The Student Room Group

depressed best friend

My best friend has depression and I don't know what to do any more. She is still my best friend, but not really, if you...get what I mean. Any conversations we have are about her and her complaining about her life and the conversations are basically just her talking whilst I listen. I don't mind listening to her, if it helps, then I'd do it whenever and where ever.

But she goes to uni in a couple days and we haven't spent much time together this summer so we were going to do something just us two last night but then she cancelled because she couldn't be bothered. I probably won't be able to see her before uni now and I'm going away for 6 months so won't see her for ages.

I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I feel kinda angry towards her. She can be selfish sometimes and it's got worse and now it's as though she doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself.

Is it really bad that I'm annoyed with her for cancelling on me yet again?I understand she has problems but I just feel so let down by her because I'll really miss her when I'm away and I get the impression she isn't bothered that she won't see me and is more concerned about what she looks like.

I know if I said anything to her the response wouldn't be a positive and caring one about the way things are between us....

Sorry it's long!
People with severe depression will come across quite selfish and self-obsorbed, but it's an illness and all you can do is to try and be patient with her.

I could imagine it being quite annoying, have you thought about maybe asking her round your house? or going round hers and just watching some dvd's or something? She might not want to go out if she's unhappy.
Reply 2
Get a movie, get some popcorn, go round to her house and then she will find it alot more difficult to turn you away if you are right in her doorway. Try and take her mind off whatever is causing the depression, even if it is for an hour or two it helps immensly.
She will miss you, and will care about you...

I wa s depressed over last xmas, and found it hard to not talk about my problems with freinds, it is very difficult to pretend to be happy and have 'happy' conversations when you feel like this.

Just give her a big hug and say you'll always be there for her, and im sure she'd appreciate it.
Reply 4
No matter how much she pushes you away and says she can't be bothered, if you stop trying to make an effort she'll probably convince herself that you hate her and don't want her as a friend.

Trust me i've been there - on both sides of the story

I'd take Tomski's advice and make sure you go over one last time. She may rebuff you. She may say she can't be bothered. But at least you've tried.
Tomski
Get a movie, get some popcorn, go round to her house and then she will find it alot more difficult to turn you away if you are right in her doorway. Try and take her mind off whatever is causing the depression, even if it is for an hour or two it helps immensly.


Yeah, I agree.
Reply 6
Tomski
Get a movie, get some popcorn, go round to her house and then she will find it alot more difficult to turn you away if you are right in her doorway. Try and take her mind off whatever is causing the depression, even if it is for an hour or two it helps immensly.

:ditto:
just chilll abit with her,it should help her lighten up :smile:
Reply 7
Shut up Rockport - depression is an illness
Reply 8
RoCkPoRt
whats she so depressed about? whats so tragic thats happened in her life that makes her think shes 'depressed'? i could list several people who i know that have a good right to be suicidally depressed, but no! they get on with their lives like real people do. so... whys she so depressed? has her family been murdered with an axe? does she have a month to live? is she going to end up on the street tomorrow? no? didnt think so.

OH my God how god dam heartless are you, you have obviously never been depressed or had friends for that matter

now back to the thread dont push your friends to hard but let her know your there for her i think going round would be a nice thing to do i know i used to apreciate random vist when i was feeling down
:dito: Random visits are always a good thing, and also, don't assume that because your friend doesn't make the first move in asking you to do stuff together it's because she doesn't care about you. If she's depressed she's probably feeling sh*t about herself and might not want to ask you to do anything in case you say no... protecting herself from being hurt even more. As for cancelling on you, she might only be doing that because she doesn't want to burden you with her problems, she might realise she's not the best company when she's feeling depressed so is trying to stop it building a ridge between the two of you. Just be there for her as much as you can, and try and talk to her about your problems too, so she knows she's not the only one with problems (I'm not saying you've got problems like hers, but anything which helps detract her from her own problems could be a good thing). At the end of the day, your friend is depressed, she can't help the way she is at the moment, but stick with her and things will get better...
My mum is depressed at this very minute. The most important thing that you as a relative/friend can do is just be there and offer support to the person in an attempt to lift their depression. Depressed people need people that they love around them to help them. Hopefully your friend gets better x.
You should see if you couldn't get her to talk to someone professonal, may be have an intervention or something . . . it's kinda rough because she won't get better until she wants to get better. Good luck, I can relate to how difficult it is to worry about a close friend and have them act like your worries are worthless.
Reply 12
ur in a tough position.

if i was u i would really forget about this mate for the moment. concentrate on making friends at uni. if u always thinking about ur mate's health back home ur not going to be much fun. so don't jeapodise ur happiness.

but what about my friend, i hear u say. ok, if she wants to be left alone then accept that. perhaps send her a text message or email saying that if she wants to talk or have a good time then u will always be there foir her. don't forget about her, txt every week and stay in contact but don't let her bring u down.

be there for her but not to the extent that u sacrifice ur happiness as wellas hers. in the end u'll both just resent each other if that happened.