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Confused

Sorry if this is a kinda long post lol

Please Dont bother posting 'this shouldnt be in health/relationships' cos i think my state of mind is being affected.

Anyway does anyone feel as if they've got no direction at the moment :frown:

- theyre just doing what they do everyday without getting anywhere in the process?

There's not just this problem of lack of motivation which is confusing me, there's also a feeling that i am confused about my sexuality. I am often attracted to people of the same sex but for some reason i cannot ever imagine making a relationship out of this. I no therell be some people out there who'll say gay people are 'perfectly normal' but these feelings i have are unwanted and i am often repulsed at the thought of going out with someone of the same sex.

I have always felt this way and i do fancy a lot of people of the opposite sex. Its just i keep thinking i am 'destined' to be with someone from the same sex, otherwise why would i have these feelings? I also think it could be because i am not getting anywhere with members of the opposite sex.

Its not as if these bisexual thoughts interfere with my everyday life but they are there and thats what's disturbing. Its almost as if the lifestyle of a straight person seems more appealing and i feel i lean more towards the straight side.

Right now i am constantly waiting for something major to happen in my life. I feel as if the people around me are getting on with their lives and i am stuck in limbo. Its not as if i am doing bad with my life - i am going well with college so far and am pleased with my progress - but i feel i am not doing enough and have not really accepted the full responsibility of being an adult yet.

I would appreciate anyone's comments and sorry if anything ive said comes out wrong cos its kind of hard to describe how i am feeling

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Reply 1

Indus1986

You say you are "destined" to be with someone with the same sex or "why would I have these feelings"... Well then are you not destined to be with someone of the same sex because you also say you fancy them?...

You are obviously confused, so why don't you try to make the effort to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex as it is meant to be. Then see how you feel.

Reply 2

No Future

You sound like one of my friends..

Reply 3

brown

It's not like i dont make an effort with girls lol i do but whether i get any feedback is another thing... its hard to push my bisexuality to the back of ym mind all the time

Reply 4

brown

is your friend a boy or a girl?

Reply 5

No Future

A girl...I thought it was her...

Reply 6

brown

ok lol...

Reply 7

envoy

I suppose the question is: what do you want to happen in your life? Major (postitive) things are *made* to happen and are unlikely to occur to a person if he or she simply waits for them to happen to him or her.

As concerns your sexuality, sometimes it is better to think of the nature of this thing as being on a scale as opposed to being a case of absolute either/or. It's reasonable to look at a member of the same sex and to appreciate what you see without feeling the need to act upon it. Though you acknowledge an inclination towards heterosexuality, it may be worth bearing in mind that though being straight may be more acceptable and so easier, in the long run if you are not straight then it is not an easy option at all.

You mention that you may be thinking this way because of a lack of success with the opposite sex, a lack of success that might indicate that being gay would be a more suitable option (apologies if my interpretation is wrong). I suspect that there are similar difficulties in encountering someone regardless of sexual orientation. As tricky as it is, I would encourage you not to try to define your sexuality and instead go about your life and those experiences should help you.

Reply 8

Poica

A perhaps irrelevant point, but boys of your age tend to experience some homosexual feelings naturally anyway, whether they actually are gay or not.
I wouldn't worry about it, you don't have to act on it unless you really feel that it's right.

Reply 9

Tomski

That is very true. Some people think that they may be gay or bisexual just becuase they are attracted to a member of the same sex. This infatuation usually focuses around one person in particular and will pass in time. This is called latent homosexuality. If after this has passed you start feeling attracted to more and more guys then it is quite possible that you are bisexual, however it is entirely down to you if you want to act on these feelings or not. It is your choice as to how you live your life.

Sorry if this seems a bit disjointed but the advice is sound.

Reply 10

RobbieC

Firstly don't worry. Being confused is part of being a young person, who is just being thrust into a new world of hormones and mood-swings and PRESSURE. It sounds to me like you could be bisexual, but repulsed by the idea of a r'ship due to the fact that to be in a gay relationship in our society is much harder than to be in a straight one-which is fact... and that might be a scary prospect, whereas a sexual attraction might still exist. Alternatively, these feelings may pass with time.. You are still growing up, grin and bear it for the time being, and see how you feel in a couple of years. You can't change the person you are..

Reply 11

Sophdoph

Being confused is natural, your body and mind need time to think things over and sometimes one doesn't agree with the other. It could be a phase or it could be more that that, or it might just be a one off feeling which was just a gut reaction. I think the less you anaylse it the better, just let your thoughts and feelings drift in and out of your mind - it'll keep you more relaxed and give you time to think things over.

Reply 12

daydreaming

Poica

A perhaps irrelevant point, but boys of your age tend to experience some homosexual feelings naturally anyway, whether they actually are gay or not.

this is meant to be true for boys and girls. during puberty when we're hormonal all the time, we direct some sexual feelings to the same sex cos we feel more comfortable thinking about them and they're more familiar. this could explain why you wouldn't want a relationship with a guy even though you're attracted.
this doesn't mean you're definitely straight, but as you don't seem to like the idea of being with another boy chances are you're straight.

Reply 13

The Crow

a lot of people are repulsed by the questioning of their sexuality at first. you may just b bi?

Reply 14

Tomski

RiOt GiRl

a lot of people are repulsed by the questioning of their sexuality at first. you may just b bi?

I questioned mine to start with, then I came to realise that I didnt need to question it. I know who I am and what I like and ive accepted that.

Reply 15

heminder

it sounds like you're bored...
alot of us have that syndrome at the moment...

Reply 16

brown

Thanks for all your genuine comments guys (and gals)! I feel a lot better about myself now :smile:

Reply 17

I know where you are coming from, I like guys to look at but hate the idea of going any further with it, but now I just feel really against sex with women as well. Also, I took a gap year after I got my results, rushed into something so I didn't feel like I wasted the year, it fell through and now I feel like such a tool. Seeing all my friends leaving for Uni, knowing that I could be going if I just thought everything through, but I'm stuck at home instead.