Orgasm before intercourse - girls? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
Do you like a man to make you orgasm during foreplay?

I always have this argument with my boyfriend because he wants me to orgasm during oral sex before intercourse, because it takes the pressure off him. He always tries to do it, I know it is what he used to do with his ex.

Thing is, I HATE being brought off during foreplay if we're going to have intercourse, because I find it completely numbs the sensation - instead of being pleasurable when he is inside me like it is when I'm just aroused, after orgasm either I can't feel any pleasure or it is actually uncomfortable/unpleasant.

I've tried telling him but he just thinks I'm strange not to want him to bring me off first. Does anyone else have this problem? Do you like/does your girlfriend like coming before penetration?
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Double Agent
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#2
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#2
My girlfriend is the opposite, it hightens sensations during intercourse, but everyone's different. Tell him to stop being such a turnip, and respect your wishes regarding your body. If he's arguing over this, he should be grateful he's getting any at all.
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mangomaz
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I find sex is much much better if I have orgasmed before intercourse. Generally it feels like my body has 'warmed up' and allows me to have deeper sensation and orgasms.

Can I ask whether you have orgasms through penetration or only through clitoral stimlation? I understand what you mean about the sensation being a bit numbed, hence I can only generally have one direct clitoral orgasm in a 'session', but countless ones through penetration (or subtle combinations).

I feel like perhaps you haven't totally opened up your body yet to penetrative orgasms (it can take a while to click how they work don't worry). I know I'm making assumptions, but once that has been opened up, the joy of being a woman is that one orgasm leads to another and another and another.

Anyway I'm happy to discuss in more detail stuff, maybe PM would be more suitable.
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I Love Dog
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#4
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Most people uh listen to their girlfriends.
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Anonymous #2
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TBH I'd just be happy if I orgasmed at all.
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mangomaz
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
TBH I'd just be happy if I orgasmed at all.
I used to think that too. What I realised was actually happening was that I had been having orgasms but hadnt realised it. Sounds stupid I know. Also, chill out and enjoy feeling yourself (which is easier said than done).

Don't worry it will happen. Half of it is in your head. If I think 'ooh this is it yayy' then if it is on the brink of it it generally creates itself.
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Rolls eyes
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(Original post by mangomaz)
I used to think that too. What I realised was actually happening was that I had been having orgasms but hadnt realised it. Sounds stupid I know. Also, chill out and enjoy feeling yourself (which is easier said than done).

Don't worry it will happen. Half of it is in your head. If I think 'ooh this is it yayy' then if it is on the brink of it it generally creates itself.
I'm sorry, but it doesn't sound "stupid", it is just impossible. An orgasm isn't something you miss. Massive shaking, muscle spasm and a contact with heaven? Only way to mistake it is if you don't know what sex or orgasms are and you think you're having a stroke (a very pleasant one). In which you shouldn't be having sex.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but this strengthens my theory that many women say they get off regularly because they don't know what an orgasm is. And they don't want to admit they're not doing it right and they want to please the man. Female orgasms is discovered on your own before having a shot with a guy.
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Ilora-Danon
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I'm the same OP. Your boyfriend should just be happy that you're climaxing with him, it doesn't matter when - I don't understand why he wants you to climax first, before intercourse.
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mangomaz
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#9
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(Original post by Rolls eyes)
I'm sorry, but it doesn't sound "stupid", it is just impossible. An orgasm isn't something you miss. Massive shaking, muscle spasm and a contact with heaven? Only way to mistake it is if you don't know what sex or orgasms are and you think you're having a stroke (a very pleasant one). In which you shouldn't be having sex.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but this strengthens my theory that many women say they get off regularly because they don't know what an orgasm is. And they don't want to admit they're not doing it right and they want to please the man. Female orgasms is discovered on your own before having a shot with a guy.
Ha :p:

Not quite impossible.

It is very easy as a woman whose never had an orgasm to think that their orgasm will be directly comparable to the male one. You wait and wait for an obvious tipping point where you're like WOOAAHHHH!!!! and to be honest a lot of the time that point never comes.

I look back at lots of times where I'd had an orgasm but hadn't realised at the time - even having as far as toes tingling and slight waves down my body and all that jazz. Felt really good, but it still felt like a build up and didnt seem to have anything on the obvious male one. I would be waiting for something significant to happen, which of course never would.

The mental and physical aspects of the orgasm are two very distinct parts that need to work together to produce a full orgasm. Yes ok my body may have come but my mind sure as hell hadnt, so as far as I was concerned, it hadn't happened.

