less of a big deal(like it would randomly over the summer) because we're at uni together most days anyway! I just...I've liked people and I have been in love in the past...I just can't put my finger on it, but there's something special about this one.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by esachica)
I'd try and be casual about it, but yes, tell him! You'll just, in the future, regret it if you don't. I know I sure have before. If he doesn't feel the same, move back to a more comfortable topic to try and get away from what just happened, don't act like it's bothered you.

And he doesn't exactly seem the type (how you've spoke about him anyway) to go around *****ing about the fact that 'oh my gosh x girl likes me and I rejected her! Woo me!" It could be awkward if things turn out badly, sure, but maybe it'll be worth it It wouldn't be anything you couldn't overcome.
The conversations have changed a bit though recently, he's told me he thinks I'm pretty, so why be surprised if guys are after me(some guy we both know from uni has been acting a bit...stalkerish) & I've told him he's good-looking. I've even told him things I liked about him when we first met and stuff, so it's like I'm working my way upto it :p:
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