Jealousy

saz_1989

I guess I'm a jealous person (hating the bf's exs and all that) and my boyfriend is the same (he won't let me talk to certain people lol) and I don't mind that at all. There's problems with it, but we can work through it, but I don't understand why I should be jealous when I've had a million more exs etc than my bf has. Any ideas? (This is with all bf's, not just this one).

Following on from that, I don't get jealous when I'm not serious with a guy. After some thought, I figure I'm not ready for a serious relationship at the mo, but I'm already in one. When I've suggested getting a bit less intense, the boy gets all paranoid and says that it would be awful because "what's the point in having a relationship if you're not in love and being loved up?". And any time I act more distant he gets worried. But if I'm all "loved up" then we both get jealous. So any tips or thoughts?

:rolleyes:

Men. If I was dating a girl I'm sure I wouldn't have these problems.

Reply 1

DeLboY

Sounds like your feller isn't the type for a casual relationship, he's either too loved up by you, or he just needs the security or a proper relationship (or both!).
To him it probably seems as if you're making excuses to get out of the relationship. You either have to learn to trust each other, or get out of it completely. If you dont trust your partner to even talk to someone, then you really have to be questionning why you are in a relationship with them in the first place. I don't think a casual relationship will help jealousy issues at all in the long run!

Good luck :smile:

Reply 2

Angelicx1x

i was like this with my (exish) bf. it would always turn into an arguement which would result in me crying etc.. dont get me wrong, i had reasons to be insecure with him, but i always took him back. it got to the stage where we both were driving eachother crazy & he ended it with us saying he needed space etc etc. at the time i thought it was the worst suggestion ever & was totally heart broken. we never contacted eachother for about 4 months & now we speak regulary (nearly everyday)& see eachother at least once a week. i think the space helped us alot & actually did clear up alot of my insecurites & jelousy. I guess what im saying is why dont you suggest spending time apart? spend time with your friends & family. i mean, he cant exactly say no, can he? you need to get out and do stuff with your friends, socialise!!
good luck with whatever you end up doing

Reply 3

bret

I don’t blame you for hating his ex and I don’t blame him for stopping you speaking to lads you’ve messed around with. Like you said, he’s got more to deal with than you in terms of numbers and you should take this into account. If you see these people around uni, this cloud will hang over your relationship until you graduate. Two years is a long time to let it bother you before you can leave the past behind truly. That’s why so many girls at Cambridge a) Are virgins b) have 1 or 2 bfs all through uni c) sleep with people outside college who they will rarely see in the bar, lectures, societies and can ignore in Cindies, then if a bf comes along they can shield him from it d) Sleep with whoever takes their fancy, don’t get a bf and leave it behind them after 3 years.

You could either finish the relationship, which obviously you don’t want to do through reading previous posts. Or you could confront the exes. I don’t mean smack them, but look and evaluate. For me, even if my gf had slept with him before, if he turned out to be a skinny, balding, comsci of a man then it wouldn’t bother me. Of course, there’s always the danger he’s Beckham with Stephen Hawking’s mind but this rarely happens. Other than that you could do a big romantic karaoke classic together in Freshers to show the world (exes included) you are truly together.