I only realised that I'd actually been having orgasms probably about a year later when I started masturbating and would be in that usual build up and that same thing happened that always happened. But because my hands were actually down there, I felt the muscle spasms for the first time and thought 'wtf so I am actually having an orgasm right now?!'.

Once I had made that connection it became far easier, and they became a lot more significant. Partly because as I said previously, a lot of it is your own reaffirmation in your head that helps create it.

So you are partly right that it helps if a woman can figure it out on her own first, but you are wrong in thinking that it is 'impossible' to miss. Female orgasms are incredibly different to male ones; don't think that as a man you have ANY idea what sex is like for a woman :p:
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mangomaz
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#10
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(Original post by Ilora-Danon)
I'm the same OP. Your boyfriend should just be happy that you're climaxing with him, it doesn't matter when - I don't understand why he wants you to climax first, before intercourse.
Maybe he's convinced he's a stud in bed and he knows all the best tricks and doesnt want to admit that he might have to change his 'tricks' to keep OP happy.

Just a theory!
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Rolls eyes
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(Original post by mangomaz)
Ha :p:

Not quite impossible.

It is very easy as a woman whose never had an orgasm to think that their orgasm will be directly comparable to the male one. You wait and wait for an obvious tipping point where you're like WOOAAHHHH!!!! and to be honest a lot of the time that point never comes.

I look back at lots of times where I'd had an orgasm but hadn't realised at the time - even having as far as toes tingling and slight waves down my body and all that jazz. Felt really good, but it still felt like a build up and didnt seem to have anything on the obvious male one. I would be waiting for something significant to happen, which of course never would.

The mental and physical aspects of the orgasm are two very distinct parts that need to work together to produce a full orgasm. Yes ok my body may have come but my mind sure as hell hadnt, so as far as I was concerned, it hadn't happened.

I only realised that I'd actually been having orgasms probably about a year later when I started masturbating and would be in that usual build up and that same thing happened that always happened. But because my hands were actually down there, I felt the muscle spasms for the first time and thought 'wtf so I am actually having an orgasm right now?!'.

Once I had made that connection it became far easier, and they became a lot more significant. Partly because as I said previously, a lot of it is your own reaffirmation in your head that helps create it.

So you are partly right that it helps if a woman can figure it out on her own first, but you are wrong in thinking that it is 'impossible' to miss. Female orgasms are incredibly different to male ones; don't think that as a man you have ANY idea what sex is like for a woman :p:
i'm a woman. And I've been with both a woman and men.

I haven't and don't know anyone or have ever heard of anyone who's had an orgasm with a guy before they've had one themselves. I can talk with the most experienced of my friends and she'll say "that's madness, you have to explore it on your own first". 10% of women can come trough penetration alone, and even they can't when they are young. You need continued pressure on your clitoris, and the orgasm lasts a few second with real muscle spasms. And you'll be so addicted to masturbating, you won't be in doubt you had an orgasm. My guess is that you've come close with a guy, but not quite there.

I'm only hoping women just back off from men and touch themselves for a while to figure out what it takes. It's such a pity never experiencing a real orgasm. If more women do, maybe they'll develop a sex drive which is more similar to men's. Many don't know what they're missing.
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mangomaz
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#12
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(Original post by Rolls eyes)
i'm a woman. And I've been with both a woman and men.

I haven't and don't know anyone or have ever heard of anyone who's had an orgasm with a guy before they've had one themselves. I can talk with the most experienced of my friends and she'll say "that's madness, you have to explore it on your own first". 10% of women can come trough penetration alone, and even they can't when they are young. You need continued pressure on your clitoris, and the orgasm lasts a few second with real muscle spasms. And you'll be so addicted to masturbating, you won't be in doubt you had an orgasm. My guess is that you've come close with a guy, but not quite there.

I'm only hoping women just back off from men and touch themselves for a while to figure out what it takes. It's such a pity never experiencing a real orgasm. If more women do, maybe they'll develop a sex drive which is more similar to men's. Many don't know what they're missing.
Ah right ok sorry about the assumption!

I agree that women do need to get comfortable with themselves and figure out what works for them before expecting a man to do it. I agree that it's such a shame most women never experience a real orgasm, especially penetrative ones because they are the most amazing thing ever. And it shows how out of touch with their own bodies women can be. I think maybe a large aspect is to trust your body knows what it's doing.

Was that a guess at my personal experience? I guess I'm one of those lucky 10% who can come through penetration alone A lot has changed since the days where I thought I might never ever have an orgasm! Though I heard it was 25% actually. Maybe it's gone down in recent years.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mangomaz)
I find sex is much much better if I have orgasmed before intercourse. Generally it feels like my body has 'warmed up' and allows me to have deeper sensation and orgasms.

Can I ask whether you have orgasms through penetration or only through clitoral stimlation? I understand what you mean about the sensation being a bit numbed, hence I can only generally have one direct clitoral orgasm in a 'session', but countless ones through penetration (or subtle combinations).

I feel like perhaps you haven't totally opened up your body yet to penetrative orgasms (it can take a while to click how they work don't worry). I know I'm making assumptions, but once that has been opened up, the joy of being a woman is that one orgasm leads to another and another and another.

Anyway I'm happy to discuss in more detail stuff, maybe PM would be more suitable.

I orgasm easily during intercourse, but find clitoral stimulation alone a bit annoying. It just isn't the same as the feeling of having something inside you. I wouldn't be bothered if I never had oral sex again TBH, even though I have had great orgasms from it - it just isn't one of my favourite things.
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shouldbeshot
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You have to remember you can have really weak orgasms too, s girls could come just not realise it because it was weak. When I came with my ex once, it was really weak but when I was alone it was strong and I think I'm much better at getting myself off than he was!
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Anonymous #3
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Foreplay - no orgasm, then sexual, then generally orgasm after via clit stimulation. Sometimes it happens through intercourse, but it generally feels better finishing each other off after
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raineydayze
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#16
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(Original post by mangomaz)
Ha :p:

Not quite impossible.

It is very easy as a woman whose never had an orgasm to think that their orgasm will be directly comparable to the male one. You wait and wait for an obvious tipping point where you're like WOOAAHHHH!!!! and to be honest a lot of the time that point never comes.

I look back at lots of times where I'd had an orgasm but hadn't realised at the time - even having as far as toes tingling and slight waves down my body and all that jazz. Felt really good, but it still felt like a build up and didnt seem to have anything on the obvious male one. I would be waiting for something significant to happen, which of course never would.

The mental and physical aspects of the orgasm are two very distinct parts that need to work together to produce a full orgasm. Yes ok my body may have come but my mind sure as hell hadnt, so as far as I was concerned, it hadn't happened.

I only realised that I'd actually been having orgasms probably about a year later when I started masturbating and would be in that usual build up and that same thing happened that always happened. But because my hands were actually down there, I felt the muscle spasms for the first time and thought 'wtf so I am actually having an orgasm right now?!'.

Once I had made that connection it became far easier, and they became a lot more significant. Partly because as I said previously, a lot of it is your own reaffirmation in your head that helps create it.

So you are partly right that it helps if a woman can figure it out on her own first, but you are wrong in thinking that it is 'impossible' to miss. Female orgasms are incredibly different to male ones; don't think that as a man you have ANY idea what sex is like for a woman :p:
i'm sorry but im a woman and i completly disagree. i alwayyys get the toe tingling thing during sex but no way thats an orgasm. women do get the 'significant' feeling, i don't get it through sex but clit orgasms always do that for me and id no way compare the tingling to the real things :/
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fredscarecrow
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If he insists on making you orgasm before penetration and you don't like having the sex after [i can fully understand] then simply roll over after your oral sex orgasm and let him know his job is done.
He'll soon start to associate oral sex orgasms with no sex and he'll come around in no time
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Rolls eyes
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(Original post by raineydayze)
i'm sorry but im a woman and i completly disagree. i alwayyys get the toe tingling thing during sex but no way thats an orgasm. women do get the 'significant' feeling, i don't get it through sex but clit orgasms always do that for me and id no way compare the tingling to the real things :/
Same here.

It's difficult to talk about, because many are "ashamed" of not getting sex right, and tell themselves (and their boyfriends) they come, when they really don't.
Masturbation is all it takes. Often, relaxed and passionately. And don't stop till you've had contact with heaven.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by fredscarecrow)
If he insists on making you orgasm before penetration and you don't like having the sex after [i can fully understand] then simply roll over after your oral sex orgasm and let him know his job is done.
He'll soon start to associate oral sex orgasms with no sex and he'll come around in no time
Ha ha! love this answer - have to try it with my boyfriend
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MoonGazer
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Personally, I prefer that I'm given an orgasm some hours before we have sex or afterwards - primarily because I can remain sensitive from it for quite a long time afterwards, particularly if it really intense, which can make further stimulation in any way of that area ie. foreplay or sexual intercourse painful for me or just not as good, so I can't enjoy it as much.

Just try talking to him - I've told my bf the above and he's perfectly comfortable with it. Some people aren't able to please their partners at all, as others have said, I think your boyfriend should be grateful he can, regardless of when it happens.
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